General Question

jabzoog's avatar

Does he want a second chance?

Asked by jabzoog (18points) March 27th, 2008

A few weeks ago I met someone from online.. offline. We had a great first date. Went on the second date the night after.. ended up going on 5 dates in a 2 week span. I thought, yes, while things were going quickly.. they were going great. Then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking about making him dinner, so I called him to figure out his plans. He didn’t answer, and then later he called me back.. and after rambling on about meaningless stuff for a minute or two, he basically said something along the lines of “we’re at the cusp of a relationship, and that’s just something I don’t feel like I can do. you’re really cool and stuff but we have two very different lifestyles. I had a really fun time hangin gout with you..”

My reply was “OK.” i mean, I had only known him two weeks (we did not talk extensively online before the first date). I had begun to like him a lot, but it was easy to get rid of those feelings because they were so new.

Naturally, I stopped e-mailing, calling, text messaging, phoning him.. whatever.

2 WEeks pass, I had almost forgotten about him (though there were those few self-loathing moments where I wondered the real answer for his BS reason for calling things off) and today I receive an e-mail from him.

He sent me a typeface (we are graphic design nerds), and asked “how’s it going?”

I’m a bit perplexed. Any insight?

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20 Answers

Mtl_zack's avatar

a good friend of mine said that when something happens that makes it awkward, its because you made it awkward. so maybe he’s just trying to make it not awkward, and just wants to be friends.

jabzoog's avatar

eah, but what’s awkward about not talking to each other anymore? esp after only 5 dates

Mtl_zack's avatar

well, whenever i dont talk to someone for a lengthy period of time, its always hard for me to get back in touch with them because i feel that we’re not associated with each other anymore, ntil one of us breaks the ice. he just broke the ice. so what i suggest, (and im no therapist) is that you reply and stay friends, unless you want to get back together with him, thats a whole different story.

LuckVIII's avatar

seems to me like he was on other dates that he was really into and when they didn’t pan out he went to you. If you feel like he mumble was bs I wouldn’t go out with him anymore. It sounded like to me he couldn’t be honest and open up to you. So matter what his story /excuse

LuckVIII's avatar

so no matter his story he will probably hurt you

lovelyy's avatar

I def. agree with mtl zack.
if he is at least trying to talk to you again there must be some hidden feelings.

DeezerQueue's avatar

He wants to be friends. Consider it a compliment. Be friends. It’s entirely possible. Perhaps not desirable in the beginning, for you, but does he have qualities that you look for in a friend? If so, then be friends.

We don’t always get what we want and dealing with the things that don’t go our way with dignity makes us better people.

mcbealer's avatar

If he has qualities you treasure in friends, then invest more time in to this thing as long as you can keep in perspective the parameters will be platonically limited. Otherwise, you’ll just get hurt again. RUN !

luminous00's avatar

speaking from a commitment phobe like me, I’ll have an awesome time, then freak out and get space, then miss the girl and get in touch with her and try to be friends, but in actually I want to try again, but unfortuntely for me its a deadly cycle that I’m still to this day trying to understand..

DS's avatar

I agree with Mlt zack.Be his friend that you’ll get the time to know him better.

kevbo's avatar

When you say things went fast it makes me think that maybe he got something he wanted, stopped dating you to prevent things from blooming into a relationship, and now in the process of testing to see if the door is still open, so to speak. Just a possibility.

Ken00bi's avatar

You never know what it means unless you ask him. The rest is pure speculation.
It might help to just tell him what you wrote here and then ask him what the meaning of his message is.

luminous00's avatar

@ kevbo – I didn’t think of that….good answer. It’s what most of us guys like to do, probe to see if they’re still on the back burner, if they answer back, then they are :-)

Valhalla30's avatar

I am right there with Kevbo. You didn’t elaborate, but if you had sex or got pretty physical early on, well that may have killed it right there. Hate to say it but, men are weird like that and don’t really want you to give it up so soon. They love to chase. They think you may be like that with other guys and they weren’t so special after all. You quickly go from a possible dating prospect to very short term, and now friends – and maybe he’s seeing if those “friends with benefits” could be a possibility. Just all speculation here, if sex was involved. If no sex/physical stuff really occurred, perhaps he just has a lot of other distractions that you didn’t know about. Could be an ex or other people he’s trying to get to know, which may have not worked out they want he wanted…so now he’s back testing the waters with you. I would tread VERY lightly and just wait. Be careful so you don’t get your feelings hurt again. Just my opinion!!

jabzoog's avatar

no sex involved

aaronblohowiak's avatar

well, you should take him at his word unless you have reason to believe otherwise. if the dude said he felt like you were on a cusp of a relationship (which it sounds like to me) and then says he couldnt do that (which he demonstrated by takin so long to get back to you) then it seems like so far, his story is not incosistent or has any ill-will. Sounds like a guy who isnt ready for a relationship being honest with you, but still interested. The question is really: Should jabzoog get involved with an emotionally-distant guy who isn’t ready for a relationship even though it seems that is what jabzoog wants? That is a question only jabzoog can answer!

ninjaxmarc's avatar

take it as it is, for what it is.
Start off as friends maybe a commitment issue, him dating other people, etc.
you have to grow some pretty thick skin and deal or tell him straight what you want in this relationship then go from there.
There’s a difference in being infatuated/liking someone and knowing without a doubt they are your soulmate.

Iphone35's avatar

If a person likes you they will tell ya and if they don’t, they might give you that cowardly run around. Buttonline we are supposedly adults, you like someone say so, if rejection may follow deal with it and move on, makes you stronger and wiser.

punkrockworld's avatar

Guys r just complicated like that, They justdo whatever floats their boat without wondering how you must have felt when he didn’t text or whatever for 2 whole weeks.
You better let him know he’s gotta respect your feelings!

belladonna1999's avatar

Some men put women on a shelf while they’re dating other women and come back when the other dates don’t pan out.some may just be players,commitment phobic,or just plain confused.some couldn’t care less about anyone but themslves.
speaking from experience,i’d be very careful. i’m sure there are a lot of men out there who would appreciate you and know what they want. i’d feel him out more and take more time before you see him again. date others.

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