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MissAnthrope's avatar

What typically happens at a speed dating event?

Asked by MissAnthrope (21462points) October 2nd, 2010

I’ve always been really curious about speed dating and there’s one for lesbians coming up. The thought makes me kind of nervous, though, and before I decide to go, I’m wondering what to expect.

If you’ve ever done it, I’d love to pick your brain. Any details at all would be helpful, though. What is the vibe like? Was it weird? Was it fun? Did you meet anyone?

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14 Answers

MissA's avatar

The concept is simple…couples are paired off for a pre-determined amount of time, then each moves on to the next quick date. Those who I know who have done this are 1) Exhilarated afterward having met so many people. And, they say it went way too fast. 2) They were disappointed for not having time to ‘break the ice’ and then move on to more interesting conversation.

It’s a good idea maybe. But, maybe they should be an hour or so in the evening, and have more meetings.

Hope that helps.

mattbrowne's avatar

I saw a movie about it. Speed dating was the central theme. What did happen very often? A lot of frustration. Speed dating has the potential to hurt people big time.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@mattbrowne – Why frustration? And why do you say potential to hurt people?

harple's avatar

I haven’t done it myself, but I know someone who tried to organise some speed dating events, so I know a little of the proceedure.

They were held in a private room in a club, which had a bar, mood lighting and so on. The room was set up with 10 tables (say there were 20 people going)... you get a “free” drink (ie included in your ticket price) of champagne when you arrive, and one set of ten people are seated one at each table, the other set did the rotating.

You get 5 minutes (I think) with each person, and you were given a notebook to write stuff in to help you remember. I think there’s a comfort break halfway through the evening, and to get yourself more drink… Then at the end, everyone is allowed to mingle as long as they like, allowing you the opportunity to move beyond the initial 5 minutes-worth…

Afterwards, you let the organisers know on a form what you felt about each one. The choices being Interested, Not interested, or friends only. If two people match up on being interested in eachother, then the organisers will give out your number. If not, nothing further happens.

It’s meant to be fun, safe and harmless – a way of meeting a lot of people who you know are genuinely (one hopes) single and currently looking for something. I guess if no-one expressed any interest in you, it could be disheartening, but I seriously doubt you would have that issue.

Also, it’s probably a little nervewracking, but then everyone there is in the same boat, so you do actually already have a shared experience…

The only thing to be cautious of is that everyone there is a genuine participant, and not just mates of the organisers coming along to help with the numbers. But if it’s a company that have been organising them for a long time, (more than 6 months at least I would say) then that shouldn’t be the case.

mattbrowne's avatar

@MissAnthrope – I meant some people can get hurt as portrayed in that particular movie. Other people are lucky of course. I’m not against the concept of speed dating, but maybe people should be made aware of the risks. When they fully understand them, they should go ahead if they want to. Maybe it’s a bit like buying shares. Some people do lose money and a professional investor isn’t that surprised or frustrated. It’s part of the deal.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@mattbrowne – You mean get hurt, as in liking someone and not having their interest reciprocated?

@harple – That was awesome and incredibly informative. Thank you!

MissAnthrope's avatar

Gotcha. Yeah, but that’s a general risk in dating and not exclusive to speed dating. In fact, I would think, in speed dating, that kind of pressure is a bit less than in one-on-ones, plus based on how the event is set up, people kind of expect that they might not be a match with the people they liked best. Just speculating here.

I wrote the people for more information and the event is in a couple of days.. it’s $20, which I don’t think is too bad. @augustlan told me I should go just for the experience and I am apt to agree.. but the whole thing makes me nervous, though!

answerjill's avatar

I’ve been to a few speed-dating events. I kind of like them because it allows you to meet people without the awkwardness of having to approach someone and start small talk. Here, it is very structured. In the hetero version, the women still still at their chairs and the men move on to the next person each time the leader blows a whistle or gives some other signal.

mattbrowne's avatar

@MissAnthrope – Good luck ! And a little nervousness might actually be a good thing. Most of the other people will be nervous too.

nebule's avatar

@MissAnthrope Enjoy! and let us know how you get on :-) xx

MissAnthrope's avatar

I chickened out.. I was having a rough week socially (dealing with the apparent rejection of a woman I’d gone out with and thought we’d really hit it off), so then I started doubting myself. I just had a hard time imagining going into such an event and being like, Hi, yeah, I’m 33, I am unemployed and don’t even have a bachelor’s degree. Aren’t I a winner? Especially since the age range was 30–45.. I imagined that the folks on the older end of the spectrum would hear that and judge me, just as I imagine the woman I went out with rejected me (she was 40).

I decided to wait until the next one came around, but now I am mentally prepared for it by knowing what goes on. It may have all worked out in the end, though, I met another woman on Chemistry, we’ve been talking for a couple of weeks now, and we have a date on Friday. Fingers crossed! :)

harple's avatar

Finger’s crossed for you @MissAnthrope!!

nebule's avatar

Yes, good luck @MissAnthrope xxx

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