General Question

girlofscience's avatar

(NSFW) How can I get my boyfriend to have sex with me in the morning before work?

Asked by girlofscience (7449 points ) March 20th, 2011

My boyfriend and I live together and work the same schedules (normal office hours on weekdays). We have a very active sex life, but during the week, sex only occurs on the evenings when we get home from work.

I really would love to have sex every morning before work as well, and my boyfriend is very aware of this. However, he values sleep so much that he wants to sleep until the last possible moment that he needs to get up for work. He already goes to bed sufficiently early on weeknights (usually 11pm), and I definitely would not want him to go to bed any earlier because I require less sleep and am usually still awake when he goes to bed anyway. He is understanding of my desire to have sex in the morning and always mentions that he hopes this can happen eventually, but for the time being, there’s nothing that will get him up before he absolutely needs to be.

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52 Answers

bob_'s avatar

Wake him up with a blowjob.

Afos22's avatar

Bob, I was going to say the same thing. Give him an early morning Blow J. An A.M. B Job.

Randy's avatar

Yup, I third that BJ motion. That’s how my ex used to get it in the middle of the night when she wanted it.

girlofscience's avatar

I will try this, but I feel like it will be met with a groan and “Baby, I’m just trying to sleep. I need 10 more minutes.”

jonsblond's avatar

Just put your hand or your mouth in the right place. If he’s a healthy man, things should start looking up for you.

Morning sex is the best. =)

girlofscience's avatar

@jonsblond: Things are already looking up. ;) But that doesn’t mean he wants to wake up. :\

Randy's avatar

@girlofscience That may be the case but don’t give up right away. Just keep doing what you do. Trust me, it’ll work.

girlofscience's avatar

@Randy: Haha, even so, that’s not sustainable on a long-term basis. It’d work for one morning, sure, but I’m trying to establish this as a regular thing.

voiceoreason's avatar

I’m the same way. I like morning sex but I need at least 10 minutes. You just need to get him up a little earlier. He might be grumpy at first but he’ll come around. HA. See what I did there?

Afos22's avatar

No guy puts sleep above a blowey

voiceoreason's avatar

On a side note, peoples’ hormones fluctuate throughout the day. If he is around 25–30 he’ll see a drop in certain hormones which relate to sexual desire. Mornings are at one end of the extreme or the other depending on who you are. He could always get his DHEA levels tested. Another symptom might be passiveness.

SamIAm's avatar

What about some sex in the shower? Kill two birds with one stone.

Afos22's avatar

@SamIAm You mean two stones and one bird? Im sorry, I had to

kevbo's avatar

Get him one of these or something similar. I’m a sleepyhead in the a.m., but I’ve been using this for a month give or take and have very little trouble waking up anymore on about 6.5–7 hours of sleep.

marinelife's avatar

If I were you, I would honor his need for sleep. Consider meeting him for lunch for a nooner.

girlofscience's avatar

@marinelife: Unfortunately, it’s not really feasible to meet for lunch because we work 40 minutes away from each other. Our house is between our jobs, but that’s 20 minutes there and back for each of us, which doesn’t leave much time for eating…or sexing.

girlofscience's avatar

@kevbo: Interesting! I will read about this and look into it. What do you feel it improves for you?

Jude's avatar

When spooning (him spooning you) rub you ass up and down against his dick. That should wake him up.

kevbo's avatar

The main thing is that I’m definitely less groggy waking up, which means I’m not averse to waking up early and I feel comfortable setting my alarm for an earlier time. Also, I almost never snooze anymore. That’s the main benefit.

The data side is interesting and probably is more so for people who are trying to dial in better quality sleep, but my data always looks really good so I don’t pay as much attention to it.

the100thmonkey's avatar

Surreptitiously set the alarm 15 or so minutes earlier. (whether or not you do this depends on you and whether you consider this to be deceptive or not).

You might also want to consider figuring out a way for both of you to brush your teeth (perhaps after the BJ might be a good time) without having to go through the full morning ritual – I know I hate sex when my mouth feels like an old man’s sock.

Just a thought. Perhaps there is another reason apart from morning lethargy, like whether or not your BF has showered or shaved or something along those lines. In the example I gave, I just can’t imagine willingly subjecting anyone to my morning breath.

Perhaps you could get a teasmaid – a cup of tea or coffee might jolt him into life, so to speak…

Jump him when he’s 5 minutes away from leaving for work.

cookieman's avatar

I have no solution, but I’d bet dollars to donuts the AM-hummer will do the trick.

I have a similar problem with my wife. She’ll be all sexy-talk before bed, but the second her head hits the pillow – ZZZZZZ

And forget about mornings. She’s such a heavy sleeper, she won’t hear the alarm and you can’t physically try to wake her unless you want to risk a punch in the head.

Sleep is a powerful master.

Faiblesse's avatar

You ask him if he wants to, and if he doesn’t, you leave him right the hell alone.

Come on. Men are not puzzles you have to solve to get a reward. Your boyfriend is not a machine where you have to push the right buttons to get him to comply. He’s a human being who has a right to make his own decisions.
You two have a conflict of interests. You want to do the horizontal monkey dance, he wants to wake up slowly. Why should you get what you want?
The guy is probably just a slow waker. For slow wakers, if they wake up too suddenly, their whole day could be ruined.

The honorable thing to do would be not to try to manipulate him, but to negotiate a compromise.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

The other thing you could try is to very lightly stroke his penis, enough to turn him on without waking initially. If he gets the urge to do the “horizontal monkey dance” he might wake up thinking it was his idea to do it.

blueiiznh's avatar

Morning Testosterone release about 4–5am create a surge of about 30% in testosterone levels creating “morning wood”.
My suggestion is to put it to good use. Find the timeframe for your squeeze and use it to your advantage. He can always go back to sleep for his needed extra zzzzzzz while you wake a happy camperette!

Win Win!!!

xjustxxclaudiax's avatar

How long have you two been together?

girlofscience's avatar

@xjustxxclaudiax: A year and a half. Why?

xjustxxclaudiax's avatar

Just wondering. In the beginning of a relationship, couples can barely keep each other off themselves…but as time goes by it begins to decline. It can take months or even years….But the main reason why is because the people in the relationship get used to it..or bored…or nothing new ever happens…So it starts to seem more like a routine than unpredictable or exciting….
Anyway, instead of having sex with your man every night and every morning. Why not keep it unexpected for him. Surprised him with random sex. I’m not saying don’t have sex with him everyday, but instead do it at random times during the day…or the middle of the night…that way you and him can keep the flame alive.
(In addition, men are very visual, they’ll get bored seeing the same angle of you everyday…so change positions ever so often.)

girlofscience's avatar

@xjustxxclaudiax: We certainly don’t have a problem with passion dying off – and all that you’ve suggested is already going on. It’s really just the wanting-sleep thing. We have all kinds of spontaneous sex in the evenings and weekends, and we certainly vary positions. My boyfriend is very sexually driven and can’t get enough of me when he’s awake.

blueiiznh's avatar

Your libido is higher than his. He values sleep in the morning as he is certainly enjoying all the other times you do enjoy during the day/week.
I am glad you are both trying to find middle ground.
How about waking him with a full body to body massage. I am far from a morning person, but that might be a slow way to get a slumbering body warmed and awake.
Practice, practice, practice

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@girlofscience This may be one of those things where you cut your partner some slack and don’t get nooky every morning. Sounds like the rest of your relationship is good. Sometimes you give a little up in one area because everything else is good.

Rarebear's avatar

Let the poor guy sleep and masturbate yourself.

josie's avatar

Maybe it isn’t all about you.

janbb's avatar

That’s what weekends are for; let the guy sleep.

WasCy's avatar

Don’t set the alarm earlier, just set the bedroom clock ahead by 15 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour-and-a-half, whatever you need. When he wakes at the alarm at what he thinks is his “normal” time, find a way to convince him that he can afford to take “just a few minutes” for you.

phoebusg's avatar

I love the BJ-wake up option. I still remember having that done to me, and it’s nice. Insist, if that doesn’t work, then talk it over together – get to the reasons behind it as per @the100thmonkey ‘s response.

girlofscience's avatar

@phoebusg and @the100thmonkey: We have already talked about this at length, and there are not other reasons behind it.

Haleth's avatar

“I really would love to have sex every morning before work as well, and my boyfriend is very aware of this. However, he values sleep so much that he wants to sleep until the last possible moment that he needs to get up for work.”

If you both want opposite things, there’s no way for either one of you to be 100% happy with the outcome. You both have to give a little. It sounds like you’ve been pushing for sex every single morning- in other words, you’re telling him that you want things to go completely your way. You’re trying to persuade him to action, because all he has to do to get his way is just stay asleep. If want to persuade him, you have to think about what he wants and reach a compromise.

You may be coming across as aggressive or insensitive to his needs, as in, “He already goes to bed sufficiently early on weeknights (usually 11pm), and I definitely would not want him to go to bed any earlier because I require less sleep and am usually still awake when he goes to bed anyway.” If he sleeps in until the very last second, he’s probably still tired when he gets up. Maybe he wishes he could go to bed earlier or sleep in later. Some people just have lower energy levels than others. I’m one of those people who sleeps in until the very last second. On a work night, I think seven or eight hours of sleep is ok, but getting up on that amount of sleep is really a drag. I would get nine or ten hours if I really could.

Try to think of alternatives that allow him to get as much sleep as he needs and you to get more sex. You might need to let him go to bed earlier after all in order to get what you want. Or you could surprise him by helping out with some of his morning routine, like making breakfast or coffee or laying out his outfit the night before. Then he’ll have some extra time in the morning that you can spend together. Maybe you can schedule a morning in or a sick day together every once in a while. He still probably won’t be willing to wake up early for sex every morning, but that’s why it’s a compromise.

Scooby's avatar

Me & my ex-wife had this issue when I worked back to backs, I’d get home about 07.30 just as she was getting up to start her day, I just wanted to go to bed to sleep after a sixteen hour shift… so she just would help herself :-/
Half the time I was half asleep, she got what she wanted anyway! :-/

creative1's avatar

I enjoy sex day and night and what always seemed to work for me is just rubbing up to him naked in bed very very early am while he is errect, ususally can’t help himself. Sometimes I would get on top and start kissing him and rubbing myself until he was hard and wake him having sex. He enjoyed waking with a smile and if you do it early enough he can take a power nap before having to get ready for work.

cookieman's avatar

I think what you need is some jealousy. I’ll come by early (before he wakes up) and slip into bed with you. Once we get going, he’ll wake up and say, “H-HEY! That’s my woman! I should be doing that. Get outta here you, you…COOKIE MAN.” Then he’ll be sure to mount up every morning without fail.

Whatayathink?

Wha..hey, ah @girlofscience. Put down the beaker. ::ow:: I was kidding (sheesh). ::ow::

creative1's avatar

@cprevite I don’t know Cookie Man, that might get you shot if he has a gun in the house

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Is he adverse to you getting him up and having your way with him? Would you be okay with a ¾ awake sex partner? He probably wants you to have that morning sex but is too groggy to give it the attention he thinks you’d expect based on the rest of your awake performances. Ask him, he might think you having a few morning rides is a lot of fun.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Just curious if people’s reactions would be different, if it was a guy asking for ways to coerce his girlfriend into having sex in the morning. When put like that, genders switched, some of the answers here are a little disturbing to me. A man should be able to say ‘no’ and have it be respected, just as women expect their ‘no’ to be respected.

I say respect the man’s desires. I’m the same way. I love sex and when I’m awake, I will drop anything to get busy, but when I’m asleep, it can be impossible for me to wake up fully. I can be really physically aroused, but not be able to shake the sleep off. So, I’m not much on the morning sex thing, either, unless it’s a day where I’m not supposed to be anywhere and I can have leisurely waking up time first. I don’t believe in coercion in this case, especially since he’s made it clear how important sleep is to him, The only thing you can try to do is work on some sort of compromise so that both of you are getting needs met at least sometimes.

Rarebear's avatar

Man, I wish I could give @MissAnthrope more than one GA.

Bellatrix's avatar

I think if you try to manipulate him into having sex every morning, you are likely to piss him off. I can understand your needs, but I can also see his point of view too. He isn’t a performing seal and if you push it too much, you could start to create resentment. It seems he knows you want more sex, but he isn’t willing to play. Perhaps try to entice him a couple of times a week but leave him alone the rest. Compromise is a wonderful thing.

janbb's avatar

@MissAnthrope I was thinking the exact same thing. Why should he have to perform when he doesn’t want to?

CBrennan15's avatar

just have sex in the shower

WasCy's avatar

I disagree, @MissAnthrope and @janbb. “Coercion” isn’t the moral or ethical equivalent of “salesmanship”. If she can can talk, tease, entice or promise her way into what she wants that’s not “coercion”. (Crying may be.)

She could use the Modern American Man’s version of foreplay: 20 minutes of begging for it.

phoebusg's avatar

@girlofscience it seems to me that you have failed to get at the reasons behind it. Perhaps he’s not being open enough out of fear of judgment. Hopefully you’ll have a more open, and successful talk in the future. There are always reasons, whether we’re a) aware of them and b) want to share them are different issues.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
sleepdoc's avatar

How about I talk to your boyfriend you talk to my wife?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Offer him double his day’s wage to call in sick and stay in bed for a breakfast romp.

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