Social Question

flip86's avatar

Who wants to play Corrupt a Wish #2?

Asked by flip86 (6009 points ) May 22nd, 2014

The rules are simple. I post something I wish for, the next person corrupts it and then posts their own wish.

EXAMPLE:

Jelly 1: I wish I had a kitten.

Jelly 2: The kitten has rabies. I wish I had a million bucks

Jelly 3: You receive one million deer. I wish I had a sandwich

And so on.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

115 Answers

flip86's avatar

I wish I had a week off from work.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

The week is spent as a Somali pirate hostage.

I wish that I had dissociative identity disorder

flip86's avatar

You have it but your personalities are Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck.

I wish I lived on the moon.

Stinley's avatar

The moon is made of stinky cheese
I wish I won the lottery

Winter_Pariah's avatar

@flip86 That sounds hilarious!
You win the lottery, as does everyone else
I wish the jelly below me gets a brand new car :D

bossob's avatar

I got the new car along with the crash test dummy that was stuck in it after they ran it into a wall.

I wish the sun would shine more often around here.

ucme's avatar

So that the albino kids would get skin cancer
I wish there was gold in them thar hills

Unbroken's avatar

There is but you aren’t getting any of it.

I wish this wasn’t corrupt a wish and things came true.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Your wish is granted, and the next person wishes you dead.

I wish I had a photographic memory.

longgone's avatar

Done, but you’re going blind tonight.

I wish I could write for a living.

flip86's avatar

You write for a living but can only write in the style of Dr Suess.

I wish I lived in an underwater house.

longgone's avatar

Whose wish is this?
The wish of Flip.
Flip’s wish is
To take a dip.

Without getting wet, you see.
Say!
What a funny lad
Is he.

His wish no doubt
Will become true
Does he like that?
Not a clue.

No clue I have,
Because, you see,
This Flip will have to
Share with me.

I’m fun, oh my
And I am sweet
But I just love
To gnaw on feet.

I wish I had someone to pick out new clothes for me.

cookieman's avatar

Sure. Let’s head to the costume shop.

I wish I had a cookie.

ucme's avatar

Those aren’t chocolate chips, it’s cat shit
I wish I could fly, way up to the sky

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted, but you’re being sucked up in a tornado which will soon spit you out a mile above the earth.

I wish I was as smart as Einstein.

ucme's avatar

But you must wear his hairstyle for the rest of your days & your new name shall be Bertie
I wish for purple crayons to replace computer keyboards

Bill1939's avatar

I receive sand which is dry and wish I had never made a wish.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted but you can never make another wish again EVER so you have to quit this game now!

I wish I had some chocolate right now.

flip86's avatar

You have chocolate, but if you eat it, you will develop huge disgusting pimples all over your body.

I wish I had a boat so I could go fishing.

ucme's avatar

There’s a Great White that has you on the menu, you’re gonna need a bigger boat!
I wish for world peace (giggles) an end to animal testing (heehee) & free tit implants for all (bashful grin)

Unbroken's avatar

You get whirled peas, human testing, which results in free breast implants not just for the chest but for the back as well. And planes are uncomfortable now…

I wish I was flying on a jet plane…

ibstubro's avatar

Congrats! You’re now a passenger on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Position, unknown.

I wish I had a delicious seafood dinner ready on my dinner table, prepared to perfection!

Winter_Pariah's avatar

Your seafood dish is a perfectly prepared live Synanceia. Enjoy your sashimi!

I wish I could accompany the Doctor in his travels.

Mimishu1995's avatar

The doctor turns out to be a <beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep> quack!
I wish I’m immortal!

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You’re immortal, but you continue to age and soon are a wee tiny wrinkled old lady.

I wish I had a Karmann Ghia.

bossob's avatar

Here’s the keys to your VW along with 200 pounds of Bondo and a sheet of plywood to cover the holes in the floor.

I wish for peace on earth.

Stinley's avatar

Everyone is so peaceful, no work gets done and everyone starves
I wish I could lose more weight

ucme's avatar

The chemotherapy should help
I wish my football team the best of luck for next season

Stinley's avatar

It’s all bad luck
I wish I had three wishes

ucme's avatar

The payback being, the genie rapes you for each wish granted
I wish with a wishbone torn from the carcass of an eaten chicken

Mimishu1995's avatar

That wishbone is actually cursed.
I wish I have infinitive number of wishes!

SavoirFaire's avatar

You now have 0.99999999999(9) wishes. (It’s an infinite number, just not in the way you expected.)

I wish I never had to charge my computer.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Your computer’s screen turns blue and you never again need charge it.

I wish I had a steak and lobster dinner.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted, but both the steak and the lobster are alive and kicking.

I wish I had a laptop.

ibstubro's avatar

Done, but now you’ll never stand again, and your grandson is permanently attached to the top of your lap.
(Good thing you bought those Legos!)

I wish I could sing like Bruce Springsteen.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Pooof You now magically can sing like Bruce Springsteen…when he was one year old.

I wish I could train cats to open the door and come inside without yowling for me to let them in. .

Dutchess_III's avatar

Done. But the cat will never learn to close the door, and your house will become infested with snakes and possums sneaking in during the night.

@ibstubro… which grandson?

I wish my dog would stop barking at shit.

ibstubro's avatar

Granted. Now your dog can talk and prattles on endlessly about all the crap it used to just bark at.

I wish I owned and inhabited the Hawaiian Islands

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Alakazam! Unfortunately your mansion on the Big Island was recently engulfed by lava from the live volcano there.

I wish I could fly.

flip86's avatar

You can fly, but every time you do, a member of your family poofs out of existence.

I wish I hadn’t eaten that chicken.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Don’t worry, that wasn’t chicken (remember those family members of mine that poof out of existence whenever I fly? Yup!)

I wish that it would stop raining cats and dogs.&imgdii=&imgrc=H6jny2Xj-JxkHM%253A%3B1o9IlicK299jzM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252F4.bp.blogspot.com%252F-somsyP51C0g%252FUwX8N_Har-I%252FAAAAAAAAD4I%252FmCCTb7G10Lg%252Fs1600%252Fraining-cats-and-dogs1.gif%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fmrshallfabulousinfourth.blogspot.com%252F2014%252F02%252Fraining-cats-dogs-writing.html%3B260%3B350

Mimishu1995's avatar

It won’t rain cats and dogs, but it will rain lions and tigers!
I wish I will be young forever!

ibstubro's avatar

You got it! You’re now two days old for eternity.

I wish I had the good looks, talent and charisma of the 23 year old Paul Newman.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Congratulations! You’ve been turned into a Paul Newman android! Unfortunately, you’re only switched on someone needs to film a commercial.

I wish this book I have to read wasn’t so long.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

Your book is shortened in length to 3 pages but the full text is shrunk to the appropriate size to fit.

I wish I was only alone when I wished to be alone and had company when I wished for company.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Your wish is granted. You are now marooned on a deserted island and when you wish for company you get crabs yes, the infestation kind, not the edible kind).

I wish my car was 24 karat gold.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Later you find out that 99% percent of the gold is fake.
I wish I ruled the world!

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You become the ruler of the world, but there is a revolution and you are targeted by your subjects, Adios!
I wish I was a Disk Jockey in a 70’s Discotheque.

flip86's avatar

Granted. But the only song they play is Kung Fu Figting by Carl Douglas.

I wish this headache would go away.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You are at a bank waiting in line when a robber comes in and there is a shootout with the security guard. A ricochet hits you in the noggin and your headache goes away, as do you.

I wish I had invented sunglasses.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted. You invented sunglasses. But you forgot to patent it and all your sunglasses money are belong to me!

I wish I had invented, and patented, the computer.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You did invent the computer, but you did so by reverse engineering alien technology stolen from the Roswell crash. The bad grey aliens, upset with your theft kidnap you and take you to the planet Tralfamadore where you are never heard from again.

I wish my brother would grow up.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Your brother will grow up to the point that he can be bossy to even his grandmother!
I wish I was rich.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You are rich, but you are rich in emotion and human feeling while you are otherwise penniless.

I wish I was a soccer star.

ibstubro's avatar

Yup. You’re now the infamous soccer star that punted his team’s ball into his team’s goal to loose the World Cup. (The video of you peeing down your leg after was not encouraging.)

I wish I was a chicken feather.

ucme's avatar

That would make you a cock tickler
I wish yanks would stop calling it “soccer” because it makes me vomit a little

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You vomit but it comes out champagne, which you love, and so you beg the yanks to continue calling futbol soccer.
I wish people would understand that football is not soccer.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Understood. Futball is soccer. Football is not. Football is now an illegal sport.

I wish I didn’t have to babysit today.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Then come to my house. You don’t have to babysit, but you have to elder-sit!
I wish I was a Mafia boss.

bossob's avatar

Rat-a-tat-tat. You’ve been ambushed, and are now a dead mafia boss.

I wish Cotton was a monkey.

ucme's avatar

The word “soccer” derives from “association football” so it is indeed football, proper football…just don’t call it soccer

Dan_Lyons's avatar

So finally the entire world agrees that football is not futbol, while soccer is futbol but not football.

I wish I had caught that Marlin that snapped the line yesterday.

ibstubro's avatar

Done. You caught the marlin, but it took so long your boat was engulfed in a tropical storm, sinking it, and you’re now adrift in the ocean.

I wish my grandparents had never met.

>:-)

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Although they met, your grandfather soon adopted the skinhead look and your grandmother dumped him in hot flash. Unfortunately you now no longer exist.

I wish I was a neo nazi

Mimishu1995's avatar

Then I will be a Neo Anti – Nazi! Die!
I wish I was an anti – nazi.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You are an anti-nazi, but your mafia buddies misunderstand this sentiment and blast you to smithereens!

I wish I had a skinhead hairdo {so I wouldn’t need to shampoo ever again}.

ibstubro's avatar

You have a Skinhead (how can that be a hairdo?} that is pimply, infected and sure to swell the skin on your head.

I wish I could live in a land of sweetness and light.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Your wish is granted but you soon find yourself Blinded by the Light

I wish I could eat a lobster for dinner tonight.

Mimishu1995's avatar

That losbter’s family will find you and take their revenge!
I wish I had an ostrich for dinner.

ibstubro's avatar

ARRRRGGGGGG! MY EYES! @Dan_Lyons

I wish I had Bill Gates’ fortune.
.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You have Bill gates fortune, but you are Steve Jobs. Adios!

I wish I had a reel lawnmower!

flip86's avatar

Granted. Unfortunately, it has a mind of it’s own and refuses to let you mow your lawn. It mows the neighbors lawn instead.

I wish I had some breakfast.

ibstubro's avatar

Go Thai! Instead of jam and butter on their toast, in Thailand some people prefer bat paste. The paste is made by boiling a live bat in milk before being ground into a spreadable consistency.

I wish I had a home movie theater.

flip86's avatar

Granted. The only movie it plays is, Plan 9 from Outer Space.

I wish I was taller.

Mimishu1995's avatar

You will be tall enough not to fit in any building.
I wish I was famous.

SavoirFaire's avatar

It’s the trial of the century, and you’re the defendant.

I wish my laundry washed itself.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Your magic laundry does indeed wash itself. Unfortunately it does so while you are still wearing it.

I wish I could sleep in just one more hour.

ucme's avatar

You must sleep in pig shit
I wish Mickey Mouse died at birth

flip86's avatar

He dies at birth but is reanimated as Zombie Mickey to haunt your every waking moment.

I wish internet was free and available for all.

ibstubro's avatar

Got it! Internet is now free and available to all, but at speeds so slow it makes the telegraph look innovative and inviting.

I wish there was an affordable way to return my body to it’s 24 yo configuration without serious drawbacks.

SavoirFaire's avatar

No serious drawbacks—but 712 minor drawbacks.

I wish I hadn’t forgotten to pick up orange juice at the store.

Mimishu1995's avatar

You didn’t forget, but when you came, that store was robbed and your orange juice had gone.
I wish my wish wouldn’t be corrupted.

ucme's avatar

Don’t play the fucking game then, dems da roolz
I wish Fluther the best of good luck, but fear it’s fighting a losing battle

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Fluther goes on and experiences a surge in new memberships and flourishes for the next ten years despite the erroneous fears of its older members.

I wish I had a Bengal Tiger for a pet.

Stinley's avatar

The Bengal Tiger has you for dinner
I wish that the far right political parties would all give up and become woolly liberals

SavoirFaire's avatar

Done. But at the same time, all the woolly liberals give up and move to the far right.

I wish styrofoam was faster to biodegrade.

@Mimishu1995 An alternative answer to the one given by @ucme: Your wish isn’t corrupted, but only because the universe ends as you’re making it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

A styrofoam cup will biodegrade before you can ever drink its water.
I wish I was awesome!

Stinley's avatar

People don’t talk to you because they are so much in awe of you
I wish I liked to eat fish

Winter_Pariah's avatar

You do like to eat fish, but only the extinct species.

I wish I that I got all the answers for my Logic final exam correct.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted, but you put them on the wrong test and FAILED your entire college career.

I wish I knew where that brown recluse that was in my bathroom ran off to. I’m scared to pee now.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

have no fear. The brown recluse with the pretty violin picture oni t is no longer haunting your bathroom. You are free to pee.
(Oh, by the way, it’s now in your bed).

I wish I had an IQ of 210.

ucme's avatar

Only you have zero personality & smelly breath as a payback
I wish Fluther would last beyond a year from now but hold no fear either way

ibstubro's avatar

Fluther sees a surge in popularity, outstripping both Facebook in and Twitter in users. Unfortunately, hours before that happens, you’re modded for using the non-traditional “English” word “nowt” and banned for life.

I wish I had a state-of-the-art new computer, pre-loaded with my personal preferences.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Done, but you have no way of figuring out the password.

I wish the weather were always appropriate for whatever I am wearing.

ucme's avatar

Downcast & miserable
I wish antique dealers who attend auctions would be going, going gone!

Stinley's avatar

They now all work in your office
I wish I would win the Euromillions jackpot on Friday (£63,000,000!)

ucme's avatar

You share it with 63,000,000 others :(
I wish England win the forthcoming World Cup…a boy can dream

Mimishu1995's avatar

It’s in a dream of a boy.
I wish all diseases were curable.

flip86's avatar

Granted, but the cures are temporary and cost thousands of dollars.

I wish I could finally get a good nights sleep.

Stinley's avatar

You don’t wake up in time to go to an important interview for your dream job
I wish I knew what my dream job was

ibstubro's avatar

Your dream job is being a regular on the TV show, “Frasier”, but that show is long ago and far away.

I wish I had a pet chicken.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Your chicken gets H5N1 before you ever know it and some days later you both drop dead.
I wish there was nothing I couldn’t do!

flip86's avatar

There is nothing you can’t do, the exception being that you can only do each thing once(aside from basic human abilities)and you must do everything. Have fun dying of syphylis and having flesh eating bacteria chew off your face. Might want to space those 2 out.

I wish I was Spiderman.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted. But you’re doomed to living in the house of a person who has arachnophobia.

I wish someone would landscape my yard.

ibstubro's avatar

Done! Unfortunately the landscape artist was also a war buff, and now your yard has 3,481 booby traps in it.

I wish I lived in the Biltmore Mansion, penalty free.

Dutchess_III's avatar

(LOL @jbstubro)! Granted. But you soon discover a secret room you can never get out of.

I wish I had a magical house painter who could do all the wall repairs and paint in 10 minutes, for free.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Too bad he leaves a permanent and horrible smell behind.

I wish was never late for anything.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Granted. But you begin obsessing about not being late so you start planning 8 hours early, even if it’s for a 15 minute drive.

I wish someone would make some jalepeno poppers for me!

GloPro's avatar

They’re ready, but you have to come and get them.

I wish I could pay all of my debts off.

ibstubro's avatar

You sold everything you owned to pay off all your debt, now the only way to get more stuff is to incur more debt.

I wish I was the most talented and best loved person on the face of the Earth.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

Wish granted, but everyone’s love escalates into obsession and you are ultimately killed by a overly jealous and possessive individual who believes that if he or she can’t have you to his or herself, no one can.

I wish we all lived roughly 38,000 years in the future where man’s galaxy spanning empire is being attacked on all sides by xenos, daemons, and traitors.

In the 40th millennium, there is only war. (Gotta let the fanboy out every now and then)

Mimishu1995's avatar

380000 years is only the maximum human life span. And the average life span? Well, all the xenos, daemons and traitors have the answer.
I wish I became an indestructible virus!

Yetanotheruser's avatar

You are an indestructible virus, but you have run out of things to infest infect.

I wish I was 3½ again.

GloPro's avatar

You are 3.5 again… In inches. Damn.

I wish I were 36”, 24”, 36”

Stinley's avatar

Granted So that’s 36” head circumference, 24” height, 36” shoe size
I wish I were less lazy

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