Social Question

fuglyduckling's avatar

I told everyone in my class that I was a virgin. Was it a bad idea?

Asked by fuglyduckling (402 points ) 3 months ago

I’m probably the most open, blunt person you could ever meet. I told everyone that I was a virgin a couple of years ago in the classroom for an assignment. Do you think that was just an awkward, bad idea? I wish people were very open with each other. We are only human at the end of the day, so whats the big deal?

I want to know what you thought about this. Would you do it?

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21 Answers

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Well, It wasn’t a good idea. First of all, you told a whole bunch of people something very personal about yourself’ That is not blunt. Blunt is giving an opinion or answer without worrying that it might not be popular.
What you did was irresponsible, wreckless and rude. Lots of people are very uncomfortable with personal information being shared publicly. Others will want to take advantage of such information. One or two might consider you a good target for some very bad behavior.
This is not something you can fix. Tatoos can be gotten rid of easier than words already spoken. In the future though, keep personal information to yourself. There is a reason why it is called personal.
If anyone bugs you about it in the future, you can tell them it is none of their business. If they get huffy, then the mistake is theirs.

cazzie's avatar

If you are comfortable with people knowing that about you, then I can’t see the big deal. Blaming you if you get teased for the misuse of this information in your class is called ‘victim blaming’ and it seems rather popular these days. Don’t believe it for a second that any personal attacks you receive as a result of sharing this information are your fault. Any bullying or teasing is strictly the actions of the perpetrator and is in no way excusable.

You weren’t talking smak about other people. You weren’t telling lies about yourself. You shared something you felt comfortable sharing. Only you know whether you regret saying it or not. It’s personal. It is yours to share if you see fit, or keep to yourself. There are things that are shared in life that are not diminished by the fact they are shared. It’s not like sharing your lunch, where you have less as a result of sharing. Don’t let sharing personal information about yourself diminish you and don’t believe anyone who tell you it does.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

@cazzie, Since mine is the only other reply, I have to believe you are saying I blame her for victimizing herself if anyone behaves badly as a result of sharing such personal information. I said no such thing, nor did I hint any such thing.
No-one SHOULD kill people, but they do, and there is somr behaviors we can do which leaves us more likely to be a victim than others. Most people avoid those risky behaviors. Doing something risky once and getting killed doesn’t make murder the victim’s fault, but they are certainly dead.
I only pointed out that there are risks involved, but I did not say she would be to blame if anyone did victimize her in any way.
Do we have a right to free speech? Supposedly we do. Still, there is also something to be said in favor of prudent choices.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@fuglyduckling I’ve always considered personal info, personal. Even now, with 2 “kids” in their 30’s, I will only admit to having sex twice before. (I really enjoyed it both times and plan to do it again some time.)
Once you let personal info out, it can never be withdrawn. It can travel seemingly at the speed of light. This does not mean you need to be a recluse. I can quickly think of a couple of situations where it is appropriate to share: in a private setting with another person who is sharing or when intimacy is imminent.
As you already know, some people can be notoriously mean. Don’t give them any ammunition.

ucme's avatar

Not at all, look what it did for Madonna, wealth, fame & adoption papers that make Angie Jolie jealous.

canidmajor's avatar

You said you did this “for an assignment”. I don’t understand what assignment might require you to reveal such personal information in the classroom, but I wasn’t there, it may have been appropriate. However, the fact that you are having second thoughts now indicates that probably wasn’t. @Jonesn4burgers is right, most people are made uncomfortable by that kind of personal information shared, unasked for.

“I’m probably the most open, blunt person you could ever meet”...“I wish people were very open with each other.”. Being “open” and “blunt” is not necessarily the same as being honest with people. In order to get along with others in a community setting, we need to have filters, employ some tact, be kinder. If you are very blunt, you might want to examine just how. Sometimes people who describe themselves as “blunt” are simply thoughtless, but don’t realize it.

Having filters is not being dishonest. Embrace the filters.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

No point in having done that! Some things better left unsaid!

elbanditoroso's avatar

Too late now. What’s done is done. You can’t take it back.

So don’t dwell on it – don’t even think about it. Ancient history.

Move on

Cupcake's avatar

It sounds like you held true to your beliefs, so I don’t see why you are asking. Have you felt any effects of your pronouncement?

Here’s my 2 cents. It’s not like you said “I steal people’s belongings so that I can afford to smoke crack” to your class. You said “I haven’t yet had sex”. For all anyone knows, you could have walked out of the classroom, met someone and brought them to a local hotel. You admitted to not having done something yet… no one knows if that is still true.

I would be slightly on the alert for guys who want to take your virginity for the sake of taking it.

marinelife's avatar

It’s a little bit personal for the classroom. I once had a colleague who announced to all of us that she never wore underwear when we all had to sit at shared workstations. Many of us began to carry Lysol!

trailsillustrated's avatar

why the bloody hell would you do that One time, in speech class, a girl gave a speech about date rape.(her personal story) We were all so freaked out we didn’t know where to look. I, in class, did not ask for her story or the personal bits and my ears didn’t want to know!

elbanditoroso's avatar

@marinelife – why is that a problem? Some might find it kinky

livelaughlove21's avatar

If it was “a couple of years ago,” you’d know if it was a bad idea or not by now. I don’t see why you would feel the need to tell a bunch of random people in school that you’re a virgin. I’m a blunt person as well, but I don’t go telling people random stuff that doesn’t even matter. I mean…who cares? And more importantly, with this happening so long ago, why are you still thinking about it?

@marinelife That reaction seems more than a little immature. Are the booty cooties going to go through her pants, get on the seat, go through your pants and underwear, and infect you or something? Plenty of people don’t wear underwear and it certainly doesn’t make them less “clean” than someone that does.

dappled_leaves's avatar

A couple of years ago? It doesn’t matter by now whether it was a bad idea or not. It’s done and long in the past. No one is thinking about it but you. Think about the choices you make today and tomorrow; no good comes of dwelling on mortifying moments from the past. Let go of it and move on.

kritiper's avatar

Maybe not a good idea, After all, some things are better left unsaid.

marinelife's avatar

@elbanditoroso and @livelaughlove21 It was the setting that made it inappropriate: the workplace. What if she was wearing a dress and didn’t sit on the back of it when she worked?

livelaughlove21's avatar

@marinelife Then her dress is too short to be wearing in said workplace. That’s a whole other issue. Either way, carrying around Lysol is a little dramatic.

GloPro's avatar

Because you indicated in a recent question that you are now in your late 20’s, and you say this happened “a couple years ago,” then I think disclosing such intimate and unusual information probably influenced how some people think of you. They probably wondered what had kept you a virgin so long. I wouldn’t have done it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Are you going to announce it each time when you get laid?

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It was a couple of years ago, what happened as a result of your revelation? Whether it was a bad or good idea should be evident to you by now.

Whether you should or shouldn’t have told them is something only you can decide. It depends on your own personal communication style/needs, your relationship with the group, the context in which the disclosure was made and why you made it. If it was part of an article in a psychology class and you were discussing something that is an important element of your own sense of identity, fine. If it was business communication and you just blurted it out, not so great.

Personally, if it was me I’d just think it’s done and dusted so I’d forget about it.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Here is the real in the deal; it is either good or bad depending on how you see it. You divulged a personal attribute of yourself; it is not like you are the first. People have done so on many avenues of social media, even here on Fluther. I feel it would have been a major tragedy to have gave it away to some horndog, band geek, or jock you will not know 5 years from now. Could it cause some sort of complication or unseen dilemma? Maybe, and maybe not, there might be some smooth horndog at your school who figures to make merchandise of you and have bragging rights that de deflowered you. Mean girls might use it as an attempt to show you are ugly and undesirable because no boy wants to touch you carnally. I do not think it was rude, it certainly was brave, if it is irresponsible, I cannot say one way or the other. Sure, you can’t take it back, but you have not lost much in reality, some may even support you, (I do), had you actually lost it there would be no getting that back but it would be “owned” by another, at least your information you still own and can direct it, close it off, or share it, it can’t be taken by anyone never to be returned

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