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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Ladies, which trumps, fat and handsome, or homely and buff?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (21736 points ) 1 month ago

How much does charm and wit really go for you as to if you would date someone or enter into a relationship with them? People always say it is personality, personality, and more personality. What if you met a man at a function, party, etc. and he was devilishly handsome, kind, considerate, witty and made the conversation flow like water, but he was physically built like this, would that have zero factor when he asks you for a date, or to get to know you better by asking for a number and email etc.? What if it was a homely guy with all of the attributes of the aforementioned man, his personality seem to fit yours like a glove, but he was homely, could-not-buy-a-date-to-the-prom homely but he was built like this. In all honesty you would see them as absolute equal as far as dating? If you see them as absolute equal dating what about dating long-term or being in a relationship with, seeing personality wise, education, and income wise they were so equal you could not slide a playing card between them?

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39 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

Depends still, but homely & buff.

Pandora's avatar

Homely and buff. With all the attributes you say they have, they would hardly look homely after a while. I could’ve even gone with the first guy but that was a ridiculous amount of fat. That guy has a real health issue. That looks like a sick liver. My cousin looked like that when he drank himself to the grave and destroyed his liver. No point in investing my time in a walking time bomb.

JLeslie's avatar

Fat and handsome is probably my pick as long as he is not obese. Personality would trump it all though.

talljasperman's avatar

I’m hoping for tall and cute is worth something. I’m 6’5” and good at small talk.

JLeslie's avatar

@talljasperman Small talk is definitely a winner. Not to mention your humor and knowledge.

chinchin31's avatar

Personality is more important than looks but he has to be reasonably atttractive.

Coloma's avatar

Fat and handsome and SMART and FUNNY.
I do not find skinny buff guys attractive.

Kardamom's avatar

The chubby guy in the example is not devilishly handsome. If that guy’s body had This Face attached to it, then we’d be good to go, but I would be very afraid of losing him too soon and would try to convince him that through diet and exercise he could be more healthy.

In the second example, the man’s body was way too over the top for my taste. So much so, that I don’t recall his face at all (will go back and look again) but if that body had This Face attached to it, then I’d be very interested, but would hope that his body building wasn’t an obsession, because I wouldn’t like dealing with someone like that . A lot of people (mostly people in the U.S.) consider my pick, to be homely, but he gets my rockets going! But I think that has more to do with his yummy personality (although the character he plays on TV seems to go against that, but that’s why we love him) in real life.

My ideal fella would be more of a regular looking guy. Not un-healthily overweight, but with a little pudge. That is actually kind of wonderful to me, especially now that I’m no longer in my 20’s, 30’s or 40’s.

Kardamom's avatar

@Coloma I witcha sista on that front. Although I enjoy Adam Levine’s voice, I think he is way too skinny and chiseled. I don’t like the tattoos at all.

These are more of my kinda Guys

Or Them (Notice how they all have the same hairdo as Howard Wallowitz?)

Coloma's avatar

@Kardamom I like nerdy guys! haha
Yeah, bones grinding on bone is not a turn on.lol

trailsillustrated's avatar

Bummer face nice body wins. The first guy is not attractive in any way. I didn’t look at the second but tall, broad shoulders and slim hips are for me. I like tattoos too. And funny. Has to be funny and nice.

Kardamom's avatar

@Coloma Well then check out this guy! His name is Lee Ingleby, a British actor on the 1960’s era crime drama Inspector George Gently, his character’s name is John Bacchus. He looks like a cross between Ringo and Howard Wallowitz. See for yourself. Hint, he’s the guy on the right.

@trailsillustrated Yes! He definitely has to be funny and nice. Dull and mean are the worst and we’ve all put up with that crap before, in our youth.

Even though I’m enamored with the young (for me) Detective Murdoch, I also have a thing for both Inspector Brackenreid, that’s him on the left, and Constable Crabtree, that’s him on the right, and Dr. Ogden, that’s her on the right of Detective Murdoch. I think they are all very attractive. No wonder I’m addicted to this show : P

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@chinchin31 Personality is more important than looks but he has to be reasonably attractive.
That seems to be where things get dicey. If the person his attractive by the majority, then you get labeled shallow, if the person is attractive to you only, then you are noble.

@trailsillustrated The first guy is not attractive in any way.
Imagine the hunkiest guy you ever seen, magazine, real life, etc. and put his face on that body, would it work for you?

anniereborn's avatar

In the given examples I wouldn’t care to date either one. I may be a fat woman and that makes me hypocritcal….but….it’s not the fat so much as the shape of that man. It’s like a huge balloon sitting on his torso. I prefer proportioned no matter what the size.
And that buff guy? Yuck, I don’t care for the chiseled look. Give me a skinny to pudgy, average looking guy, with a good personality.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@anniereborn I may be a fat woman and that makes me hypocritcal….but….it’s not the fat so much as the shape of that man. It’s like a huge balloon sitting on his torso.
Holy smokes Bullwinkle, a totally honest answer! Thank you for that.

trailsillustrated's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central no. I am not a shamer or any of that but just no, no, and no. I am not into that type of body style. I like: Tall, broad of shoulder and slim of hip. End of. (for me anyway) I am unbendable in this regard.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I’ve been out with guys who are a bit podgy (but in proportion), very skinny, bald, hairy, short, big nosed… I don’t think I go for traditionally ‘cute’ guys. However, I couldn’t really see myself going out with either of the men pictured.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Old, wealthy, and near death.

cazzie's avatar

The build of the guy might tell me about a few of his characteristics. If they are so over weight, I don’t think they have enough self control or perhaps they have emotional damage and they use food to compensate. If the guy is super buff, I might look for signs of narcissism or some other reason they feel they have to work out for hours to look like that and it isn’t something their job relies upon. You see, I’m a ‘relationship half empty’ kind of person. I would get to know either of them better, but I’m not drawn to either, physically. I can’t base a romantic relationship solely on looks, but a person’s personality is reflected in their looks to a degree. I married this: https://www.flickr.com/photos/30277613@N00/4901084544/in/photosof-hovmod/

He has decended into a strange state and now he looks like this: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hovmod/14195582241/ and
http://www.electroracle.com/images/person/1398851706_f8c9a19d02ab317fb038b33e7e217ba2.jpg-1398851711

JLeslie's avatar

@cazzie Wow, that is some change. My husband has gone from clean shaven short hair to long hair with a goatee and back, but you still see his face has not changed, meaning his personality basically looks the same even in the photos. I usually don’t judge a book by its cover, but I have to say I do agree with your generalizations to a point. Especially your generalizations about the very super buff, it is a real turn off to me. As far as overweight I would not say they necessarily lack self control, but I do think usually there is something going on there. However, I think most of us have something whether it be smoking, eating, excessive exercise, alcohol, all sorts of vices. The food is a very visible one, and of course some people are more extreme than others in the use of their vice.

trailsillustrated's avatar

fat guys usually have erectile dysfunction and so do super muscle heads

JLeslie's avatar

LOL. So true.

Aster's avatar

Not sure. I loved Tony Perkins and John Candy (and (Dan Aykroyd is sexy to me) so I guess it doesn’t matter. Personality and brains do matter a lot.

Kardamom's avatar

@Aster, Tony Perkins, yes!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Jonesn4burgers Old, wealthy, and near death.
As long as you are not trying to help him into that Sweet Chariot, I can roll with at as a very smart move.

jca's avatar

The guy in the linked pic is really obese. To me, you can be handsome but if you’re 400 lbs, it’s a deal breaker. Clothes would not hang well, he would probably be very limited in what he could do physically – he might not want to take a hike, he would probably have trouble walking up steps, he might sweat a lot. Now, if a guy is in good shape, but not that good looking, it all depends. His personality would play into it – is he smart, funny, charming? How “not good looking” is he? So I am more likely to go for the guy in good shape but not good looking but again, it all depends on a bunch of factors.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Hey, I think I know that guy. From online, but I’m pretty sure…

Since “handsome” is subjective, I’d love to see a picture of a fat handsome guy. I’ve seen plenty of unattractive buff dudes, so no need for a picture there.

And, wow, that second guy’s body is a little too perfect. It’s nice (very, very nice) to look at, but I wouldn’t want it next to me in bed. Well, okay, maybe just once. :) I’d feel pretty awful about myself next to that dude.

Kardamom's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I think Billy Gardell from Mike and Molly is a total hottie, even though he’s a big fella.

Jonathan Antoine was on the British version of America’s Got Talent. He’s lost a little bit of weight, but I think he’s very cute. I love his hair. Check out his Singing Voice

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Kardamom See, I don’t find either of those dudes attractive.

I actually do know, and am related to by marriage, a big guy that is quite attractive. Would I say that if I’d never met him before and didn’t know that he’s also hilarious and intelligent? I don’t know. I think quite a bit of “attractiveness” has nothing to do with what the person actually looks like.

anniereborn's avatar

@Kardamom I don’t know about that guy’s singing voice (I didn’t actually listen). But i want to steal his hair!

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I had a friend who loved sumo wrestlers. Made no sense to me but to her they’re hot. I just went looking for ‘good looking fat men’ and came up with the 50 most stylish fat guys. I suspect a successful, talented guy who’s carrying weight but is confident and has good self-esteem would be more appealing than his less, talented and confident peers, even if they’re thinner.

Kardamom's avatar

@anniereborn He is an opera singer. Super awesome talent! Go back and check it out. You can fast forward to the part where he is singing. Yes, he does have beautiful hair!

jca's avatar

I have known some guys who were handsome and overweight, but not grossly overweight like 400 lbs. I’m talking maybe stocky (what we’d call “built”).

jonsblond's avatar

I did not read other responses

I’ve known many buff men who were attractive but their personality made them very homely.

I’ll take fat and handsome. I find intelligent, caring and humorous men attractive. I can deal with the extra meat.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@jca Clothes would not hang well, he would probably be very limited in what he could do physically – he might not want to take a hike, he would probably have trouble walking up steps, he might sweat a lot.
He might go on a hike if you carried him. Only go to places where they have escalators or elevators and problem solved. Sweating……well you could make sure you are in water, a beach, river or pool 80% of the time.

His personality would play into it – is he smart, funny, charming?
For the sake of this question, his personality fits yours like a glove, like peas and carrots, peanut butter and chocolate, steak and potatoes, etc.

@Kardamom I had to do a double take to be sure I wasn’t looking at _Joanne Antoine instead of Jonathan Antoine, to me he makes a good overweight homely woman.

@livelaughlove21 It’s nice (very, very nice) to look at, but I wouldn’t want it next to me in bed. Well, okay, maybe just once. :) I’d feel pretty awful about myself next to that dude.
Beware less the Shallowishous worm get you. ~~~ I think you can hang with him. Especially if you are in a flannel plaid shirt, Dukes and cowboy boots; as a guy, I say you have the ”Dude Seal of Approval”, if there was one.

Coloma's avatar

Well..when I say “fat” I mean maybe an extra 30 lbs. not some wallering sumo wrestling buffalo. haha
Let’s change that to “portly”. lol

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