Social Question

Vunessuh's avatar

(NSFW) Have you ever cried during or after an orgasm?

Asked by Vunessuh (16686 points ) April 9th, 2010

This is a two-part question.

My roommate has never had an orgasm. She’s 27 years old. We were talking about it last night and she says that when she thinks she’s about to have one, she immediately withdraws and puts up some sort of physical and/or mental block/guard. She can’t quite figure out why. We think it may be some sort of a trust issue between her and her boyfriend, including every boyfriend she’s had in the past. She doesn’t know if she’s afraid of having one or doesn’t know what to expect or if she’s thinking too hard or too little about one during intercourse.

1) Have you or do you know someone who’s never had an orgasm or experienced their first orgasm much later in life? How did you or they cope with this?

As we began talking more in-depth about her issue, I brought up the fact that I’ve actually cried directly after an orgasm. I explained to her that it wasn’t because I was sad or because I was like, ”Omg, that was the best ever, waahhhhh” but because it was another form of release, and in this case, an emotional release and that sometimes orgasms can trigger other emotions within you. (As far as I know, this is relatively normal in women, I hope.)

2) Have you ever cried during or directly after having an orgasm? Did these emotions confuse you and were you embarrassed to be crying in front of your partner?

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52 Answers

deni's avatar

hmm. no…but i have cried over lack of an orgasm. it can be so frustrating that i get so upset and just cry for a while. am i crazy?...

filmfann's avatar

No, but when I was in my early twenties, it would not be unusual for me to vomit afterwards.
I was dealing with guilt issues.

Coloma's avatar

Absolutely!

A natural release when overcome with a very meaningful session of lovemaking!

It’s about as vulnerable and defenseless and open that a person can ever experience in this limited realm of form.

dpworkin's avatar

I have cried more than once. It felt good, and there was no embarrassment involved – I doubt I would have had such strong feelings had I been with someone who couldn’t be trusted with my emotions.

YoBob's avatar

If you haven’t, you ain’t doing it right… ;)

ucme's avatar

The only answer I can give is that i’ve came across (pardon the pun) women who have cried during orgasm & to me it’s an emotionally charged experience so yeah more than one juice flows.It’s like some people pee when they laugh or even sneeze.At least it’s a fun way to wind up crying.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I was with a woman who would get tearry eyed when I gave her an orgasm. She always looked at me with eyes I compared (in my mind) to puppy eyes. She was 28 at the time.

CMaz's avatar

I love it when women cry after an orgasm.

It says, I’m the man! Hey, I can think what I want.

Jude's avatar

Yes, after.

I felt safe and quite connected to my partner. I was finally able let my guard down and allowed myself to feel the love..

I felt so close to her. It was a good cry. =)

(we’re both ladies)

chyna's avatar

@ChazMaz Or perhaps she is crying because it was the worst sex ever? Just saying…

CMaz's avatar

@chyna – Hey! Do I need to prove it to you? ;-)

Scooby's avatar

Never cried after sex!!?? :-/
Women tend to be a lot more vocal though… in my experience…

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Yes.I am always touched by tear-jerking performances.
I have also laughed out loud.
I have recited The Gettysburg Address too ;)

Have you told your roomate to go F#$% herself?? I know you want to lol

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Yes, I have. Sometimes it’s just so special that my emotions get the better of me.

emergence's avatar

Can she make herself orgasm through masturbation? Perhaps she should spend sometime exploring her own body.

I recognize that ‘blocked’ feeling… I suspect it does have to do with deep emotional issues. I have no idea what the specific issues were that may have been directly related to this for me, but I’ve done a lot and I mean A LOT of personal growth the past few years… and now I have the best orgasms ever.

Fenris's avatar

I used to chat with strippers and hookers and they have a whole mess of tales about guys locking up or breaking down and crying during or after sex. At least the vast majority of them understand that these guys are usually torn up and apart inside.

Cruiser's avatar

I have laughed as well but have observed the lack of orgasm attributable to emotional “issues” and lack of compassion or connection with the partner. You gotta want it to get it and to let it happen without overdoing it or putting pressure to make it happen.

Vunessuh's avatar

@Everyone – Thanks for your answers. GA’s to you all.

@emergence Masturbation is what we suggested to her. Maybe if she has her first orgasm alone, it will build some sort of confidence and she’ll be able to have one with her boyfriend. Thanks.

netgrrl's avatar

Absolutely I’ve cried. And laughed & cried. Not everytime, thankfully but often. And to quote from the movie Steel Magnolias, laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Your friend might be withdrawing from her orgasm because she’s uncomfortable with the thought of how she might look during it or making noises or maybe she’s uncomfortable if her body wants to move more aggressively when she’s near to coming.

I don’t know any women who’ve never had an orgasm and if they say they haven’t then I haven’t believed them.

I’ve never cried during an orgasm but I have afterwards. Also like others, I’ve cried from lack of having them.

Blackberry's avatar

No, but I have felt like it. Good sex is unfathomable and is the closest thing to god we have.

ucme's avatar

I like what Madeline Kahn does in Young Frankenstein.“Oh sweet mystery of life at last i’ve found you” I joked with my wife to try this & received a smack on the ear for my impudence.Well if she can’t sing she should have said so surely.

jfos's avatar

I laugh a lot of times. Especially at the end of a bj. I think it’s the built-up pressure then sudden release. I can see the same being true for people crying—built-up emotion and a sudden release.

Vunessuh's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Your friend might be withdrawing from her orgasm because she’s uncomfortable with the thought of how she might look during it..

Excellent point. That is something we brought up. You also make a great point about her being uncomfortable if her body wants to move more aggressively. Great answer. Thank you.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Blackberry
I agree! It’s so frustrating when some people don’t seem to get that much out of it, like they don’t crave that orgasmic connectedness with their partners. I ask my SO about his orgasms and he says he likes them but they’re no big deal. Weird.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Vunessuh This is pretty extreme, but it sounds like she and her B/F have some communication issues. Maybe they need a little coaching from a third party, either during the act (strange idea) or before? Society throws enough guilt and other crap at women, it’s not surprising she’s pulling back.

Vunessuh's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Well, I’m no sex therapist so I’m certainly not going to sit in the room and coach them. Lulz.
She even told her boyfriend that she’s never had an orgasm and he didn’t seem to care. If I were him, I would make it my mission to help her experience what it’s like. I’m assuming that because of this, she doesn’t trust him, because he doesn’t care enough to help her with this. I’m hoping that if she just experiences her first orgasm on her own, she will then have the confidence built, not to mention she will go in knowing what to expect, and it will allow her to reach one with him. Like @Neizvestnaya said, perhaps she’s uncomfortable about how she will look or how her body will move and she doesn’t want him to see that. Great advice though. They are definitely lacking communication.

whyigottajoin's avatar

1) No, I’ve never met someone like that before, but then again I didn’t ask everyone I know that question.
2) I’ve never cried during or after orgasm.. But when I read this comments I feel like I’m missing out maby?
But then again I’m a simple girl and haven’t any serious problems in my life. For example; I’ve never broken a bone in my life, maby once when I was little, I’ve never experienced death from a person who was very close to me and who I loved very deeply, no heavy trauma’s or anything. knock’s on wood So maby thats why?
I’m only 20 yrs though so maby I will in the future lol.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Vunessuh The B/F’s attitude sucks. I’ve recommended this author before; Nancy Friday writes some good books for women and men. It might be a place they could start.

liminal's avatar

People I know who have not had orgasm until late in life sometimes have issues of shame and past abuse. (I am not saying this is your friend.) Yes, it can also be a sign of trust in the current relationship. I once shared an orgasm with someone who made an off-handed comment about my reaction that made me feel judged as odd. I was in a place where I could have easily wept and this person could have shared a very tender moment with me, instead I shut down and decided not to share orgasm with them ever again.

There is something very raw and unmasking about an orgasm and it isn’t odd for me to cry.

Vunessuh's avatar

@whyigottajoin Crying after an orgasm doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with having any serious problems or heavy trauma, like the examples you provided (losing a loved one, etc.) If you read the answers, most people have cried because of the connection they felt or because it was an emotionally charged experience or because you’ve reached a point where you’ve let your guard down with that person and become completely trusting and open.

@Adirondackwannabe I wrote down the author. Thank you!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

The lack of communication about sex drives me insane. Sex is so good when done well and so bad when done poorly, it can screw up everything else in the relationship. On a lighter note, I almost cried one time after a woman’s orgasm. She had my guy in her mouth and bit down hard when she came.

jfos's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Ouch. That would’ve been 69 stitches.

FutureMemory's avatar

She even told her boyfriend that she’s never had an orgasm and he didn’t seem to care.

What an asshole. I’d eat pussy all day long if I could.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Vunessuh _”...most people have cried because they’ve reached a point where they’ve let their guards down with that person and become completely trusting and open.”

EXACTLY

Vunessuh's avatar

@FutureMemory I thought of suggesting to her to just find a new guy, but she’s really into this one and has already mentioned marriage so I felt it was appropriate to hold off on that, but I agree with you. I’m really surprised he doesn’t take it more seriously.

emergence's avatar

@Vunessuh her BF’s attitude is disturbing, I mean, it sounds like he’s using her body to masturbate if he doesn’t care about what she’s experiencing! Or rather, not experiencing! Sex with someone who’s selfish about sex is the worst.

Vunessuh's avatar

@emergence I completely agree. Damn, I would love to show her this thread too, but @lucillelucillelucille ruined it for me because I would secretly like to tell her to go fuck herself. I guess when they first got together, they were having sex all the time and now these past couple of months he rarely wants to. Plus, she says she has to always ask for a hug and a kiss. He can never just give her one. I think she should move on. I would personally be hurt if my boyfriend never did anything to try and help me reach an orgasm. He is completely ignoring her needs and like you said, sex with someone who’s selfish is the worst. I think she’ll realize that soon enough.

whyigottajoin's avatar

@Vunessuh Aww.. I see. =) I feel like I’m missing out on something here.. I’m very open and trusting with my bf though.. Maby there’s like this whole higher level of connection that I don’t know about. I hope not. I’ve only had sex with three ppl, and one of them is my current boyfriend.

emergence's avatar

@Vunessuh wow yeah hopefully she realizes it and doesn’t commit to the rest of her life like this! Have the rest her her boyfriends been as cold with intimacy? I mean, no hug, no kisses, no cuddling…. I mean, even if she has to ask for it and gets it then, it’s not the same as true intimacy with a willing partner. Maybe she has intimacy issues that lead her to tend to get in relationships with such men. And I suspect that both the intimacy issues and the relationships with such men is a sort of 1, 2 punch to knockout any possibility of orgasm! Maybe some women don’t need a strong emotional connection to orgasm, but I know I do.

susanc's avatar

I didn’t experience orgasm until I was pretty old and then it was only because my idiot boyfriend suggested (with a leer) that I should get a vibrator while I was away from Himself for a few months. Everything changed. I couldn’t believe it. Where’d THIS feeling come from? I didn’t know what it was. After awhile I thought, Wait, you mean what I was doing before WASN’T orgasm? Dang.
I exchanged the fool (who refused to have anything to do with the nice new vibrator, and didn’t want to learn what I had learned) fairly soon for someone who was perfect, and with whom I cried all the time and then smiled, and who was tender toward me (hence the tears). We had fun and amazement and warmth and good times for a long, long time. Yay.
Thanks, Ralph Seeley, for the suggestion. I owe you.

Vunessuh's avatar

@whyigottajoin Perhaps one day it will happen for you and you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about. :)

@emergence I’m not sure of her past relationships. I know she was with one guy for 6 years and another for 3, but I don’t know if she ever told them that she’s never had an orgasm. I suspect you’re right that she is one of these women who needs a strong emotional connection to have an orgasm and perhaps that’s what has been missing. That and you can lose a lot of trust in a relationship if you know your s/o doesn’t care about your sexual needs, especially something as simple as having an orgasm. It’s not like she’s asking for anything extreme. I feel like I should just fuck the poor girl myself to help her out a little, because nobody else is.

Brian1946's avatar

No, but I lmao when I squirted myself in my eye with an orgasm.

bob_'s avatar

@Vunessuh If you decide to, um, help her yourself, and you need a coach, I selflessly volunteer for the mission XD

Sophief's avatar

No I haven’t.

jo_with_no_space's avatar

I will answer both your questions in one answer. I have had in the past, and still have to some extent, control issues related to letting go and orgasming at the hands of someone else, so I can understand how that feels. It has got easier as I’ve got older and the sex (and sex partners!) have got better. On more than one occasion, I have cried after orgasm, through a sense of being emotionally overwhelmed and purged. For myself, the emotion felt beautiful and pure. I would not say that I was embarrassed, but I can understand that it could be seen as strange to some people. My partner has never taken it too heavily and sometimes asks me why I am crying.

JeffVader's avatar

@filmfann Wow…. not meaning to negate what you were clearly going through, but that must have been somewhat devastating to your partner at the time.

JeffVader's avatar

@susanc I think thats just about the best revenge story ever told :)

filmfann's avatar

@JeffVader Best as I remember, they were all amused by it.

Ludy's avatar

I tought I was the only one that cry after orgasms, btw, i had my first just recently and never used to masturbate till I found the clitoris, i never belive in it but I experimented and well I’m a happier woman! ;)

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