Social Question

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

How do you go about making friends?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (25799 points ) September 20th, 2010

Do you make friends easily? What do you do to draw people close?

I moved back to Hawaii almost 4 years ago from the mainland to be near my kids, and I suddenly realized that I have few friends. It’s mostly due to the fact that I have my kids with me on the weekends, and while I’m at home during the day time on weekdays, everyone else is out busy earning a living. The friends I have are not the kind who simply “hang out.”

I used to volunteer at the library’s literacy center, but that closed. My best friend bought a restaurant and now works 7 days/week. I’m missing companionship.

Have you ever moved and had to make new relationships?

Who are your friends? Are they mostly family members? How many new people do you let into your life?

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30 Answers

iamthemob's avatar

Go work at the restaurant. Relationships generally result from people you meet at work, school, etc. – if you don’t have a structured schedule where you’re meeting with people regularly…it’s a lot more difficult to be a fixture for them (or them for you).

It’s just easier that way. Otherwise, volunteer (with a larger group of people who would share your interests). But you need to get out there.

tranquilsea's avatar

meetup.com is a great site for meeting people who have the same interests as you. You just have to get out there and talk to people.

TexasDude's avatar

It doesn’t take much for me to make friends. People randomly introduce themselves to me all the time. I guess I just have a magnetic personality.

AmWiser's avatar

I have a hand full of friends and that is enough for me. When I worked I had a lot of friends that now I realize were only acquaintences. True friends keep in touch.

Put your dog and your friend in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

RANGIEBABY's avatar

Making friends is really easy. You just talk to people, where ever and if you gel, you meet up again. Talk to your neighbors, people at the market, people where ever you go doing what you like to do.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You definitely do.

I haven’t made many new friends offline recently. But usually if I do, they’re already friends with current friends of mine. I always get nervous going to a new class when the semester starts because I literally have zero friends at school since I am a commuter. I find it easier to chat with the professors than the other students most of the time. As it stands right now, a lot of my friends have gotten married and moved/had kids, moved away for school, or are constantly busy. So during the week I am pretty much alone – it’s kind of depressing. I would welcome more friends but, I always worry about what other people think of me or if I am being too bothersome.

ducky_dnl's avatar

Friends?

RANGIEBABY's avatar

@tragiclikebowie There is no reason you can’t have as many friends as you want. You know there will always be people that don’t like us for whatever reason, no matter what we do. But, there will be people that will like us if we remain comfortable with who we are. I never worry about what other people think of me, if I am not their type, then they probably are not mine either.
Why worry about other people, this is your life, not theirs. You need to spend a little more time looking at just who you are. Ask yourself some questions like, do I like who I am, do I treat people the way I would like to be treated, am I a phony or am I real with people? Get to know yourself and love who you are, then it doesn’t matter one little tiny bit what other people think.

muppetish's avatar

I don’t make friends easily at all. Acquaintances accumulate themselves—I (usually) have little problem carrying a conversation on with a stranger—but friendships? Those are much more difficult. I actually don’t know how to answer this question. Sometimes I connect with a person on a different plane when I meet them… I just get a good feeling and put forth the effort to be friends. I’ve very rarely converted a casual acquaintance into a full-fledged friendship.

@tragiclikebowie I had this commuter problem too. I have formed several friendships with people I have met on public transit, but before then I was far more interested in carrying a conversation with my professors (who are deeply fascinating people.) Joining my campuses English Honors Society helped meet my current mentor (we’re planning a travel schedule for the year.) You should check out what organizations your campus has.

Seaofclouds's avatar

All of the friends I have here in Kansas I’ve met because of the Army. Some of them are other Army wives whose husbands are deployed with mine and the others are my neighbors or are the parents of some of my son’s friends.

In the past, I’ve made some really great friends through work and my hobbies. I was a member of an anime club and I met a lot of friends through that as well. I miss them now that I have moved away from them.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

well I have my 5 main friends right now, which are my friends Alex (Xela), Oliver (tre), Alexa, and my sweet, sweet Amber. But I try not to let too many in my life, most of the others are just acquaintances pretty much in ho I sorta view it. But I just start out with a simple “hey” or “hello” or whatever, then I get to know them and what they like and so on and so on. Then we either become friends or acquaintances, simple as that for me. Though i know friends are hard to get these days to me….Er….At least to me and for me…... But yeah that’s all I do, I hope you make some :) I’ll be your computer friend if that helps!

RANGIEBABY's avatar

@Seaofclouds I joined a women’s club. We meet every monday from 10 to 2. We bring our lunch and everybody has some sort of art they do. Be it watercolor, oils, pastels, pencil, charcoal, whatever. There are tables and chairs there for our use. We talk and draw, talk more during lunch. Then my neighbor invited me to an Arbon Party at her house. They sell natural things like make up, diet protein powder, etc. I met this woman there, who happened to be the representative. She spent time with me talking about medical issues and so on. It turned out that she was a nurse practitioner. And now she is my doctors NP and I am seeing her. I made many new wonderful friends there. We had a party called “trade clothing” where we all brought things we bought and basically never wore and threw them in a pile on the floor. We all went through them and what was left over went to Goodwill. There are all kinds of ways to meet people that have the same interest that you do. But you have to put yourself out there to do it.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@RANGIEBABY I completely agree about being able to meet people when you put yourself out there. To be honest, I haven’t really tried to make a lot of friends here because I know we’ll be moving away again soon. We lived in Texas for about 6 months. When we move from here next year, we will have been here for about 18 months. Once we get settled in one location, I plan to get a lot more involved with some of my hobbies.

RANGIEBABY's avatar

@Seaofclouds Good for you. I am having the time of my life. With my new friends. We have been here 1 year and love every bit of it.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

@RANGIEBABY Well that’s part of the problem – I’m not completely comfortable with who I am. Well, I should specify – I’m extremely self conscious and often think I am not deserving of things because I’m not good enough, etc. I am trying to work on this.

@muppetish I always think about that but I get intimidated by the idea of joining a club or society on campus very easily. Plus, I am transferring very soon so I feel it’s kind of futile to get involved and then just leave.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I find that getting involved with groups, especially start-up ones, can result in some good connections.

The idea of working at the restaurant for your friend, even if unpaid. might be a good way to meet people. Even if it’s showing up in the morning, sweeping the sidewalk out front, putting plants near the front door and being responsible for watering them. I have a friend that owns a liquor store, and his father comes every morning and washes the windows, sweeps the sidewalk, puts out water for dogs, put out some pots of flower. Everyone knows Henry. He joined the neighborhood business association, and helps out lots of small businesses in various ways. He’s on two different neighborhood fair committees.

Are you involved with your children’s schools? Many of my friends were made through my children in middle school and high school.

RANGIEBABY's avatar

@tragiclikebowie _ I’m extremely self conscious and often think I am not deserving of things because I’m not good enough, etc._ Are you saying you think you are not perfect? None of us are perfect, and never will be. I don’t know you, but there is nothing about you that is less than anybody else. Let’s be honest, I am a Catholic, but the Pope is just a man like any other man in this world. His chosen calling has not made him any better than you or me. So you are good enough and that feeling needs to go in your little red wagon, to be emptied on trash day. :)

Ltryptophan's avatar

Words with friends has taught me an invaluable lesson….too many friends means you go crazy trying to beat all of them (read give them all attention) find the right amount…which might be 1 or 2

tragiclikebowie's avatar

@RANGIEBABY Thanks for those kind words. I will sincerely try.

RANGIEBABY's avatar

@tragiclikebowie You are so deservingly welcome.:)

TexasDude's avatar

@tragiclikebowie, you know I’d totally hang out with you.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard And you’re smart too my friend. ;)

delirium's avatar

I’m excellent at finding people who are interested in me and want to spend time with me. I am usually both ‘The Clever One’ and ‘The Problem Solver’ which is an appealing combination. What is harder is finding people that I actually want to spend time with. There are too few of them around.

Cruiser's avatar

Lots of crisp $20.00’s helps and so does being a designated driver.

TexasDude's avatar

@delirium, I’m sure you are also the go-to girl anytime someone needs to see a paradigm of human beauty.

delirium's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I usually prefer the term paragon, but I’ll let that one slip this time. ;)

BoBo1946's avatar

Just have a positive attitude.

NaturallyMe's avatar

I have no idea! The last time i made friends relatively easily was in high school. Since then i studied university degree through correspondence studying, so didn’t meet people at university, then i worked at a TINY 5 member law firm for a year, so didn’t make friends there, and that was basically the last thing i did to be able to meet new people. I now work from home with my husband. My best friend since school moved to the UK (i’m in South Africa), so that’s just a sorry state of affairs. She’s my only real friend who i’m 100% comfortable with. There’s one or 2 more people, but we’re not friends friends, more like friendly acquaintances who used to go out for coffee now and again. Which won’t happen anymore either since i moved to another city recently. So at the moment i have no real friends nearby. :/
I’m not the type of person to speak to random people, and i don’t easily just talk about stuff, i’m quiet and introverted, so it’s difficult for me to make friends.
So i’d say, go places where you’re in constant contact with the same group of people so that you can get to know them over time. I think that would be the easiest way to make friends.

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t search for friends, seek them out or try to make it happen, if it does it just does and that’s that. It’s also priceless.

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