General Question

Brew805's avatar

Going on a first date, what to do, what not to do?

Asked by Brew805 (150points) May 1st, 2008

My friend and I are going on a double date with gals we’ve never met before (yes, I’m sure they’re girls), and I was just curious as to what some rules might be. We’re going to a farmers market. Do we pay for everything? What do they expect? What might be going too far? Thanks!

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19 Answers

robmandu's avatar

Since you’ve never actually met these women before, my suggestion is to simply treat it like the four of you are hanging out like friends. So friends rules apply. No overt touching or closeness. Flirting, if any, should be light and casual… and not certainly sexual. Pay dutch. Et cetera.

Feel out the chemistry during this introductory period… and at the end of this get-together, decide if you want to ask your counterpart out on a real date. And if you think you that you do want to, then ask her out sooner rather than later (ideally just before you part ways at the end of this meet)... don’t leave her hanging out there wondering if she made a good impression or not.

Brew805's avatar

thanks rob, that was great!

robmandu's avatar

btw… the farmers’ market sounds like a great venue for this. Food, walking, activity, time to talk, lots of conversation-starters around… a superb environment in which to make that all-important first impression!

edmartin101's avatar

It’s just like a casual date where your job is to break the ice and give her all your attention. A good start to break the ice is to talk about neutral subjects, like the weather, the song of the week, compliments on her dress, hair, purse,etc. If she is shy, then you will carry on the conversation, but give her some space. If she is expressive then eye contact is very important, if she is just listening attentively and does only subtle movements to compose herself, then she is probably an analytical type, she would be interested in the details of your story; a turn-off to her don’t look over the side when another attractive lady passes by. Have a good repertoire of good stories and jokes. She wants to know if you are non threatening and easy to get along with. Beware not to show you are nervous by constantly fixing your glasses, your hair, your watch, etc. You guys should take care of the bill.

Sloane2024's avatar

I agree with ed. Foot the bill. Its SO awkward for the girl when she has to pull out her wallet & try to decipher which part of the bill is hers. Plus, if she THINKS ur paying, & you don’t, oh boy… Weird, strange, awkward, & tense don’t even begin to describe what the rest of your evening could possibley be like. Good luck & I hope everything goes well!!! :)))

Brew805's avatar

You guys are all pros, thanks for everything! Should be an interesting evening…

shilolo's avatar

I liked Rob’s answer a lot, except for the part about paying dutch, unless they absolutely insist. In particular, if the date is going well, and you hope to see her/them again, then when you get “the check” (I use this term loosely at a farmer’s market), and she says “Let’s split it” then you can casually reply “Nah, you can get the check the next time”. Sends the right message without being overt.

I also think that being gentlemanly/chivalrous is generally the right thing to do even if you never plan to see her again. Plus, you never know with these things. You and her may not have the right chemistry, but being nice may pay off later when she sets you up with someone else.

wildflower's avatar

I agree with shilolo, offer to pay, but not in a ‘it’s expected’ kind of way, but rather as ‘hey, my treat’ kind of way. Shows generosity and chivalry. Also, don’t shy away from letting the girl go first, holding the door, etc. but without being overly attentive, just standard politeness (i.e. be on best behavior to make a good impression).

Otherwise, what robmandu said, be casual. The girls are probably no more committed to this than you are and will want the freedom to figure out where it should/could go.

nikipedia's avatar

I have nothing to add to what’s been said already, but do give us all an update after the fact!

Brew805's avatar

Every answer has been great! This is definitely an art. I’ll be sure to let you know how it went by tomorrow. Thanks again!

figbash's avatar

One don’t: Don’t talk about your exes!

jessemangiagli's avatar

friends first. create a comfort environment and build trust before you think of this blind date at all with girlfriend or sexual interests. Make her want to be with you. Prove your worth, be energetic, just have fun

jamzzy's avatar

its important if the date goes well you say “we should do this again.” dont forget the number…it really gets you lol

Allie's avatar

If you eat, don’t eat pasta. The sauces can go all over the place. Just a heads up..

wildflower's avatar

although helping to clean up the spill can be a good excuse to touch…..

kapuerajam's avatar

dont plan your wedding

breanne's avatar

I would agree with most of the above postings, just make sure not to over compliment. While I can’t speak for all females, it makes most people I know really uncomfortable to be complimented incessantly simply because there is lack of conversation happening. I’m not sure I’d feel particularly comfortable if my date concentrated on my hair and outfit unless there was something specifically unique about the whole getup. Instead, talk about what the two of you might have studied in school and if this corresponds to what you do for work, play, etc. People almost always have an opinion about food and music.

Brew805's avatar

Update: everything went very well! Although one of the girls was very stuck up to my friend (who is just like me), she was very nice to me, and the other girl told me to call her soon and has been texting me ever since we left. Although it was fun and a good experience (for me, my buddy hated it haha), we probably won’t see them again. Thanks for all the advice from everyone!

edmartin101's avatar

@Brew805 Hey dude, that girl is interested in you…..texting you and stuff. You never know maybe she can intro one of her friends to your buddy. I would say in personal relationships as well as in business the same rule applies…..ask for referrals

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