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Koeraay's avatar

He is too jealous, what do I do?

Asked by Koeraay (11points) July 16th, 2012

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months. All we do is argue and that is because of his jealousy and ever possessive attitude. He dictates and expects me to do everything he says. He suspects I’m dating every dick and harry. I love him but those things he does drive me crazy. All I can think of right now is to break up with him but I love him. Please, help!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do? What we have is a platonic relationship. He doesn’t even trust me.

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26 Answers

bookish1's avatar

Hi, welcome to fluther.
You might love him, but it sounds like you’re pretty miserable and desperate.

It also sounds like he might be abusive.

You are capable of falling in love with other people who respect you, are not jealous and possessive, and do not try to control you.
In short, with someone who is rational, not abusive, and makes you happy!
I think you already know what you need to do.
Good luck.

blueknight73's avatar

Leave now! Its only going to get worse. He sounds to be very insecure and posessive. People like that rarely change.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Why is he your boyfriend if he treats you like you are his slave?

Wake up, girl. He is crapping on you and you are accepting it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Koeraay I just sent you a question, look it over and see what you think.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Welcome @Koeraay
Leave before you get hurt—either physically or mentally.

josie's avatar

Sounds like my ex wife. Can’t give you different advice than I would give myself. I would dump him.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Welcome to Fluther!

It is possible to love someone but not be in love. That is a whole other topic. What has been described is of a person who controlling and is unwilling to trust based upon actions and words that do not support any reason to justify distrust. It sounds right that this relationship is being questioned as to whether it can continue or not. I think that you know the answer.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
creative1's avatar

You can’t change a person he can only change himself if he wants to. Have you tried talking to him rationally and calmly explaining all this to him? If not I would do it immediately and let him know at the same time that this type behavior is making you think that the relationship may need to come to an end. Ask him if someone has cheated on him in the past and if he has then let him know you are not his past relationship. If he is willing to work on this then I would give him a chance but I would suggest seeing a therapist to help especially if he’s had a past with relationships that have cheated on him. Good luck and Welcome to Fluther!

Trillian's avatar

Drop him like a bag of dirt.

JLeslie's avatar

Viscious cycle, I am not sure who started it. He is jealous and possessive probably because you are in fact emotionally on your way out the door. He is right at this point, you probably are looking for someone to solitify your walking out, or waiting for your boyfriend to finally do something that you can feel good about telling him you want to break up. You are in a downward spiral. You think he can’t read your mind, but he can. If he is a good guy, not abusive, not trying to keep you from friends and family, then you have to either show him the committment you want to have with him, or break up and stop torturing him and yourself.

There is no way from the internet for me to know what is really happening between the two of you, so I am not assuming anything, just putting out there what happens often in these situations when there isn’t abusive, and both people are basically good people.

marinelife's avatar

Break up, break up, break up!!!! These are classic signs of an abuser. He is trying to control what you wear, who you see, where you go. It will only get worse.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Leave him, please. I know it’s hard to consider, perhaps, but you have to try.

bolwerk's avatar

Don’t leave him yet, but deliver an ultimatum.. It should go something like this: I can’t take this controlling behavior anymore. It needs to stop. If you can’t control it, either we need to get counseling or this relationship needs to end.

Personally, I would make clear that I’m getting all the consequences of cheating without even enjoying the benefits of cheating. But maybe that’s a bad idea.

Sunny2's avatar

Now is the time to leave. You have every reason to leave and only emotion makes you want to stay. Use your head. It isn’t a good fit. He may use tears or threats to make you stay, but, as all but two of the comments above suggest, don’t.

linguaphile's avatar

The comfort of being ‘together’ is not worth the discomfort of being harassed for something you didn’t do.

Move on… you’ll really, honestly and truly feel better when you’re out of this relationship. It might not seem like it now, but at the end of the line, you will feel better.

Judi's avatar

I never get this explanation of love. “the guy is a controlling jerk but I love him.” It sounds more like masochism than love. You must be getting something out of this in order to put up with abuse. And don’t kid yourself, this IS abuse.
I promise you, this WILL get worse. Please don’t let yourself get pregnant. Chances are good that it would turn from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse.

bookish1's avatar

@Judi: Yes, I’m inclined to think the “getting something out of this” comes down to “feeling this is all I deserve.” :-/

snapdragon24's avatar

Run for the exit

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Staying with someone who continues to hurt you just because you love him isn’t very wise. I don’t say this to be mean. I have made this very mistake myself… and should have left. Things do not seem like they will get better for you. i advise you to leave while you still can. It may be painful right now, but is staying really worth the added pain you are likely to get? There’s only so much a person can take. And there are people out there who would not do this to you.

janedelila's avatar

I, and most people answering you, have been through this. Delivering an ultimatum means that you must be willing to stick around and “help” during what will surely be a long process. And it may not take. I say leave him.I, and most people answering you, have been through this. Delivering an ultimatum means that you must be willing to stick around and “help” during what will surely be a long process. And it may not take. I say leave him.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Whow fucking gave me a GA for editted.? You clowns

janedelila's avatar

Ah geez, didn’t notice it @Adirondackwannabe now it’s too late to edit. Sorry.

Judi's avatar

I just gave you a GA to make you crazy. :-)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You guys are nuts. A melville for a wrongly spelled word. LMAO

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