What helps you stop worrying when someone you know and love has cancer?

You can’t really stop worrying. What you can do is help and learn.
You can help by doing things around the house. You can help by not adding to the burden your parents are already carrying. By that I mean do the best you can in school. Behave without being asked to behave. Hang out with friends you would be proud to show to your mother.
Be the best you can be. Don’t add to her worries.

This situation is a chance to learn many important life lessons. If you keep your eyes and mind open it will make you a better person.
Even though it is hard to see now, your mother is giving you a gift. Handle it well. .

I agree with @LuckyGuy – it’s part of life. There maybe some persons in your school or place who have undergone the same process on different extent and levels and try to talk with them, ask advise.The only difference probably is on how they handle each situation. Do what you think is going to make her think that you can work on your own and that she can trust you on your own without adding burden. Prayer and meditation will also help. Stay strong and take care of your self as well!

@AnonymousWoman How old are you? I agree with @LuckyGuy about helping and learning, but the rest of his post assumes you are still in school, and since your username has woman in it, I wonder if you actually are still in school? Of school age so to speak. Maybe @LuckyGuy already knows your age from previous Q’s. If you are young, I agree, keep up your grades and try to do what is expected of you at home.

If you are an adult, possibly letting your mom know you want to know what she is going through will help? I don’t know for sure. In your head the treatment might sound worse than her actual experience. I don’t know if that is the actual case obviously. I do know it can be very very hard to watch someone we love go through something so difficult. You don’t want to burden your mom with having to make you feel better during a time like this, but I think it is ok to let her know she doesn’t have to keep up a good front for you. That you already have a lot of fear about what she is going through, and would rather know the reality than let your mind wonder to the worst.

I’m no expert, so take my suggesstion as only an idea, I don’t have much experience with this sort of thing.

It reminds me of a story my mom once told me when she worked at the National Cancer Institute. A child had received some chemo and was feeling very sick to his stomach. His mom was unable to contain herself, she was quite upset, and her son took her hand (he was young, maybe 10) and said along the lines of, “don’t worry mom, it’s not that bad, I’ll be ok.” He actually was handeling his treatment pretty well overall. Her show of concern allowed him to reassure her he was handeling it. It’s a fine line. We don’t want to add to the worries of the sick one by having them worry about us, but being stoic and trying to always put on a good front isn’t always the best thing either.

A looong time ago, I was a young teenager when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer which eventually took her life. When she rapidly became bedridden my brother and I were faced with two main life choices: We could take advantage of the situation and enjoy our freedom, or work hard, help, and make my parents’ lives easier. We both chose the latter.
No one asked us to do it. We knew it was the right thing to do. My life today is much better off for it. Thanks Mom!

I’m sorry if my answer was not age appropriate for you. I read and answered your question through my younger eyes.

You cannot just stop worrying.

You do need to hide your worry from your Mom (who has enough on her plate).

Perhaps se if the hospital where she is being treated has a cancer support group for families. That would be the best and safest place to speak your fears aloud, which is necessary for coping with them. Or there are probably cancer support groups for families online. Look at this site.

Of course you will worry but non constructive worry can make you sick.
If your spiritual you might be able to make it more constructive by surrendering this situation. I guess you don’t have to be spiritual but it makes it easier for me to turn things I have no control over to the hands of a higher power that I trust.
The other thing that helps me keep my worry from controlling me is yoga. I’m not sure why but it calms and centers me. Everyone around me likes me better when I am doing yoga consistently. I have way less anxiety.
Sorry about your mom. I pray for her full recovery. Losing my mom to cancer was one of the hardest times in my life.

I’m not sure it’s useful to hide your worry. If your mom knows about your concern she knows that you ‘get it’, the situation is serious and should get your attention in a gut-wrenching way. Certainly don’t try to act like everything’s ok, that’s too much work and will suppress some of the emotional work you need to do sooner or later.

On the other hand, your response to your worry, and how you express yourself to your mom and others is important. Sadness and grief at your mom’s loss of complete health is completely appropriate. Cry, that’s normal. But people who get hysterical and go into wild crazy rantings then that is all about them and probably won’t benefit anyone – do keep that kind of thing to yourself.

I suggest to work with a friend or therapist or at least your journal to understand all the worry/fear you are feeling, there are probably multiple components. You may be worried that your mom is suffering and may be facing additional suffering. You may be worried that you may lose her, and you may be worried that she’s worried about you. You may be worried about yourself without her in your life. Give yourself permission to feel every bit of that.

@Judi is right that one way or another surrender may be forced onto you. Some aspects of life are simply beyond our abilities to change or take any action. Acceptance is necessary to get to the peace you need on the other side of the experiences around this situation.

This is a normal reaction.
Honesty about how you feel for her…tell her.
She would appreciate your opening the discussion on it.
Realize that a solution for yur mother will show up and be positive thatshe will find the appropriate treatment.
Do you attend group therapy for relatives of a cancer victum?
Phone the hospital and find one soon,.
You then can alleviate some stress on you and others.
Plus assist your mother in this situation better. Be informed.

I just reread your question.
To stop worrying?
Remember for every negative there is a positive too.
Just choose to think the positve outcome.
Visualize the best outcome.

Thanks for all the advice so far. It’s been very helpful.

To clear things up, I’m not in any support group. And I am 23 years old. I haven’t been a student since 2011.

I understand the assumptions, though. And thank you for explaining why you made your assumption, @LuckyGuy. I appreciate it.

It’s natural for you to feel scared. You obviously love and care for you mother and feel a lot of empathy for what she is going through. I agree with @dabbler that I’m not so sure that hiding your fear and worry is helpful to her. Yes, you have to make her feel positive and strong by being strong yourself. She is going to need to lean on you in a way that she may never have had to before. Now you’re old enough to be there for her when she needs you as she was for you growing up. It may be a difficult shift for both of you.

I have some mixed feelings about the whole issue of showing emotions in this kind of situation based on my own experience. You see, in my family, we have never been good at being open with our emotions. There is much love and caring, and not really an inability to express emotion, simply more of an awkwardness about it, a discomfort. I’m not sure why, it’s just always been that way.

When I was 19 I had cancer and one of the weirdest things about it was how we (my entire family) didn’t really talk about it. We had to go to the doctors together, my mother nursed me and cared for me, but the idea of dying, the idea of fear, that was just never talked about. I was complicit in it because I think if I had talked about it, they would have been more emotive and open also. As it was, it was an awkward situation. The only time that made me angry was when my mother, in a protective,well meaning effort to keep me from being overly optimistic (lest I be disappointed later) downplayed the results of my first chemotherapy session. I had had a large swelling on my neck and after my very first treatment I noticed it had been reduced in size quite a bit. I went to her very excited to show her how the treatment was working. She told me not to get too excited. I know that sounds mean, but she didn’t mean it to be. She didn’t want me to have false hope. I guess she wanted me to know that it might be a long road to recovery and there was no magic bullet. Thing is, I knew that. I felt very hurt and angry at her response.

But what does this have to do with you? I think it says that honesty and openness and talking about things, not hiding them, is better. No one really knows how good a prognosis someone has. I was told by my doctor that in such cases (that is, in my stage of the disease) “we don’t hope for a cure, we just hope to keep it under control”. That made me angry too. I was afraid, but I was a fighter. I can consider myself cured at this point. It’s been a long time.

How can you help your mother? Ask her. Mom, what can I do that will make this easier for you? I want to help in any way that I can. Please feel that you can be open with me. Let me know if you need anything

Simply saying that you are there for her, and showing her that you are strong enough to deal with her fears and her weaknesses, will mean an awful lot to her.
I agree that crying and hysterical jags would increase your mother’s trauma and are not a good idea. But a fake cheeriness that makes it hard for her to break through to you and be honest with you is not the answer either. Just be yourself and be as open as you can be with her. Don’t pretend not to see when she’s having a physically hard time of it. Try to keep life as normal as possible. Don’t treat her like a patient or victim. She’s the same person she always was.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I wish you all the grace and strength you will need to get through this. We are all capable of so much more than we know. It is in being tested by life that we find this out. If you ever need some emotional support feel free to PM me.

I’m sorry your family is faced with this, @AnonymousWoman. Feel free to lean on us any time, and we will do our level best to support you. <3

the short answer is you cant stop worrying because you care.
What can help is to become educated about what she has and what she is going through.
Much of the battle has to do with trust. This is especially hard when there is not much you can trust in.

Be there for her. Ask her how she is. Be prepared for the answer. While all your lives are certainly changed because of this, sneak in some activities that are or were normal and common.
Accept the path that you are both on.
Be supportive of the tough days and cherish each and every day.
Tell her each and every day that you love her and how wonderful she is.
Keep yourself healthy in mind and body.

Prayers go out to your family

@AnonymousWoman You might not be a teenager but you will always be your mother’s daughter.
A slightly more adult version of my advice still holds. Help your mom. Do the best you can do in your own “house” – job, education, love life, health. Eat right, exercise, sit up straight, etc. Avoid smoking, drugs, wild friends, texting while driving…. You know… all the things that would make a parent worry.
This is your chance to really set the direction for your life. Your mother’s situation can give you the impetus you need. Make her proud. You both will sleep better for it.

Worrying tends to go around in a circle – it’s the natural, less-useful side of caring. Caring goes forward. Caring allows you to learn; worry kind of not so much. Caring requires you to learn. Go for it!
Let your mother see you growing – that’s what parents hope for. She’s growing too. It’s a hard curriculum right now, but obviously, from what you’ve written here, you’re up to the task. And you’re not alone.
Who listens to you? Are they helping? Some listeners are better than others….so gently weed out the less-good ones. You deserve lots of attention. Here we all are, but it’s also good to have people in your life who can look at your face and see your feelings first-hand. And maybe know when to hug the hell out of you.
xoxoxo