General Question

elchoopanebre's avatar

When did you know it was time to get married?

Asked by elchoopanebre (3074points) June 24th, 2008

To all of you married Flutherites (I am not one myself…), how long did you know your spouse before you knew he/she was the one? How long did you have to wait to get married?

And anything else along those lines.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

Dr_Phil's avatar

Dr. Phil’s Advice On Getting Married
Everybody has core characteristics in their personality. Any incompatibility you experience with your partner won’t magically change. If you don’t address it before the wedding, they will only get worse and worse. Wedding papers change nothing!
If you’re divorced and have children, and ditto goes for your partner, that’s a huge deal! You’re not only merging two lives together, you’re merging two families with history. Work out issues until the threats of canceling the wedding stop, before walking down the aisle.
Too many people fall into the trap of preparing for the wedding, and not the marriage. Prepare for the marriage, and enjoy your wedding.
Remember your wedding is just a day, marriage is a lifetime.
You shouldn’t say we’re going to get married on X day. You need to say we’re going to get married when we’ve done the work to resolve the problems and we have a plan. Then, and only then, when you have a life plan and you feel good about each other, should you claim that victory by walking down the aisle.
If you really love each other, and want to get married, you will do the work to get to that point.
For people very young and in love, don’t put the adult phase into a preparation phase. You need to be an individual alone, before you can be an individual in a partnership. Grow and experience by yourself, before making the decision to get married.
If you haven’t done your homework, and things start to fall apart in your marriage, your child pays the price.

gailcalled's avatar

Dr. Phil: attribution? And a few breaks for the achy-eyed among us, please?

AstroChuck's avatar

When the rabbit died.

tia29's avatar

We were together for 5 years and I was happy but he wanted to seal the deal. I think what sealed the deal for him was when we were deployed at the same time. I agree with the doc though make sure you know what eachother goals and ambitions are. We had a long conversation about what we wanted and expected from eachother.

bridold's avatar

We were together for 3 years and were engaged for a year.

We had been living together for a year, knew we wanted to be with eachother for the rest of our lives and knew that we could do what we wanted to do with our lives with each other.

marinelife's avatar

We had known each other as friends for several years before we started dating. We moved in together, and then got married just shy of a year later. It will be 25 years in August.

We knew that we had the same core values (very important), and we knew we wanted to be together for the long haul. It helps if you can imagine yourself growing old with your partner and that produces happy thoughts not panic.

AstroChuck's avatar

Why on Earth was my answer removed?
How does an innocent comment about a prenabcy test get father and removed? Has no one heard of a “rabbit test?” I can only image what goes on in some of you moderators’ minds! Give me a break. “The rabbit died” is an old reference meaning she’s pregnant.

AstroChuck's avatar

that was supposed to read “flagged and removed.” GD iPhone!

Dr_Phil's avatar

The rabbit test was an early pregnancy test developed in 1927 by Bernhard Zondek and Selmar Aschheim. The original test actually used mice. The test consisted of injecting the tested woman’s urine into a female rabbit, then examining the rabbit’s ovaries a few days later, which would change in response to a hormone only secreted by pregnant women. The hormone, human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), is produced during pregnancy and indicates the presence of a fertilized egg; it can be found in a pregnant woman’s urine and blood. The rabbit test became a widely used bioassay (animal-based test) to test for pregnancy. The term “rabbit test” was first recorded in 1949 but became a common phrase in the English language. Xenopus frogs were also used in a similar “frog test”.

Modern pregnancy tests still operate on the basis of testing for the presence of the hormone hCG. Due to medical advances, use of a live animal is no longer required.

It is a common misconception that the injected rabbit would die only if the woman was pregnant. This led to the phrase “the rabbit died” being used as a euphemism for a positive pregnancy test. In fact, all rabbits used for the test died, because they had to be surgically opened in order to examine the ovaries. While it was possible to do this without killing the rabbit, it was generally deemed not worth the trouble and expense.

richardhenry's avatar

[Fluther Moderator:] I didn’t remove your response, but I have restored it. Sorry for the misunderstanding on our end; it was flagged by other members as off-topic spam and we jumped the gun.

AstroChuck's avatar

Thanks RH.

Knotmyday's avatar

“You’re telling me things but your girlfriend lied-
Can’t catch me ‘cause the rabbit done died…Yes it did.”
Sweet Emotion, Aerosmith.

marinelife's avatar

@Dr_Phil Where is the attribution for your little “essay”?

gailcalled's avatar

@Astro: I understood what you meant and did not think “spam,” having had too poor bunnies die for my tests, but I thought it was an unkind answer to a serious question. People no longer marry for that reason.

Marina; see me (Second answer).

marinelife's avatar

@gc I did see you (leading the way as always) :) and that was why when he/she did it again, I mentioned it again. Dr_Phil does not seem like he/she is a quick learner.

cookieman's avatar

After nine years of dating, getting through college together and a whole host of ups and down…it was the natural next step. It sounds goofy, but when the time is right, you just know it. When there’s no-one else you’d rather spend your time with.

AstroChuck's avatar

@gail. Beg to differ. I married my first wife on those grounds exactly. Albeit, that was in 1980.

gailcalled's avatar

Astro; was she “the one”? Are you still together? If the times and mores had been different, would you both have chosen a different course? Elchoop seems to be asking less about duty and more about “getting it right.”

hearkat's avatar

@Gailcalled: My ex and I dated for 4 years and planned on getting married… but my luck as the 0.01% for whom birth control pills fail forced our hand in 1990.

AstroChuck's avatar

Yeah. We were both young and dumb, especially me. I felt it was right to marry, the circumstances being what they were. We did have two beautiful daughters together, though.
I went into my second marriage with much more maturity. This time I got smart and married someone a year and a half older who is from a family with a little $!

thebeadholder's avatar

The ultimatum had come and then the rabbit died…it’s all good :-)

AstroChuck's avatar

Dr. Phil, forgive me if this seems rude, but you wrote a book on weight loss and I’ve noticed you are carrying a few extra pounds around. What gives?
Also, I hope you send Oprah one hell of a gift each Christmas.

Dr_Phil's avatar

Dear AstroChuck, Yes, I have put on a couple of pounds in the past month due to some personal matters. I appreciate your attentiveness about my health. I am going through some emotional times but I am back on track! My motivation has bounced back ever since I stumbled upon this great web site. Again, thank you for your concern and time. Please next time send me a message in private. -Dr. Phil

richardhenry's avatar

[Fluther Moderator:] @Dr_Phil: Please note that we can’t allow plagiarism on Fluther. Stealing content without attribution is illegal. I have already sent you a private message, which you ignored. You may copy a segment of an article from elsewhere, provided you provide a link to the original source.

Attribution for your advice on getting married: (copied, word for word)
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2000/tows_past_20000613_d.jhtml

Attribution for your essay on the rabbit test: (copied, word for word)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_test

scamp's avatar

Thank you richardhenry! You rock!

chutterhanban's avatar

I hope it’s okay with you guys, but I’m actually going to answer the question! :)

I knew I was ready to marry my Theresa when I stopped asking whether I was ready. From that point on, anytime someone asked me “How did you know?,” I could respond with, “Because I don’t worry about being wrong.”

I know it sounds really corny, but I would venture to say that anyone who is married or ready to marry knows what I’m talking about. Perhaps that’s why this worked for me… before I understood this “test,” I wasn’t ready!!!

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