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talljasperman's avatar

If your S/O dies will you be able to move on?

Asked by talljasperman (21858points) February 22nd, 2015

Or would you be a complete mess?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

fluthernutter's avatar

Both.
But, you know, in reverse order.

I think before kids, I would just be a complete mess. After kids, I don’t think I’d have the “luxury” of being a complete mess.

When little humans are dependent on you, you just got to get your shit together.

talljasperman's avatar

@fluthetnutter no one depends on me so I’m fine with being a wreck.

jaytkay's avatar

I have a friend who was married to the best woman on Earth. She made it her job to save forgotten people from death. Literally. She saved lives. And she died of cancer in her mid 50s.

He’s doing OK, I think. I saw him Friday. They had a lot of time to prepare. But I can’t imagine.

@talljasperman I don’t depend on you but I appreciate your questions and answers here on Fluther. Thanks!

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Total wreck, I would want to follow.

rojo's avatar

A total, complete and useless Wreck. I can’t even imagine…. Then I would pick myself up and continue.

I have always felt that I would die first (and hope so, probably because I am being selfish) but then again, I always thought my mom would go first and that didn’t happen.

Life can be, hell, is unpredictable.

Aethelwine's avatar

I don’t even want to think about this. I’d be lost without my best friend.

johnpowell's avatar

I am so used to death. Dad is dead, grandparents are dead, 5 close friends dead (thanks heroin). And that is all before I was 20.

If my mom or sister were to die tomorrow I would be sad but I know people die and you can’t undo the past so I would simply move on.

janbb's avatar

Well, my Ex walked out on me which was like a death. I was very dependent on him; I was a wreck but I survived and now am thriving. What are the options?

majorrich's avatar

I think if my wife died before I do, I would be able to soldier on. But I would never re-marry. I would be a ship without a rudder for a long time though.

hearkat's avatar

I’ll be broken-hearted, but I know full well that one of us will die eventually. I’m just hoping it’s me first. Still, I know that if he does die before me, my life will carry on and eventually I’ll be able to redefine myself and make new plans for my own future. Like @janbb, I’ve been through the loss of major relationships – which is much like a death – and I recovered and forged ahead.

cookieman's avatar

I don’t want anything to do,
with what comes after you.
Bonnie Rait
I don’t want anything to change

ucme's avatar

Not going there, deal with it if & when.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’d be a mess, of course. If I wasnt, then that would be concerning. But being 25, it would be a bit dramatic to say I’d never be able to go on with my life. It would take quite awhile for me to be open to dating other men, though.

filmfann's avatar

I think to myself how I will do fine, then she goes to Oregon for a week to visit a friend and I fall apart.

anniereborn's avatar

I would fall apart, luckily I know I would have family and friends who would help me through it. I would carry on somehow, but I have no clue how that would be. The older you get, the harder it is, I think.

linguaphile's avatar

My S/O is 13 years older than me—we have already had a few conversations about his mortality since his death will most likely come sooner than mine. I’ll probably seem very together and collected when/if he goes because we’ve prepared for it… but I know I’ll be a complete mess after getting through all the “business” end of things. It will be the quiet moments after everyone leaves that get me.

Strauss's avatar

If she goes first, I will probably go through the “wreck” stage, but I know I have a strong support system in my family and the kids.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I cannot even imagine how I would feel if that happens. We’re incredibly close and do most things together. Beyond making sure either would be financially okay when the other dies, I don’t want to think about it.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

If my parents are gone or very old and I am sure they will be taken care of, I will make sure I follow soon after, I will take personal care of it. This world is already too much for me, I cannot imagine not ‘having my people with me. I’m outta here first chance I get!

JLeslie's avatar

I would be inconsolable and a total wreck for a long while. I’d guess I would need help for months. Help getting things done, maybe therapy, maybe drugs, maybe not being able to function well for a few months. I’m not sure how bad it would be, but I think pretty bad. After the initial horror of it all I think it would take me a few years to really feel myself in my new and different life. That’s my guess anyway. Hard to know for sure.

Nancy Reagan said it doesn’t get better with each passing year. I know other people who move forward into an even better time in their life.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I would be a wreck for quite a while, hopefully I wouldn’t need to much help from my old pal VODKA, but in time I would have to move on, because I know it’s what she would have wanted.

JLeslie's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 I don’t know about your wife, but I tell my husband if I die I’m going to haunt him. Lol. If he thinks I’m slamming a door or causing footsteps when he is in bed with another woman—he’s right. ~

josie's avatar

It would take a while but I would get over it. What other choice is there?

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