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stuff12's avatar

Friend help...

Asked by stuff12 (242points) July 16th, 2008 from iPhone

I’m really tired of my friend , kind of in a way controlling me, I mean he’s not always like that, just occasionally. For example sometimes well get along real fine and everythings alrght but most of the time when I don’t wanna do something he wants to do he gets all defensive and angry by saying “well why not?” like it’s my fault I can’t always think the same way he does, it’s like he puts this whole guilt trip on me… Im finding it really hard to stand up for myself.. What do I do?... I feel I’m like the submissive woman in the movie “the secretary” (if that helps sum up what I’m feeling.)

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5 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

You teach people how to treat you. In the past you probably gave him the idea that he can treat you as such. The best way to approach the resetting of boundaries is to talk to him reasonably, with little emotion, and with a direct statement of how you feel. Maybe something like: I know that sometimes I am willing to go along with your ideas and suggestions, but not all the time. I do not appreciate you getting defensive and angry when I say no to you. Sometimes I just do not want to do, or agree with, what you want/say. If this continues, I will not continue to be your friend. (Just a template, you get the drift.)

Of course you have to mean it, and be willing to accept the consequences of your action. If you are at your wits end, and he does not react favorably to your boundaries, then maybe he is not the right friend for you.

stuff12's avatar

thankyou , ur right, I just got to find the courage to take the next step

tinyfaery's avatar

I always find my courage by really asking myself how much I am willing to tolerate, and just exactly where I draw the line. Think of it as self-preservation. What must you do to protect yourself?

stuff12's avatar

I need to draw a line, my whole life I’ve never really told people what I really think, I’ve always tried to appeal to what they want to hear
I guess it’s better to regret things you did do than things you didn’t do

SilentlyLogical's avatar

Growing a spine us easy… Using that spine will be the hard part

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