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Triozoo's avatar

Fed up with a close friend, what do I do?

Asked by Triozoo (396points) July 23rd, 2008

The situation is rather complicated? Birthday gifts or speical occasions I’d often treat the people close to me, such as family & friends, with a token of my appreciation with a present. I’d usually put thought and meaning into each one of them. My considered Best friend which I’ve known for 4–5 years always received something from me and every year she would have given me a single card; years after my birth date had past. The same message was always writen on it, saying that it would make up for the two years…

It’s not that I’m selfish. I do understand the meaning of giving with my own kindness without expecting anything in return, but Im just fed up? Last year my gift to her was an hand drawn picture worth 7 hours of my time which I had also framed. Hers was a belated card.

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17 Answers

jballou's avatar

What did she say when you talked to her about it?

flyawayxxballoon's avatar

You should, of course, tell her how you feel. She may not have even made the connection in her mind that you put hours of your time into her presents, but all she sends is the occasional belated card? Perhaps she has forgotten that she should be making this up to you?

You could always casually mention something like,
“So, I got your card. What do you have planned for us?”

You should definitely make sure that she knows how she’s making you feel.

wildflower's avatar

Wasn’t this question asked yesterday? Or have my psychic powers finally kicked in…..

flyawayxxballoon's avatar

@ wildflower; Haha, kinda sorta…that was me, though it’s a different situation than this.

Allie's avatar

I think this sounds like one of those things where you either talk about it or let it go, but once you make up your mind and go through with it, never bring it up again. If you talk about it and work something out then great, if you let it go then do just that and try not to let it get to you. If you truly aren’t selfish then the latter shouldn’t be a problem. If he’s/she’s a great friend the other 364 days of the year, does one gift (or not gift in this case) really mean that much?

syz's avatar

…Sounds like you have an issue with gifts and friends…..

wildflower's avatar

Well, both are a case of:
Thoughtful gift repaid with belated card = feelings hurt.
And for this situation (as well as the other), my take on it is: give gifts because you want to, not because you want it back (in the shape if an equally valued gift)

Scrumpulator's avatar

THROW YOUR CELL PHONE IN THE RIVER its a good way to clean up the life contacts. the ones that are important will get ahold of you somehow

girlofscience's avatar

@wildflower: I could have sworn I saw a question earlier today (though I’m not sure when it was posted) that presented this exact situation, but more of it was contained within the question. It read, “Fed up with giving expensive meaningful presents only to get a single card in return?” or something… Now I’m going crazy looking for it. What is going on?

TheHaight's avatar

I say you tell that person truely how you feel. I’m also going through a rough patch with one of my best friends.. But probably a worse situation then yours. And I need to also follow my advice too,... Communication is very important in any friendship. Good luck,

flyawayxxballoon's avatar

@wildflower; Well my situation had nothing to do with gifts or feelings hurt or anything. It was just growing apart.

Triozoo's avatar

thank you for the advice everyone I really appreciate it. Communication in a friendship is Key indeed, I’ll be sure to let her know whats bothering my mind.

And Yes “Fed up with giving expensive meaningful presents only to get a single card in return?” was a Post my friend had posted while I was refecting on my thoughts to her. (not the same one I’ve been talking about in the post above) This was before she got me into Fluther :)

ninjaxmarc's avatar

communicate with her if you can’t, you truly aren’t friends.

Miss_Lys's avatar

@ flywayxxballoon: thats funny you answered your own question from earlier because i also commented on it no offense but like “the haight” said you should both take your own advice. when i say that i mean when you said “TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL” but i gues saying things is harder than doing

beowolf8379's avatar

need to forget getting fed up and upolugize

Triozoo's avatar

hm, appologiez or unappologiez; what did you say in your last comment?
Thanks again for the people who replied to this post.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

You need to ask yourself why you are giving her a birthday gift in the first place? Does the act of giving make you happy to do it, do you think it’s expected of you, or are you insecure with the friendship and need confirmation that you are valued?

If you really, really like making a fuss over birthdays, then that’s your reward—the happiness from doing. If you have a lot attached to birthday fuss, then you might want to come to terms with the idea that this person has a difference of opinion about how birthdays are celebrated, or that this person just isn’t into making you happy by going the extra little bit.

Me, I find cards to be impersonal, and not necessary. I could care less about getting the “Hallmark Moment.” I would rather have someone call me and wish me a good day, or stop by and say something friendly.

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