Social Question

Unofficial_Member's avatar

Will you invite a relative that has been abandoned due to being LGBT to stay in your house?

Asked by Unofficial_Member (5107points) October 26th, 2016

Seeing the number of child abandonment due to being a member of LGBTstill exist in the society makes me wonder how the collective here would think/act in the given situation.

Suppose one of your relative’s family has found out that their kid has different sexual orientation and after some heated argument decided to kick the kid out of the house, not wanting anything to do with the kid anymore. You happened to know this from word-of-mouth and you were not near the place where the incident took place.

The next day, while you’re driving/walking around the block you happened to saw this kid. He/she just sitting on a bench near a bus stop with a suitcase next to him/her, seems to be lost in thought and waiting for the bus that he/she never actually get in to. What will you do in this situation? Will you invite this kid to live in your house? (Will it depends on how close your relationship is with the kid?) Or will you be hoping and feel secure on the idea that the kid will eventually get in to the bus that will take him/her to other relatives that will take care of him/her better than you could? In case you choose to let it pass and the kid happened to arrive outside your house and waiting, what will you do?

Suppose you also called the parents to solve this issue peacefully but you found that they have dead set on not accepting their kid anymore. “If you want this kid, go ahead and take him/her. He/she is your problem now” was what you got from the parents.
You know this kid is 16 or 17 years old, not a minor anymore in the State where he/she live, and can be legally abandoned by their parents so no legal action can be made against the parents. Also, by helping the kid you know you’re also risking straining your relationship with the parents (whose previously might be on good terms with you) for plainly going against their belief.
Will you still take in the kid? Will you eventually think this kid is going to be your liability? Where will he/she sleep in your house if all rooms have been occupied?

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44 Answers

Seek's avatar

Without question.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Yes, we made sure our new place has an extra room for family or friends that have been displaced for any number of reasons.

Coloma's avatar

It would depend. The LGBT thing would be a non-issue, but, if the kid had other emotional or mental health issues, problem behavior, etc. Probably not. Without an in depth conversation with the parents to determine the big picture scenario I wouldn’t automatically assume they were rejecting their child over gender identity only.

There would also have to be a clear understanding of expectations, finishing education, finding work to help out during their stay etc. Lots to take into consideration gender identity aside.

tinyfaery's avatar

My family accepted me. It would hypocritical to reject any other LGBT family member.

ucme's avatar

Of course, our staff would greet them with open arms & if they make an appointment, I shall do likewise

zenvelo's avatar

Yes, I would take the kid in. Caring for the kid is orders of magnitude more important than the “feelings” of the parents who have relinquished any rights to the child.

The child’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. It is a matter of human compassion.

cazzie's avatar

Absolutely. I recently had a relative come out going through trans and has asked to be addressed as his chosen male name now. Thankfully, his family is super alright and I just sent off a message to say, hey, you have a big family and me and mine here in this house are here for you. He was a recent contestant on Idol Sweden, so his coming out was very public, so I felt I really needed to send a message of support in case there were some that were mean.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

If I had the space and was not under any landlord restrictions, I would take the person in, but I will let them now there are certain rules and conditions that MUST be met, and if they do not want to abide by them, I would try to find a place for them, but if they are not happy with the new living conditions, maybe freedom of the cold streets might seem to them a fair trade; their choice to make.

cazzie's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central out of curiosity, what would those rules and conditions be?

Seek's avatar

Probably the same rules their parents wanted to impose on them.

cazzie's avatar

No, seriously, I’m interested in what @Hypocrisy_Central ‘s rules would be.

marinelife's avatar

Absolutely. And welcome them with open arms and hearts.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Yes. Why wouldn’t I?

DarknessWithin's avatar

If I had my own place which I’d ensure had extra space for guests, then hell yeah, they’d be more than welcomed.

Unfortunately, however, the reality is that because I’ve been unable to find steady employment I live in a full house, with my parents as well as an uncle who is no longer able to be employed and we are having to use the garage and even backyard as storage space.
My mother and I alone (which was the initial intention before she got with my stepfather) would have been a squeeze before my grandfather was moved to a professional care home.
We’d certainly still do what we could to help this hypothetical relative though.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@cazzie No, seriously, I’m interested in what @Hypocrisy_Central ‘s rules would be.
First thing is first, being compassionate is one thing, but being compassionate in a free for all is another thing. I would suspect some of the rules would overlap, maybe not for the same reason, other’s would not. The rules off hand would be:
• No smoking in the house.
• If you smoke outside, you smoke in a manner the smoke doesn’t bother anyone else and you leave no butts unless you are vaping.
• You can drink but the moment you get drunk or show up drunk, drinking goes by way of the T-Rex.
• Noise level goes down at 9:30 pm I don’t care what time you go to sleep.
• If you can afford your booze, weed, or cigarettes, you can contribute financially to your maintenance; if a man doesn’t work, he doesn’t eat. No malingerers.
• You speak respectful to everyone as they will speak to you.
• He or she can be gay all day, all the way to the grave, but any ”lover” they invite over neither will expose my home to it, they can hold hands once off the front yard, certainly no erogenous fondling or caressing; they can go to their partner’s place or get a room.
• No openly ”flagging” any LGBT apparel, pens, posters, etc.; out there wear what you please.
• No one will call him or her out their name but the better get used to hearing their activity referred to in ways they will believe unflattering, they can be loved but their behavior hated; they best get used to that concept.
• They will make that shower contribution at least twice a week, they have to understand they share the same air as others and they might be OK with them, but maybe others do not want to smell them.
• Absolutely, positively, NO STEALING, you get one chance to screw that up, the second time, ”bounce”.
• No drug use, as that facilitates the above condition of theft.
• Watch your language, I don’t expect one to speak as Mother Teresa, but if every 5th word out your filthy pie hole is some swear word, you can do that to the bushes in the park or to the back of the dumpster.
Absolutely no getting physical with anyone, you want to fight, ”bounce”.
• If they are at meal time they do not have to pray as the meal is blessed but they will respect it even if they have to sit there like a stone statue.
Anything that has to be augmented on the fly.

As the God I serve, compassion will be done decently and in order.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The problem with generalizations such as this is that there are invariably more issues than described in the question. Of course you take the kid in if possible, but there is absolutely no way to pull it off without the frank recognition that you are assuming responsibility for the kid as well as all of the baggage accompanying the dynamics of his situation. The odds are better than good that regardless of the particulars, your own routine existence MUST shift substantially.

Buttonstc's avatar

Whether hes gay or trans would not be a problem for me and if my decision to take him in caused a rift with the parents, then i would say good riddance to homophobes.

However, if there were an ongoing problem with substance abuse, there would have to be a willingness to go through rehab and an ongoing commitment to sober living.

Anything less would be a disservice to this childs future. Allowing substance abuse to conti ue unaddressed would be the surest way to sabotage any chance he would have at a productive and joyful life.

cazzie's avatar

‘No one will call him or her out their name but the better get used to hearing their activity referred to in ways they will believe unflattering, they can be loved but their behavior hated; they best get used to that concept.*
‘He or she can be gay all day, all the way to the grave, but any ”lover” they invite over neither will expose my home to it, they can hold hands once off the front yard, certainly no erogenous fondling or caressing; they can go to their partner’s place or get a room.’
‘No openly ”flagging” any LGBT apparel, pens, posters, etc.; out there wear what you please.’

Double Standards girl is getting her boots.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

For sure. Send them over.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Depends on the relative. When I was a kid my parents let my cousin, who is gay, live with us for awhile. I however, would not allow this relative to stay with me now. But it’s his personality, not his sexuality, that I take issue with. He is, like his mother (my dad’s sister), a bitchy drama queen who has to make every situation and every conversation about himself. A conversation with him might go something like this -

Person – “I just got back from the doctor. I have terminal brain cancer and they’ve given me two months to live.”

Cousin – “Oh honey…I had the most awful indigestion the other night.”

Person – “Ok, but I think my cancer is a little more serious that your indigestion.”

Cousin – “Oh well excuse me! I guess I’ll just leave now. I don’t want to be a bother!”

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@cazzie Double Standards girl is getting her boots.
Male or female, the same rules apply.

Seek's avatar

The double standard in this case would be expecting them to sit silently through your open prayer while necessitating they not only suppress their identity, but hide any reference to it.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ There are laws here in this nation which people have to follow, even if they did differently in their own nation and do not agree with the laws of this nation. If they do not like the laws of this nation, and do not care for them, then they can choose another nation in which to live.

Darth_Algar's avatar

The problem with that analogy is that the law in this nation presumes that all have the same rights regardless of religion, creed, orientation, etc. So if you wish to equate the rules of your house to the laws of this nation then the hypothetical gay kid should be able to express himself just as freely as you can.

ucme's avatar

::Gratuitous & entirely unnecessary musical interlude::

All I know is that to me
You look like your lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out here I come…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Darth_Algar The problem with that analogy is that the law in this nation presumes that all have the same rights regardless of religion, creed, orientation, etc.
The principal still applies, if someone comes here from a nation where their religion sanctions honor killings or the slaying of infidels, their religious freedoms take a backseat to US laws, same as exposing one’s face for ID photos, regardless of what one’s religion says. Even if a group of people decided to live on some commune and adopt the old Greek pederasty system as part of their religion, they can’t. the same might apply (I am sure it would) if they had a religion involving sacrificing of dogs or cats. They cannot skirt weapons law because they are a sheikh or one of those religions where the males carry daggers in their belts if they are to attend a public school or college. Just because one has freedom of religion doesn’t mean they can practice any and every aspect of it here in the US. If one doesn’t want to augment their faith to fold into US law as much as possible without violating their faith, they had best choose another nation.

Aster's avatar

If I were a lot younger and the kid had a history of being well behaved and a good student then of course he or she could come here! Is this a gay kid we’re speaking about? I love gay people.
We put in literally years helping to raise one of my grandsons, I loved it, he wanted back with his mom and although he’s super sweet he has massive problems. Not my fault! This particular daughter (not my other sweetheart daughter) is a living nightmare. We wouldn’t have him here now. We had him a year ago for a month or six weeks and I’m still in shock.

jca's avatar

His sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.

The size of my house would have something to do with it, because I have not a lot of room and it might strain things (relationships of the people in the house for example when we’re all trying to get ready at the same time every morning).

It would have a lot to do with his behavioral issues, mental health issues, etc. Also,
if he required services, how would he access those services? I live in area where there
are no buses. I don’t have a lot of time to drive people around to appointments.
Issues like that can be potential problems.

If he were disruptive, I wouldn’t have it. He’d have to go. The sanity of those in this household in the first place (myself and my daughter) are paramount. I’m the breadwinner and I have to be able to get to bed by a certain time so I can wake up on time. I’m not going to sacrifice myself or my daughter (who is 9) if the guest is going to act up, be belligerent, throw tantrums, steal stuff, whatever. We’re out of the house for about 11 hours per day. If he were going to have access to the house when we’re not home, we have to be able to trust him. We behave and he’d have to behave too. Sorry if he doesn’t like it.

If there’s a chance he might make up with his parents and be able to move back with
them, that would help.

There are a lot of factors to take into consideration so it’s not black or white/yes or no. It’s more gray.

BellaB's avatar

One of my sofas has been known as ‘the guest room’ for several decades now. It’s the place people sleep/live if they need a spot. If I basically like them and they’re not going to do anything I can be arrested for, they are welcome to come and stay for a while.

In the situation given, if I liked the kid (or at least didn’t actively dislike them) , they’d be welcome to come and stay with me/us for a while. We’d give it a short time period to see how things work. It would be clear up front that it was a sort of mutual assessment period. If it didn’t work out, I’d try to help them find another place to stay. If it worked out they could stay longer.

No smoking in the house is a baseline rule for everyone. It’s a complete deal-breaker.

Coloma's avatar

Does anyone really smoke indoors anymore? I have the occasional organic cigarette and it would never even cross my mind to smoke indoors, anywhere.

Sneki95's avatar

^Yes. My father, all the time. And most of his friends and relatives. The only time he goes out is when my nephew is here, because he’s a baby.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Ummm, ok…....

What in Wotan’s holy name does that rambling diatribe about religion and laws have to do with the topic? At first I thought you were attempting to draw some comparison between the law and the rules of one’s household, but with your follow-up response I’m starting to wonder if you’re not just addled.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
SavoirFaire's avatar

My wife and I took in a non-relative who was in a similar situation a few years ago, so I don’t see why we wouldn’t do the same for a relative.

I don’t see what difference it makes that the parents are legally allowed to be horrible people. The state doesn’t dictate morality, and I don’t live my life by what it deems acceptable. Straining my relationship with the kid’s parents is also irrelevant. If they’re going to be bigots, I’m not going to tacitly affirm their bigotry by staying silent.

As for where the kid is going to stay, there’s space in my son’s room. And if that doesn’t work out, we have an air mattress and a living room. It’s not much, but I suspect it’s better than living on the streets.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Darth_Algar What in Wotan’s holy name does that rambling diatribe about religion and laws have to do with the topic?
About the same or less as what your comment had to do with the question. I gave an answer, then someone wanted me to elucidate on what the conditions were, and I gave it. There is not a single person here that will not have some conditions or rules for people to follow if they are staying under their roof. If you cared to look hard enough, you will notice not all the rules pertain to sexual orientation they imagined they are, or trying to steer or browbeat them into following the faith I am, some, if not most are geared to just having order about the local society which is my home. Because others will allow a free for all, or won’t mention the rules they know they would enforce if the situation warranted, it makes it no different than mine because I did mention the rules.

Seek's avatar

Conditions of living with me:

Have basic manners.
Don’t do anything that will get me arrested.
Be home in time for dinner or be prepared to fend for yourself. I make enough for everyone but leftovers tend to become seconds quickly in this house. The “easy to prepare” food is on the white shelf. Don’t burn down my kitchen.

Bonus points if you wash the dishes for me without me having to ask. I really hate washing dishes.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Right, I get that. But what does any of this have to do with that?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ What it has to do with that, is in my home I am the government, the law, or whatever. If my law says everyone is present when we pray for the meal, then that is it. I don’t have to compromise that edict by allowing anyone to do something else that they want, even if it is an expression of them, they have free will to accept my rules to gain something needed or they can be their own man and go where they please where no one will tell them anything.

si3tech's avatar

@Unofficial_Member My son (who was gay) brought his friend home for the holidays one year. His friend was a delightful person and was welcomed by all family.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Right. Your house, your rules. We get that. I merely felt that your comparison to our nation’s laws was a flawed comparison (for the reason I stated). Your further posts were, to be honest, a bit belabored and just muddied, rather than clarified, your point.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
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