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imrainmaker's avatar

Do you feel shy about asking for help?

Asked by imrainmaker (4437points) 6 days ago

If you or someone you know have trouble asking for help? What are the difficulties faced due to this?

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13 Answers

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Embarrassment from not being able to handle it myself.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I’m not shy about it. I’m hesitant. Only after I’ve exhausted all my personal resources will I ask for help—unabashedly. I can do that because I know that if someone who truly needed my help, and I was able to do so, I would help them unhesitatingly.

As an example, for the last three weeks, I’ve been living with a pain in the ass glitch in my computer that knocks me off the net and freezes up the pages at any given moment without warning. I’ve run every piece of anti-malware, I’ve asked Google Chrome the question rephrased a thousand ways, I’ve gone through numerous pages of code to identify what is wrong—unsuccessfully. I know that there are a few people here who could probably very easily walk me through the solution, but In the process, I’ve learn a good amount of knowledge concerning problems like these that I can use later, and I wouldn’t have gained that knowledge if I’d gone to them first thing. And I’m sure they appreciate that as well.

I know when it’s time to ask, and I’m still not there yet

Mimishu1995's avatar

Not shy nor hesitant. It’s just that asking for help isn’t my first thought. My attitude is much in line with EC, I only ask for help when I’m sure I can’t manage something myself. This is something few people notice from me, I don’t ask for help often, so whenever I do, it’s because I really need help.

But then again I’m the type of person who doesn’t reveal much about troubles in life. I want clear solution, not some pity “me too”.

And there is something about me asking for help too: I sometimes ask for help and try to observe people at work so that I can help myself the next time. I just don’t want to be too dependent on other people. I learn fast, and it helps a lot.

@Espiritus_Corvus you have a link? Your link doesn’t work.

Coloma's avatar

^ Haha…I just went through the same thing, well, kinda, my internet connection can be sketchy at times, especially during storms and late afternoon/early evening when a lot of people are sucking up the bandwidth around here. I rarely resort to violent outbursts but I recently slapped my computer, my NEW computer, HARD, even though I know it is innocent and I was just having a mini-meltdown from frustration. haha The last time I had a tantrum was years ago when I threw my alarm clock against the wall and watched it explode with great satisfaction. lol
Hey, we all have our moments right? :-)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes. For the same reason @SQUEEKY2 gave. Plus I come from a very judgemental family.

Coloma's avatar

Oops, I got off on a tangent there in relation to @Espiritus_Corvus post.

To answer the question.
I do not like asking for help, at all. I will, on occasion, depending on what it is but in general I am fiercely independent and especially since being tanked in the recession a few years ago I am sensitive to feeling vulnerable these days. I only asks if I am really in a jam of some sort. I know several do-gooder types and it bothers me when they are always offering unsolicitated “help.”

People like this prevent true communication because anything you say in passing or sharing a frustration or concern makes them jump into their “helper” mode. Gah!
Just STFU and listen, just because I share a frustration does not mean I need or want your help.
If I need help I will ask for it, otherwise, back the fuck off. haha

I strongly distrust most do-gooder types, 9 out of 10 times they are co-dependent and compulsive in their constant need to help which usually is based on this being a primary way for them to maintain and bolster their own self image. Ick!
I enjoy giving but am not a do-gooder type. I find it insulting and infantilizing to force “help” on those that have not asked for it.

zenvelo's avatar

I used to be very reluctant to ask for help. I once complained to friends taht I had moved all by myself, and they shouted back, “you never asked for help!”

But i see it as a sign of maturity that I can ask for help when I need it. It is a sign of self-worth to know that I deserve help when I cannot do something.

Coloma's avatar

@zenvelo I agree, learning to ask and receive help is a sign of maturity and self worth but I have also been manipulated by do-gooders in the past so I am extra wary of the ulterior, or, more accurately, unconscious, interior motives of the overly “helpful” types. Some people build an entire identity around being “helpful”. The tip off is the person that is always talking about how giving they are and how ungrateful others have been. Ugh.

Mariah's avatar

I am an expert at asking for help. I would not have survived to today if I weren’t.

johnpowell's avatar

Luckily I haven’t had to ask for money in the last 15 years with the exception of a dental emergency. But I have asked for help with other things like, “I will be homeless in a few days.. Can I crash in your basement while I sort out a new place?”

But when I am walking around I love asking for help. I was watching my sisters cat a few months ago and I went to Fred Meyer for headphones. I was feeling a bit lonely so as I was walking to her apartment I asked a random dude how to get back to her apartment (I already knew). He offered to walk me there since he knew exactly where it was. On the way there we were walking past a pizza place and I offered to get him a slice and a pint for helping. Had a good conversation for 30 minutes and all was well.

cazzie's avatar

Very. Only when I am super desperate. I’ve had to ask near strangers to help me move furniture. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I asked my sister and her husband to help me load a Uhaul when I was moving 50 miles away. They acted all put out. When I got to my destination I saw one of the branches to one of my bigger plant trees had broken off.
A bit later my sister was joking about how they just threw shit in helter skelter, including my plants. She thought it was funny. I did not.
They make me feel embarrassed and humiliated every chance they get.
The next time I moved, 4 years later, I did it by my self, with help from my kids, who were 20, 13 and 11 year old. My sister has never been to visit in the 21 years I’ve lived here.

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