General Question

RedmannX5's avatar

How do I get back at my cheating girlfriend?

Asked by RedmannX5 (814points) August 10th, 2008

I just found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me for the past couple of months. We have dated for 3 years and my heart is broken. I have written proof of conversations that she has had with the other guy. As you can probably guess, I’m a little bit pissed off! What are some good ideas on how to break it to my girlfriend that I know she’s a cheater? How can I get back at her. This might all sound terrible but anyone who has gone through this knows how I feel. Thanks guys

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45 Answers

RedmannX5's avatar

And I just searched for my question and found a couple similar to it. Sorry for any repeat questions, I didn’t really pay any mind cuz it was in the heat of the moment

SuperMouse's avatar

You don’t. Everyone makes mistakes. If you can find it within yourself, forgive her and try to rebuild from here. If you can’t forgive her, dump her and move on.

Indy318's avatar

Dump her! this is after you sleep with another girl

redsgirl4eva's avatar

I agree with SuperMouse

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Some people say the best revenge is doing well.

Personally, I think that just means that you’ll be the happiest if you move on and forget about it, but doing well is just not revenge. Doing well is just the best thing you can do. If you try to hurt her back, you’ll only feel worse about the whole thing later.

It really sucks that she did that to you, and you deserve so much better!

If it were me, I would dump her, never talk to her again, and go out with my friends and hit on, flirt with, date, (etc) other girls.

Eureka's avatar

Am I right in thinking you have broken up with her? The best way to get back with her is to do….nothing. Sounds weird, and not very satisifying, I know, but she is waiting for you to try to even the score. I can tell you from personal experience that the waiting for something to happen is MUCH worse than the actual act. Wouldn’t it be the best revenge to have her on pins and needles waiting for you to try to get revenge? While she is waiting, you can be out having fun, meeting new people, and finding a new girlfriend.

trudacia's avatar

I agree with la chica and eureka. Wasting anymore time thinking about her will only prolong the pain. As hard as it is to do, try your hardest to move on. Don’t give her any more attention, negative or positive. It doesn’t sound like she’s worth it!

RedmannX5's avatar

Just so everyone knows, she doesn’t know that I know about the cheating. I haven’t talked to her about it yet. I guess my real question is: How do I tell her that I know?

augustlan's avatar

You tell her in your breakup “speech”.

trudacia's avatar

are you positive that she is actually cheating? Is there any chance that it’s a misunderstanding?

augustlan's avatar

Very sorry you’re having to go through this. Believe me, we’re not all like that :)

Eureka's avatar

OH, even better – don’t tell her. Don’t say anything, just “cut her drinks off”, as my son would say. Just stop calling, stop seeing her, and find someone else! That is, of course, you are 100% positive she is cheating.

Lovelocke's avatar

Well, revenge isn’t really in the cards. I was with a girl who once “loved me” for a whole year… and she “loved” another guy, and actually plotted it out, even to the point of having multiple Myspace pages to make it seem like “the other guy” was a stalker.

Revenge isn’t worth it… sex is. Go out and sex your brains out, get a feel for other Vaginas (which by the way is Latin for Scabbard or Sheath… think about your longsword here, or Strawberry Shortblade). Alcohol? I don’t drink, but if I did, I imagine I would drink there.

Also, do yourself a favor: Arm yourself with intimate knowledge of how women work.

Please. Watch it. Everyone watch this.

Lovelocke's avatar

Oh, and as far as “letting her know”. Simply saying “I know that you’ve been cheating on me, and in exchange for not merciliously beating you within an inch of your life with a frozen pot pie, I don’t want to hear another word out of you nor see you ever again in any of my favorite hot spots.”

Hang up the phone. And you’re 100% all beef.

trudacia's avatar

what lovelocke said without the pot pie…and remind her that she f***d up and will never find another guy as good as you. Tell her you feel bad for her because you know how much she’s going to regret her infidelity.

RedmannX5's avatar

and yes, I am 100% positive she is cheating.

Eureka's avatar

Then beat her around the head and shoulders with a frozen pot pie! ( just kidding) Seriously, dump her. You deserve better.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Man So dont listen to these goody goodies on here. Do something terrible. you could put nair in her shampoo, and then put a note inside the bottle that says something like, good luck cheating while you look like Mr. Clean bitch! I dunno, there are lots of great ideas though.

Lovelocke's avatar

@Kyle – That’s 3 to 5 years in prison… the same for doing things like putting pubes in their food. Chances are this guy’s not in high school and can “get away” with crap pranks like that.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I have no idea what law covers intentional balding, but i doubt its a minimum of 3 years. And if she reports it, everyone will know shes a cheating whore. If you are really worried about going to jail, just dont put a note in the shampoo. And when you tell her you know shes cheating on you, make a wise crack about her being bald.

trudacia's avatar

@Kyle I suspect someone has done you wrong? No offense red but we’ve only heard one side of the story. Nair is pretty extreme! Shit happens.. People cheat all the time for a number of different reasons. We don’t know hers.

Oh..and how is the note in the shampoo supposed to work exactly? If she does happen to search inside the bottle for a note, wont it be all soggy and illegible?

Again, no offense red. You sound like a good guy who was truly hurt. That type of revenge will only come back to you in the future. As they say, karma is a bitch!

lovelyy's avatar

I am so sorry! I think you should just tell her, it’s always best to be straight forward. I hate that fact that you two have been together three years and she’s been cheating for months. If it’s hard to talk about it write her a note.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Ha yeah, I just wanted to say something outrageous and then see what you guys thought of the idea lol. I knew I would get some backlash for it. Anyways good call trudacia, I have def been wronged before. And doing something crazy seems like a good idea, but it usually isn’t. But yeah if shes a cheater, she will get what she deserves sooner or later. There is no point in lowering your integrity because she has. I also found that writting notes or letters is the most effective way to express what you have to say since you usually are too flustered and pissed to say it to her in person.
And Trudacia, just laminate the note. lol

eadinad's avatar

Take the moral high ground. Be firm, honest, but not cruel. Say something like,

“Girlfriend, we need to talk. I’ve found conversations between you and Other Guy, and I know that you’ve been cheating on me. This information has really hurt me, and I am so disappointed that you would treat me with such disrespect. I loved you, but I can’t be with someone who breaks promises and is dishonest and unfaithful. Our relationship is over. I would prefer not to hear from you or see you for ‘X amount of time’ because I am angry and hurt and can’t deal with you for a while. I need some time to process all of this. If I am ever ready to communicate with you again, I will contact you. Please leave now. (Or, I am leaving now.)

Good luck, and I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

trudacia's avatar

@kyle, I’m glad to hear you’re sane and that your ex still has hair!

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Yeah, shes lucky I found out after we broke up :P

Nathanael's avatar

Tell Chuck Norris about it, im sure he can help

LKidKyle1985's avatar

dude, thats two posts with 2 chuck norris refferences. Serrriously, not cool man

Nathanael's avatar

i apoligize

ninjaxmarc's avatar

Break up.
Move on.
And do great in life.

It’s a bigger slap in the face than you think.

Time is all you need.

Revenge is not worth the grief.

nightshade's avatar

revenge is not the answer it is what rottens your soul

RedmannX5's avatar

thank you all for your advice.

Now, what if when I went to go break it off with my girlfriend she turns out to be suicidal and says that if I leave her she’ll kill herself? She’s not just bluffing to get me to stay with her either.

augustlan's avatar

1) Do you have any indication that she’d do that? 2) Even if she does, you can’t stay with her just to keep her alive, but you can make sure she has a support system in place. For example, tell her parents, friends, whomever what you’re about to do, and make sure they’re nearby when you do it.

winblowzxp's avatar

Let nature run it’s course. Tell her that you’ve caught her cheating, and that it’s over. After you’ve washed your hands of the relationship what she does isn’t your responsibility/concern. It sounds cold, but she should have thought about that before she did what she did.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Well, That leaves you Two optoins Red, You can either stay with her the rest of your life while she cheats on you and totally uses you. Or you can break up with her and find someone you deserve. Don’t let her pull some kind of guilt trip on you to get you to stay. I know you probably still care about her and wouldn’t want to see her do something like that, but you can’t let her blackmail you into stayin in a relationship like that. And Winblow is right, if she is gonna kill herself if you leave her, then she should have thought about the consequences of cheating on you.
Also, don’t let her trick you into believing she won’t cheat on you again, once a cheater always a cheater. You are young enough you don’t have to put up with crap like that. just find someone you deserve.

Lovelocke's avatar

She won’t kill herself: she already found a new weenie to comfort her… You too should get over her soon too.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I was told by an advocate from a domestic violence shelter that what you described is a form of domestic abuse. I don’t want to immasculate you by talking about domestic violence, but it encompasses a lot more than people think. Saying things like that is just a way of trying to control someone. Give her the number of a counseling hotline such as 1–800-SUICIDE (and there are many others I’m sure other flutherers could provide), and go on your way. Basically, you’ll have done your duty, and her life is not your problem. Besides that, as lovelock so bluntly put it, and as Ms. Travis from the shelter said, people who make threats of that kind rarely follow through with them.

flameboi's avatar

You can meet her at a very nice place, just say, “I know it, all, I just wanted to know how far would you go with this, I’m out of you life” then walk out :)

Knotmyday's avatar

Tell her to meet you at your place, and have two members of your family with you when you say this:
“We’ve been growing apart for some time now. I’ve noticed it, and you’ve noticed it too, I know. I’ve been racking my brains to try to figure out how to make our relationship work, and I’ve come to the conclusion that since you’re cheating on me with so-and-so (throw a copy of the evidence down on the table) it’s time for you to get the fuck out of my house and never come back. All of your shit is in that big box on the porch. Just in case you try to start any psycho crap, I want you to know this entire incident is being filmed. Have a nice life. Make sure the door latches when you leave.”
If you feel she may try to hurt you or damage your property, and she has indicated that she intends to do so, file a harrassment restraining order with the superior court.
It appears that you are suffering a form of domestic abuse, as la chica said.
Do not further the cycle of violence or potential violence by enabling it.
And strike all ideas of “getting back” at her from your silly, silly head. Be a man, and walk like a man.

Starburst's avatar

break up

12:04 am

augustlan's avatar

@Starburst: Jack, is that you?

djStotheP's avatar

found out today my girl has been cheating. And at first I was pretty mad, but then i realised it gives me the green light to go have guilt free sex with whoever I want. Theres a few girls who want to have sex with me and I always backed out because of the guilt (wish I could say the same for my girl but oh well). Iv just organised to meet up with one of them this weekend and I get to fuck her and all the other girls I want GUILT FREE :D so thats some good news. still sucks but after I have gone on my cheating spree I will tell her I know she’s been cheating and the truth about what I have done. After that we may or may not stay together.

jess1964's avatar

Don’t tell her anything just leave. Don’t tell her why, don’t give her closure. Worked for me. Let her find out your single while she still thinks she’s in the relationship. Goodluck

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