Why do women feel "stuck," after putting out for a guy?

I don’t think you should intervene. You have voiced your concerns, but ultimately it is up to her to listen or not.

Some people have the tendency to cling onto bad relationship for fear of abandonment. They think if they try hard enough everything will work out. They just can’t accept that their partner is potentially toxic and there’s nothing they can do to change anything. Women just seem to be prone to it more than men.

In many cases the victim is so desperate no one can talk them out of the relationship. Your friend seems to belong to this category. You have done your best, now let her decide on her own. Some people learn to accept that their relationship is bad the hard way.

I agree with Mimishu. It sounds to me like the money is an excuse to keep the relationship going. Some women stay in bad relationships for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes, as Mimishu stated, it is a fear of abandonment. Sometimes I think it is lack of self-esteem. I have seen this manifest in the attitude that they want a bad guy so they can “fix” him. If they can do that then they have proven they have worth. But in the end, it really falls to the woman in the relationship to figure out if, when, and how to end the relationship. As her friend, you are stuck in the unenviable position of watching her go through what appears to be a lot of pain for no gain. All you can do is be there for her and gently point out that she seems unhappy with this guy. Anything beyond that and you risk alienating her.

How much money is it? Maybe it’s a large enough amount that she wants to try to get it back because she needs it.

She ‘puts out’? Is that still a thing? It was barely a thing even when I was in high school – and I’ve celebrated the 45-year reunion of my graduating class.

But, okay, I get it. She ‘put out’. Before the whole ‘money situation’, if I read you right. I’m not entirely clear on what a ‘money situation’ is, but I know the words’ meanings (if not the phrase that you’ve used), so it’s pretty clear that she loaned him money because of some situation that he was in after she put out. Is that the gist of the thing?

Unfortunately, this IS a thing that happens from time to time. A woman who has been judicious in her monetary affairs gets somehow starry-eyed in her romantic affairs, picks a loser who’s good in bed and bad with money and promises, and tries to reform him or, failing that, to get her money back. And he – knowing that there’s always another sucker out there somewhere – doesn’t worry so much about keeping his promises, fixing his finances, or even keeping the woman happy, because there’s always more cooze, too.

Hey, if the sex is that good, and if she talks herself into going back – ostensibly to retrieve some or all of the money – and settles for sex instead, then maybe it really is “that good” and you should just be quiet and leave her alone.

She has, as the saying goes, made her own bed.

I hope you’re not trying to lecture your friend. Let her do whatever it is she’s doing. It’s her business.

Your friend should heed your advice, but you can’t make someone do something.

Everytime I read this question I begin wondering why it is assumed that women have no interest in sex? Back when I was single, I had the delusion that those women were “putting out” for themselves as well as me.

You should bite your tongue unless she specifically asks you. And even then, tread lightly. It almost never ends well to meddle in people’s relationships. We live and we learn and sometimes people need to take some knocks.

Why is she “putting out” for this guy?

@stanleybmanly I had sex with a few guys when I was single that was about as exciting as vacuuming the floor and a lot less productive. SO boring. When they were done, it was done. The end.

This sounds like a case for Judge Judy. I’m not saying that to be funny. Judge Judy deals with these kinds of situations all the time. Small claims court.

That’s unsettling, but it’s something we hear all the time, and I fully understand. Looking back, I’m now convinced there should be medals awarded by Congress to experienced women willing to take on the the training of novice boys. It confuses me that so many men don’t appreciate the analogy of sharing a sumptuous meal with someone and not notice that your companion is restricted to merely watching you stuff yourself.

Um…experienced women? Novices?

We all begin as novices. Men and women both require some “training”. Unfortunately, men in particular need lessons in resisting that urge to rush the happy ending.

I can’t respond to that right now! Too much rum….