General Question

longgone's avatar

What are some things young couples should talk about?

Asked by longgone (18301points) September 15th, 2017

As in, anything that might cause trouble later on if you happened to skirt around it.

I’m not asking for a comprehensive list, but I’m sure some of you will have the life experience or creativity to give me some ideas.

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17 Answers

RocketGuy's avatar

1) How do you want to handle money – income, savings, 401K

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

How many kids that they want.

RocketGuy's avatar

2) What do you like to talk about?

LDRSHIP's avatar

Do you have STD(s)?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Safe sex, goals, religion/beliefs, family background, hobbies.

janbb's avatar

If you plan to have children, child rearing ideas and religion. Housekeeping – division of chores and how neat to be. What comforts you from your partner and what makes you feel distant. What your morning ritual is.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Money issues
Handling of in-laws on bith sides.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Drug / alcohol use. Smoking.

rebbel's avatar


imrainmaker's avatar

Likes / dislikes both.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I would hope you have had discussions about religious differences, whether you want children, your future aspirations in terms of finances and so on. Those are all major issues you have hopefully already ironed out.

In my experience, you shouldn’t just have discussions as a young couple, you should make tuning into each other a regular part of your lives. I would recommend finding some time every day to talk about how your day went. And really listen to your partner when you do this. For us, we share coffee/tea every morning and talk about what we have on for the day. You might find sharing a glass of wine or a coffee at the end of the day works for you. Nonetheless, set aside a time every day to just talk to each other. It’s so easy to let this slide, but I find that 30 minutes in the morning one of the best parts of my day.

I don’t really buy into this ‘never go to sleep on an argument’ stuff. In an ideal world, you will uphold that, but there will be times when your husband/or you annoy the other and you end up lying in bed fuming at the ceiling while he’s snoring next to you. That’s how it works in our house anyway. I can’t sleep when I’m angry, he has no problems! What we do do is talk about the disagreement once we’ve calmed down. We don’t just discuss the problem or issue, we discuss how we handled it. So if I was brutal (and I can be), he’ll let me know. If he was condescending (and he can be), I’ll let him know. Not in an accusatory way, but in an illuminating way. And be ready to accept your faults and to try to learn and change them. Don’t treat your partner’s feelings as not mattering. They do. Be respectful of each other. Treat each other with care and love. Cherish your relationship. Even when you’ve been together for 20 or more years.

If should say if you follow this advice, you will always have discussed things that come up – small and large issues. And you will be checking in with each other’s feelings and, I hope, laughing together and not losing touch with each other. Complacency is the killer of relationships.

JLeslie's avatar


Do you want children?

Opinions on child rearing, discipline, paying for their education.

What if a pregnancy goes wrong—consider terminating the pregnancy?

Career goals. Will you want to move for a job?

Some things you figure out while dating, and others you need to make a point to ask. Like, I agree about the alcohol and drug use said above, but I think usually while dating you observe if the person uses. I know for me, if I went on three dates with someone and all three times they had an alcoholic drink, it would be a red flag for me. That’s me, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it. I’d want to know if the drink every night, or every time they go out, or what? This is way before even getting to the point of tough questions because you are considering a life time together.

LuckyGuy's avatar

In addition to the good ones listed above I thought of a couple more….

What do you read? Or do you read?
What are your thoughts on gun control?

And most important!...
Does the TP go over or under the roll?

JLeslie's avatar

^^Lol. The TP question is really important.

A friend of mine, who is a very serious journalist, has decided she won’t date men who don’t read fiction for relaxation and enjoyment.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Be honest, if you want a long term relationship.
Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to have or not have children.
And don’t think you will change them.
Talk about goals, and dreams.

JLeslie's avatar

@LuckyGuy Correction: I should have put emphasis on the word is because my comment about TP was meant with humor. I reread it now and see it could have come across as being dismissive.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@JLeslie No worries. We both got the joke. :-)

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