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KNOWITALL's avatar

Is this a kinder, more thoughtful Fluther?

Asked by KNOWITALL (18061points) January 12th, 2018

In my previous time here, it was always argumentative, and borderline antagonistic at times, mostly over politics and religion, but while there are some inaccurate broad generalizations still being posted, it honestly seems like a kinder fluther.

Is it that I’ve left and come back, or do we have more members who realized when you run off people who think differently than you, that perhaps it tends to get more boring?

What did I miss or are my perceptions off?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

140 Answers

thisismyusername's avatar

I’m back after an extended break, and I find everyone to be quite welcoming. They’re open to discussion of critical issues, and don’t write me off because I don’t share their opinion. Everyone has been just great!

KNOWITALL's avatar

Agreed, same here, it’s very different than when I was here previously, then after a very long break of a year or more, I decided to try again, still pretty negative. Now I’m actually enjoying myself here again and I see a few people coming back…interesting.

Aethelwine's avatar

It has been more enjoyable lately.

Blondesjon's avatar

Just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Blondesjon Hey smartypants, good to see you!

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I left for a few weeks and came back. Some people are still pretty nasty here.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@ARE_you_kidding_me Yes, been back a week and had one myself.

filmfann's avatar

Food fight!

Patty_Melt's avatar

Food fight? Should we fling PANCAKES?

imrainmaker's avatar

It’s been peaceful for some time now. Effect of Holiday season I guess..)

MrGrimm888's avatar

It got pretty heated around election year. I think it’s fairly communal. Most of us can disagree with each other, and still get each other’s back if needed…

We had some jellies pass away too. Maybe that ultimately brought us closer, and more appreciative of one another.

But I think I’ve only been here like a year and change…

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Politics here are vicious, leave out those discussions and it’s ok.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@AreYouKidding I think just the opposite. Here you have the opportunity to go to a chat room with any kind of person here that ur interested in conversing with. I havent been exposed to people of such variety in college or travelling. It’s the best thing about the site for me!

marinelife's avatar

@KNOWITALL I laughed when I read your question. Let’s just say that you have come back during the calm that follows a storm. Quite a storm. I, for one, am enjoying it.

flutherother's avatar

The bodies are buried in the back yard.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^And sometimes the basement. So I hear….......................

snowberry's avatar

Anyone who knows anything knows that they are buried under the swimming pool!

marinelife's avatar

C’mon you guys: in the frizzer!

Patty_Melt's avatar

Buried?
They walk the planet, undead.
Zombies

Kardamom's avatar

As long as you don’t bring up any serious issues it’s fine, that to me, makes this site very pedantic. A lot, but not all, of the good people have left this site and that is a true shame.

We used to be able to talk about anything, and everything, and to have thoughtful, sometimes fiery discussions, and to be truthful. Not so much anymore and that makes me sad.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Seems like most people are just enjoying some peace after the storm…probably will pass soon enough.

ucme's avatar

It is of course all down to me with my charming & dare I say…coquettish sense of mischief

Soubresaut's avatar

This question makes me happy to read. I like to think that we’re getting better, as a community, at “disagreeing without being disagreeable.”

LornaLove's avatar

I’ve been around fluther for a decade I am sure? I remember days before you even arrived here @KNOWITALL where it was what I would call ‘toxic’!
Abusive even. I often used to wonder why I tortured myself so!

Mind you I can pretty opinionated and snappish too.

A lot of people have left, some have passed away, which is so sad and some were banned. It has to be honest, left a sick feeling in my stomach and a deep sadness.

I could be wrong but I sense we are a lot more careful about what we say and post, that is good and bad, I think when we get too careful some of the great debates and fun can go. I still love fluther and I still value a lot of opinions etc., but I think some important people are missing.
Then there are others, well they should have left!

KNOWITALL's avatar

I see what you mean @Lorna but maybe we need to be a little more PC. Seems to me it’s still very liberal & I’ve seen anti~christian comments so that hasnt changed. Not sure taht’s something I’m interested in but we’ll see how long I can bear that part of it, the rest I love…closest to a freethinker site I’ve found.

Patty_Melt's avatar

That’s how I feel about the Trump hate.

I am atheist, but I know and love many Christians. I feel badgering someone over their beliefs is wrong. I see no reason to get mean spirited over it.
I find learning the details of different religons interesting.
I would like to see input from Jews, Christians, and others, without bashing being inevitable.

janbb's avatar

@Patty_Melt Being totally respectful, I think there is a difference between bashing someone’s religious beliefs which I agree should be honored as long as they don’t try to impose their beliefs or practices on me. I have no need to convince anyone that their religion is wrong. On the other hand, politics by its very nature impinges on one’s everyday life so it is pretty impossible not to be impassioned if you feel we are going in the wrong direction. Ideally, a discussion on this can be had without resorting to personal attacks but I, for one, will not tamp down my thoughts about the direction the country is heading into.

However, this question does not need to become about politics; I do understand your concern about it being done to death at times.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@janbb But see, that’s where it got tricky before I quit the site. Just because I’m a christian and tried to explain the mix of religion and politics from the pov of a red state, doesn’t mean I deserve to be bashed for my religious beliefs. I’ve voted for Dems and Reps both, but I’m not the typical christian conservative, so I was trying to help.

IMO, the only way to overcome the political divide is to communicate, and people just talk ‘at’ each other, so if you don’t understand the issues, how can you ever hope to fix them? If you truly don’t like the current administration, and want to foment change for the whole country, you have to understand where the red states are coming from, and no one wants to do that.

janbb's avatar

@KNOWITALL I don’t disagree.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@janbb I truly think old DJ was even surprised he won, I’m not sure that was his intention, and now it’s an ever-loving mess. Well if you ever want to chat, holler at me.

flutherother's avatar

@KNOWITALL I don’t think I agree with any of Trump’s policies but I appreciate others do. That isn’t the main issue I have with Trump. It is the man’s boorish manner, his lack of respect for the truth, his bullying and his disrespect for the institutions of the country he is there to serve that for me make him entirely unfit to be president.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@flutherother He explained that perfectly & got even more votes- “I am not a politician.” And of course he’s ridiculous in his tweets etc….no denying that.

flutherother's avatar

I can forgive him for not being a politician but I don’t think he is a decent human being.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@flutherother We can say that about many leaders we’ve had/have though, in all fairness. Seems to me some are just better at hiding it.

tinyfaery's avatar

Very toxic people have left and/or been banned. I honestly think that is the gist of it.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@tinyfaery Define toxic for me in this case, since I wasn’t here? Please?

tinyfaery's avatar

Instigators. People who went out of their way to offend other people, calling people names saying horrible things about other users, spreading lies, etc. You know, toxic.

snowberry's avatar

There is a lot of disagreement about what toxic is. To someone who does care about something very much, a strong opinion from someone else doesn’t matter. But to the person who’s really going through it, a strong opinion feels very very personal.

I joined in 2009. I’ve been on the receiving end of strong opinions about my beliefs here many times, and believe me, it stings badly. But because my ideas about many things run contrary to those “in charge”, I was basically told to suck it up, because those people and their words weren’t toxic at all.

In other words, it’s all subjective, and very, very political.

Aethelwine's avatar

@tinyfaery is correct. She witnessed it all. There’s a difference between strong personal opinions and personally attacking and instigating others.

Like I said above, it’s been enjoyable and drama free lately.

Kardamom's avatar

And it’s been boring, and dull, and uninspired. Some of us are still walking on eggshells, and fearful of speaking the truth, lest we be punished.

These last couple of months have been listless, and pedantic.

Kinder? Hardly. It’s just that now, a small handful of people have managed to brand a group of people as un-desirables, and as toxic. Some of the smartest and most interesting, and thoughtful people have been branded this way, and they’ve been punished.

It doesn’t help that the current Mods of this site play favorites, and have cronies. We found that out the hard way, when it was exposed that one of the Mods was having personal, private conversations with one of the 2 people involved in the recent kerfuffle, about the other person. How do we know that? Because one of those people blabbed about it on Facebook.

Why am I still here? This place used to be a place where all comers were welcome, even if disagreements erupted. It was special, and exciting and dynamic, and I’m not yet ready to give up on the idea that it can be that way again, but some changes need to be made, or else this place is going to sink.

Now, me and a few others are worried that we might be banned simply for voicing our opinions about being pissed off at the modding process, or questioning the modding process, or asking real questions about exactly why some people were banned, or why certain questions get modded off simply for the fact that certain moderators want to “guess” what might happen, such as certain members getting upset, or “guessing” that some questions are about certain specific members, regardless of the fact that many subjects, including subjects we don’t like, or don’t want to hear about, are actually quite universal.

In the meantime, we can talk about mayonnaise or white bread without getting into much trouble, but although I asked those questions, and I like talking about stuff like that, I don’t dare ask any questions that make people really think, or tell the “real” truth about what they think and feel, and that makes me sad, and sick.

Aethelwine's avatar

I talked about something very personal and important and I was personally attacked for it.

I know how it feels to walk on eggshells around here. I left because I wasn’t welcomed like I had been in the past with other life altering dilemmas.

Someone was banned for years of unruly behavior and a handful of people got their panties in a bunch and threw a fit. They are gone. It is peaceful now.

If you aren’t having fun, leave. That’s what I do when I grow tired of the site.

Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
Aethelwine's avatar

I’m really sorry for the triple post but it’s too late to edit. I’d just like to say that Fluther has had bouts of inactivity for the past few years. We are a dying ship. This is nothing new. I thinks it’s quite arrogant to suggest it’s the end of Fluther because a handful of disgruntled users have recently left. We have had new users as well as former users who have taken their place.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Response moderated
janbb's avatar

@KNOWITALL Thus ends the kinder, gentler part of our program.

Aethelwine's avatar

@janbb No! It’s penguin awareness day and national cheese day! We need to celebrate!

janbb's avatar

mmmmphf – good cheese, Grommit!

Blondesjon's avatar

@Kardamom . . . What is it that you have lost control of in your real life that makes you so desperate to control the cyber life of others? This is a place that folks come to with their problems when they need a sympathetic ear. Perhaps if you shared with everyone why you feel such a shrill and desperate need to get the last word in on an Internet forum we could gently guide you toward some sort of peace.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Wow I miss everything.

Kardamom's avatar

@Blondesjon or Aetlthewine or whatever you are going by now. It was YOU that caused the kerfuffle in the first place. You have a child with special needs, we all know that. We all tried to tell you not to talk about your child all over the internet, especially Facebook, but you did so anyway. You did that. We did not do that. You did that. We told you not to do that, because it made you and your child and your family vulnerable. Then, after we told you to move out of your town and change your FB, you did that!!! Now you are blaming me? Really??? What the hell did I do to you?

What you did, was get into a kerfuffle with Coloma, who basically told you the same thing as me and many of the others did, only the 2 of you ended up in PM’s about it.

Then, ONE of the Mods and YOU spoke on Facebook PM about this situation between you and Coloma behind the scenes, on PM. That should be verboten. Then YOU spoke up about it on Facebook, where all of us found out about it.

I hope you understand that the 50 our so people that signed the petition to re-instate Coloma, did so because we know how much she and all the rest of us tried to help you, and tried to get you to understand why it was imperative for you not to discuss your child on Facebook, because we knew that all of those people (not us, not Fluther members) would eat you and your child alive, because you live in an area that does not accept LGBT people. We all knew it, and we all warned you. Not to hurt you, but to save your child!

And you failed to listen to any reasonable advice, especially from me, although I have a close friend who has a transgender child, I live in an area filled with LGBT people, and I spoke extensively with a Fluther member who was transgender, years before your child came out. I wanted to help. You can’t stand me, for reasons we both know, but I won’t get into here, but I tried to help you, because your child’s feelings and future matter. You also disregarded everyone else’s ideas on how to help your child, and now you have accused a bunch of us of having “bullied” you. You have it 100% wrong!

You have it wrong with your kid, and you have it wrong with Coloma and you have it wrong with the 50 plus people who signed the petition, many of who have left this site. You and Longone and the other people on this site and the Mods who have not paid attention need to know the truth about this whole situation.

This site belongs to all of us, the banned and the not banned, the pissed and the not pissed, the complacent and the not complacent, the ones who have taken a sabbatical, the ones who have left and everyone else. The ones who like white bread and mayonnaise and calm, boring “kinder gentler” questions and answers. All of us! Not just the ones who seem to cry wolf.

This site is in crisis. Many people have left. It is because we can’t trust the judgement of the Mods, and we can’t trust that the Mods are not having personal relationships with one of the members. We also can tell the whole truth, because all of us are worried that we will be modded off for telling the truth. Do you know that that makes people scared and not want to be on this site??? Seriously, if you can’t speak your mind and tell the truth on this site, what is the point?

Soubresaut's avatar

I’m sorry you feel that way. I really am.

I was here for most of the “kerfuffle” stuff as a fly on the wall. If I may, I’m not sure your recollection of those events is as neutral as you think it is. What’s more, I think that’s okay. You’re clearly a member who cares deeply about this site and the members on it, and you’re clearly someone who puts a lot of energy into what you say… But I think you might want to consider that some of what you remember as others’ “help” was passive aggression (or other kinds of antagonism), that you didn’t see everything that happened, that people who’ve been banned often try to save face by withholding some of the details, and that—as has been repeated ad naseum—the decision was not about a single incident, or interactions with a single jelly… so continuing to insist that it was is dishonest, even if unintentionally so.

Soubresaut's avatar

I hope no one feels like they’re walking on eggshells here. I’m certainly all for discussions on contentious and difficult and controversial topics. But there are ways to have those discussions without ripping others down, needling them, etc.—which, as I mentioned earlier, is something I hope we’re all getting better at (myself included!).

Also, as a side note, I personally don’t feel that rehashing an argument that’s already been had (at length) on so many other threads is particularly interesting discussion. If we’re worried about becoming boring, dull, or uninspired.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Kardamom Nobody from Fluther, or elsewhere, told me to move. That was a family decision.

Nobody from Fluther told me to make a new Facebook. That was my decision.

No discussion was had on Facebook between me and a mod.

I was bullied by a member. Other people alerted the mods. The mods informed me she was suspended and when she returned to let them know if she bothered me again. They told us to avoid each other. I did. Coloma didn’t.

End of story. Make up your mind. Someone said this wasn’t about me, but a couple of you keep talking about me and blaming me while I’m living my life, not bothering anyone.

You have so many facts wrong @Kardamom. Leave me and my family out of Colomas drama.

I know dozens of people who signed that petition without knowing all the details and they said they would not have had they known the full story.

That was @Blondesjon speaking for himself. He is pissed because YOU were bashing our child on Facebook.

Aethelwine's avatar

Something else you have wrong, @Kardamom. We are not moving because I spoke about my child on Facebook. You don’t even know what I said on Facebook, so when you say I was all over the internet speaking about my child you are incorrect. My child, after a year of struggling with his identity, finally came out on his own. He was tired of pretending to be something he wasn’t. We are moving because our community is not accepting, not because I talked about him on the internet. Was he supposed to continue to pretend to be a girl and hide his true identity? When a transgender person can’t live their authentic life their suicidal rates sky rocket. He is so much happier being who he was meant to be. We are moving to a better place with better access to the help he needs, because there is nothing here for us. Now please, quit going on about me and my child and what you think I did wrong. We did nothing wrong.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Mods Can you please leave the past several responses up and not mod them. I am tired of these falsehoods being spread by @Kardamom. I would like for her response and my rebuttal to go on record so I don’t have to keep defending myself. This is getting ridiculous.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Why not just let it go? Her kid, her life. This isnt the first or last conflict.

Aethelwine's avatar

@KNOWITALL It has been discussed to death since October. The mods were very open to discussing the situation and answering questions here- https://www.fluther.com/204104/would-you-like-some-answers-to-recent-questions-about-the-moderation/

Warning, it’s a long thread, but now you won’t feel left out. ;)

canidmajor's avatar

I think the attitudes here come and go in waves. There was a nasty time, yes, but a user who is offended because because their advice is not taken by a stranger on the internet, no matter how good they say their credentials are, needs to understand that we all have different experiences.
Personally, I like the lighter weight questions because fluther is a pastime for me, and I don’t get upset if someone ignores/doesn’t praise my advice. I might get a bit annoyed, but it’s the people in my real life that I look to for greater insight.

I hope it stays “kinder and gentler” for a little bit, and I think a sabbatical might be a good idea for people who get distressed. I’ve done it myself, I feel better for it every time.

Kardamom's avatar

@Aethelwine. You just go on believing that you aren’t responsible for any of this. I am just going by what you told us that you did, and are now denying. The screen shots are there for all to see.

janbb's avatar

@Kardamom If you want to continue this ridiculous feud, please take it to pms. The rest of us have had enough of it.

And FWIW, I don’t like mayonnaise or white bread.

canidmajor's avatar

I think the sabbatical idea would very much suit a still-disgruntled-by-old-news user.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Kardamom I have nothing to hide, so please share with everyone these screenshots you have. Your memory is awful. This thread explains exactly what I said- https://www.fluther.com/202086/what-would-you-say-to-someone-who-told-you-they-believe/#quip3390090

This needs to stop. I am not responsible for Coloma getting banned. Enough. Everyone is sick of it. Let me live my life, free from your abuse every time I log in to Fluther.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Aethelwine Hard for me to read that tbh, sorry that happened.

MrGrimm888's avatar

There’s only one way to settle this ; pistols at dawn…

@janbb . Yes. These types of circular arguments become quite old. I think if you had a pickle with your sandwich, it might balance out the mayo and whitebread. Especially if you add a great slice of tomato. Jesus. I need to go to Firehouse Subs like now. Italian on white, fully involved, extra pickle spears. Damn that sounds great.
They have excellent chilli too. Captain Sorenson’s hot sauce with a few dashes of ghost pepper sauce. Mmmmmm. Cherry limeade with extra limes.
Oooweee!

Patty_Melt's avatar

Just toss me a hot, greasy cheeseburger, tomato, lettuce, but only if it isn’t shredded.
Peanut butter banana shake.
My tastebuds can’t handle Mr. Grimm’s flavor extremes.

janbb's avatar

@Patty_Melt You had me at cheeseburger!

canidmajor's avatar

Wait…wait…are we having our dead-of-winter barbecue??? I can bring some chicken and some damned fine potato salad, and a pitcher of sangria!

janbb's avatar

@canidmajor How about some soup too? I hear you make good soup.

Aethelwine's avatar

We need cheese. Lots of it.

canidmajor's avatar

And I just pulled some pizza bread (smells like pizza, isn’t really pizza!) from the oven, with some tortellini soup…

MrGrimm888's avatar

Yes. A fine selection of cheeses would be nice. Maybe a variety of olives too.

Kardamom's avatar

And a cheese fountain.

janbb's avatar

@Kardamom. A cheese fountain sounds lovely. How does it work?

KNOWITALL's avatar

chocolate fountain with fruit!

Kardamom's avatar

@janbb I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one, but I’m thinking something like a chocolate fountain, only with something like a bechamel sauce cascading down.

Aethelwine's avatar

^that sounds like heaven

MrGrimm888's avatar

This whole thing is starting to sound like heaven. What a spread!

MrGrimm888's avatar

I think I am “feeding” off of the positive energy now!... That’s the best!

Patty_Melt's avatar

There are cheese fountains. Nacho cheese is said to have the best flow.
We can grill up some burgers and dogs, and pass em under the flow. A big bowl of chips must be present!

MrGrimm888's avatar

Salsa, and guacamole would be nice too…

Patty_Melt's avatar

Of course!

rojo's avatar

I am only here for the lurve (which is hard to come by these days without new blood).

still not happy about Coloma being banned or Cruiser for that matter and he and I had VERY different viewpoints but that didn’t make him a bad person

Patty_Melt's avatar

Cruiser was banned?
I thought he just got mad and left.
I miss him too.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Yeah. I thought he bailed. There didn’t seem to be that build up of posts where a jelly clearly got moded a bunch. It’s hard to keep track of who goes, when stuff gets moded. I wish I could read the moded stuff. I’m always the guy that logs back in and just sees multiple moded posts, and I’m left in the dark….

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

That was a little controversial IMO but I don’t have all the back details on it. He was about the furthest to the right we had on the site. I did not always agree but it was less of an echo chamber when he was here.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@ARE_you_kidding_me It gets really boring when everyone feels and thinks similarly.

Mariah's avatar

He was not banned over his viewpoints, he was banned over harassing/threatening PMs sent to another user.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I suspect he was baited into that but it is what it is I suppose.

flutherother's avatar

I always thought Cruiser had left of his own accord and I hoped he would come back someday. I am a bit surprised at this news. I liked Cruiser despite his politics.

canidmajor's avatar

@ARE_you_kidding_me: Are you responding to @Mariah‘s post?

MrGrimm888's avatar

I liked Cruiser too. I admit that I have probably been hard on him. I took his advice sometimes though. I tried to listen to the part of him I liked. He tried to council me, at times. I didn’t agree with him politically, but I respected his wisdom, and some of his opinions.;)

I miss him. I wonder what happened…......Greedy jerk…..;)

canidmajor's avatar

So let me get this straight, @ARE_you_kidding_me, through a medium where instant response is literally not possible (you read the thing on a screen, type out a response, then push the button to send) where there are a number of options (ignore the thing, contact the mods about the thing, delete the thing) you are using a s/he was asking for it” defense of cruiser’s reaction to “being baited”.
Got it.

MrGrimm888's avatar

So. The default reaction is to get mad at the Mods, and other jellies, instead of holding individuals responsible for their own actions?

Aethelwine's avatar

^lurve, lurve, lurve x 1000

KNOWITALL's avatar

@canidmajor There are so many baiters here who think they are hilarious, it’s a real shame.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

There are two sides to every story. I personally don’t just listen to the victors who write history.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^History is written by the winners.

Some write their own tales….

Patty_Melt's avatar

sniff
I’m saving a cheeseburger for Cruiser.
Maybe he will come back with a new identity.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^That seems to be a trend.

canidmajor's avatar

I appreciate that responding to baiting is difficult to avoid, but he was here a loooong time and knew the rules. He’s a grown man who, if he is to be believed, has a successful business and a family. Not lashing out hastily, (even if it seems justified) especially when there are so many obstacles in place (as mentioned above), should be within his abilities.
We all need to be responsible for our own actions.
And, BTW, this was not a two sided story but a three sided one. The site is the third player here. We are told and shown again and again that we can’t say anything we want any time we want. There are lots of places on the internet where we can.

chyna's avatar

^Why not? Trump does. J/k!

Blondesjon's avatar

<—Hilarious baiter.

rebbel's avatar

<< Master Baiter

janbb's avatar

@rebbel What are you, a twelve year old?

rebbel's avatar

@janbb I have always wanted to write that one time in my life, ever since I was twelve year old, but back then I didn’t knew English.

janbb's avatar

^^ I knew it!

KNOWITALL's avatar

I see I spoke too soon….wow, vicious.

janbb's avatar

I don’t see the heated arguments as vicious. Politics is a hot button issue here just as it is right now in the wider world. At least here we try to talk to each other.

I have respect for you and your opinions @KNOWITALL but I won’t be lectured to and labeled by a 16 year old who doesn’t do her homework.

chyna's avatar

We aren’t a “ we agree with everyone on all topics” kind of site. We argue about religion, politics, and other things, but we still respect each other most of the time.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Ladies, seriously? I’ve been back for a month and seen so many instances of name-calling and disrespect it’s sad.

And while I have respect for your opinions as well, I won’t be called a racist or Trump lover or see a fellow christian called a pedophile for giving kids a freakin valentine, at least without calling people out on it.

rojo's avatar

I agree with everything @chyna said.
I agree with everything @KNOWITALL said.

Aethelwine's avatar

@KNOWITALL Who called you racist?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Aethelwine Who is not the point, it happened and is not okay. When I specifically asked if I was being called that, the poster refused to respond and deflected.

@rojo and I just had a nice convo about these situations, and made our own pov’s clear. We were respectful, which is what matters to me.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Respect is a two way street. It is earned. I can’t think of a jelly who doesn’t deserve it.

I am not as long tenured, as some here, so I don’t know how it “used” to be. I would opine, that compared to what I hear on my headset while Internet gaming, this is one of the kindest, respectful sites around.

Kardamom's avatar

@ MrGrimm888. Except that several Fluther members (exceptionally intelligent, and thougtful members have been rendered) have been banned (for speaking the truth). Except for that boring fact. I guess it “seems” more respectful, except for those who have been shamed, and banned from this site for telling the truth.

A kindler, gentler Fluther, is not always as it appears.

Try walking on eggs, and trying not to break a shell, for fear of being banned, for not going along with the status quo.

There is a reason why 50 people signed a petition, and why most of those people have fled this site, and joined another.

Aethelwine's avatar

please, not again with the 50. So many of those people said they would not have signed had they known the real “truth”. Many others haven’t been active in years.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I don’t see it as walking on egg shells. I’m a pretty vulgar person. I dial it back, because there are rules.

I signed the petition. But that was before I knew the whole story. I would probably sign it again. But I felt that it was a bit misrepresented.

Rule enforcement, isn’t perfect. I really don’t think reopening this issue would be productive.

Being allowed on Fluther , isn’t a right. It isn’t a prison either. The rights that would apply here were exercised. A petition was floated, but didn’t get the results hoped for. Those who left had a right to do so. Those who stayed are here by privilege.

The mods (IMO) weren’t iron fisted about it, and I thought they did the best they could in explaining the situation. Knowing that the mods are volunteers, and there is likely no reason that they had to explain themselves, I am happy that they took the time at all.

I can tell you right now, that when I throw someone out of a venue, I usually don’t even have a conversation about why. Unless I arrest them, I don’t have to explain anything. I don’t waste my time arguing with their friends either. They can stay, and follow the guidelines, or go somewhere else. Sometimes I miss something, and it seems unfair. I am sad that some jellies are gone. But it is what it is…

canidmajor's avatar

OMG, not that petition again!
35 names, 8 no names. And that info took me about 4 minutes to calculate
It’s been four (count’em 4) months.
Pleasepleaseplease just move on already.

Kardamom's avatar

@candimajor, I am not breaking any rules by stating my opinion, which differs drastically from yours. If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t read what I have to say.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Kardamom Your opinion is devoid of facts. You need to reminded of this every few weeks apparently. just sayin’

canidmajor's avatar

@kardamon, I am not breaking any rules by stating my opinion, which differs drastically from yours. If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t read what I have to say.

snowberry's avatar

^^ Huh.

Is this a kinder more thoughtful Fluther? Probably not.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Snowberry I was hopeful for a few weeks! Good to hear from you buddy!

Aethelwine's avatar

Continually complaining about the moderation after they explained themselves thoroughly does not help to make Fluther a kinder and gentler site. No one likes complainers. Most of you tear @Smash apart when he visits to make his observations. You tell him to leave if he doesn’t like it.

I’ve bitched about the site numerous times over the years. Instead of sticking around and spreading my misery I take a break. Getting worked up over something I’m not paying for or forced to do isn’t worth the angst. I come back when I feel my contributions will be helpful and not clouded in anger.

@MrGrimm888 is spot on.

Kardamom's avatar

@Aethelwine, continuing to call yourself a victim, and complaining that you have been “persecuted” when you have not is pretty tiring too, and then discussing other Jellies with Mods, in PM’s is pretty shitty too.

Maybe it is you that needs to be reminded that the facts I have presented have come directly from what you and others have said, publicly on this site, and Facebook, some of which has been modded off, but that has been lovingly preserved in screen shots.

So many people have tried to help you, but you have so many grudges against people, some that are still here, and some that have left (in part due to your actions) that you are unwilling to take helpful advice. And for that, I am sorry.

@canidmajor is just angry at people, and then tries to be cute with her mocking, and doesn’t have any useful advice, other than to repeat what was just said and cluck about it.

A lot of us have tried to give helpful, useful advice about a whole plethora of topics, but what has become clear to me, is that if you and some of your cronies (and you know who they are) don’t like certain members of this site, you refuse to take advice from those people, no matter how accurate and useful that advice is, and the claim that you are being abused and ganged up on, when nothing is further from the truth.

Do I like everyone on this site? Of course not, I doubt anyone does, but if I get good, useful advice from you, or anyone else, even those folks who rub me the wrong way, I take that advice, and give lurve. Even if it’s from people I don’t generally care for.

It would be so nice if this site could get back to answering questions, and to giving advice, without being accused of having ill intent in the giving of that advice, or having to hear foolish statments similar to, “I know you are, but what am I? Nya nya nya!”

I think I’ll put this Q to bed and move onto more interesting topics and people.

canidmajor's avatar

Yes. Please do.

Aethelwine's avatar

You are delusional @Kardamom.

chyna's avatar

@kardamon. Stop. Just please stop this. You are the one who brought it up again. No one has to take advice from anyone.

snowberry's avatar

I’d like some advice. What’s the best way to get a mystery stain out of my favorite skirt?

Patty_Melt's avatar

I use Dawn to do my laundry. There are several reasons.
One is because the formula is specifically targeted to proteins. The base of most clothing stains is protein of one sort or another.
Water temp, with a mystery stain is a problem. Hot water for grease or grass, cold for blood or dairy.
I think if you coat the stain well with Dawn, and let it set, then try tepid water to rinse a small portion of the stain, you may have some luck.
Here is more about the miracles of Dawn.
It kills ants.
If well placed, it keeps ants from coming indoors.
It is safe to use for cleaning animals.

snowberry's avatar

@Patty_Melt Ooo! Great! Will it work on cleaning up relationships? Maybe just give Fluther a good scrub, rinse well, and repeat? How much should we buy? Should I start a GoFundMe to purchase enough Dawn for the job?

Patty_Melt's avatar

Remember That 70’s Show?
I think probably Fluther’s only chance is to sit in a circle like them.

snowberry's avatar

When my twins were little they fought all the time. These were knockdown drag out fights, and sometimes I thought maybe somebody would really get injured. So one day I wised up. I told them that I was going to put them in a room together, and they were going to stay in there until they made up. They were going to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in there. They would do their homework in there, play in there, and sleep in there. Whatever they did, they would be doing it together, and they would not come out of that room (except for short potty breaks) until they made peace with each other.

It took a while, but eventually they made up and they figured out how to get along. Now they are best friends and they love being twins.

I wish I could put all the snarky people in the same room and lock them in until they learned to get along like my girls did!

Patty_Melt's avatar

Mmmmmm, yeah. I am visualizing a forensic bonanza.
It would start with name calling and booger flicking, next comes hair pulling.
It would end with investigators studying spatter patterns.

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