General Question

dopeguru's avatar

What is the equivalent to men looking at other girls when they have girlfriends?

Asked by dopeguru (1428points) October 9th, 2018

I know this question seems odd, but I’m really curious… I read somewhere that one of the main reasons why women can get jealous when their man look/stare at other women they find hot is because women generally base their value on their attractiveness. This is different with men. Men usually base theirs on success… So I was thinking, what would be the equivalent to men staring at other women when having girlfriends? What can a WOMAN do, that would make men equally jealous and insecure?

Is it constantly talking about another man’s success, or just observing all these men with huge successes in front of her boyfriend?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

30 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Searching for “monster dildo” on Amazon.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Laughing at him.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

Do exactly what my ex-boyfriend did – stare appreciatively at every attractive man who walks by, with eyes lingering on the crotch and rear end.

Every time he noticed me noticing, he’d look embarrassed and say something as a cover (“Do you like that jacket?” “I was just thinking that I need to buy some new jeans.”)

This was my first clue that I’d been dating a gay man in deep denial. Deeper clues were to follow soon after.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I think @ragingloli is close to being right!!! Instead of just searching for it, BUY IT & keep it on your night stand!!! LoL

The other thing that I’ve noticed that bugged the hell out of most guys was when I had a BETTER job than they did…made them feel VERY insecure!!!

kritiper's avatar

A woman looking at other men when she has a BF, or men/women looking at somebody else’s car when they have a car.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I cannot, for the life if me, understand why “looking” at other women is SO bad…

Love_my_doggie's avatar

^^^ It’s all about degrees of obvious.

MrGrimm888's avatar

So. It’s best to be disingenuous?

Most men watch porn. They’re actually pleasuring themselves to other women. But that’s ok, because it’s done hidden? Lots of women watch porn. Many own devices for self pleasure. I can’t even look at another girl, but she can have intercourse with another object than my penis? I have not heard of men getting jealous/insecure over a girl’s vibrator.

Double standard time for genders again…

dopeguru's avatar

@MrGrimm888 porn is a form of mental cheating, especially if its pov porn and they’re getting off to the sounds and imagining themselves sleeping with that woman. It is emotional cheating… Yes, most people do it. Doesn’t change the fact that it is emotional cheating.
vibrator is not an actual human being, i often imagine its my boyfriend when im using it. even if i wasn’t, its much different than me imagining sleeping with an actual another man while hearing his moans and raising emotional chemicals in my brain while doing it!

dopeguru's avatar

@kritiper sooner or later, a man who looks at other cars will want a new car. or an update… haha

MrGrimm888's avatar

So. You just have to accept that you, and any partner you will ever have, are “cheaters.” And give the guys a break…

LadyMarissa's avatar

I’ve never been so insecure that it bothered me that my guy enjoyed looking at other women. I usually pointed out the best looking women to him so he didn’t have to feel like he was sneaking!!! We also watched our porn together & we never called each other by the wrong name!!!

kritiper's avatar

@dopeguru The same might be said for some women… haha…

LadyMarissa's avatar

IF you have to FORCE them to be with you, they aren’t worth the effort!!!

rojo's avatar

My wife would point out other women to me. It is somewhat uncomfortable to have your S.O. start talking about certain attributes on another woman and then ask for your input/opinion.

Zaku's avatar

I don’t relate to “success” as a measure of my self-worth.

I also don’t imagine women are upset by their man looking at another woman because it is because they base their value on their attractiveness. From what I’ve experienced and been told, it seems to me the upset is about their boyfriend doing something that seems disrespectful and inconsiderate to them, and/or causing them to be concerned that their boyfriend is not attached enough to them to refrain from behaving that way. Someone (who’s perceptiveness I esteem more than whoever wrote the article you referred to) wrote that “women tend to manage for avoiding abandonment”, and having men clumsily gawking at other women in their company may, it seems to me, fall in that category.

It seems a bit contrived and meaningless to attempt to assert a particular equivalent from a generic gender-reversed perspective, but to play along…

I would say it would be for a woman to act in a way that has the man question how interested/committed/attached/respectful she is to him.

That is, I think the core issues in that situation tend to be about respect and commitment from the hurt person’s perspectve, and that that does have other scenarios that can apply to both men and women.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I was at a rave party with my ex once. It was a drug packed, sex themed party for Halloween.
A girl fell from a dancing cage, and hit her head. She was wearing a tight white, short dress. As some people carried her to….. somewhere…. everyone could see that she had no underwear on. I have to admit that I took a look. I felt bad about it. Later that night, my ex started talking about how well shaved she was… Down there… When she was drunk, she seemed quite pleased to have seen an unconscious girl’s vagina.

People look at other people. It is ,what it is.

Women ,in particular, wear things that may expose/accentuate their bodies. It’s not really fair, to ask a man’s eyes to never wonder.

I have always said “it doesn’t matter where you work up your appetite, as long as you eat at home.” In other words, get horny looking at whomever, and come give me the benefits…

dopeguru's avatar

@MrGrimm888 I think there’s a very very thin line between the two. For that brief moment, you put her above your girlfriend. I think with men it becomes a habit and they normalize it because at a young age they’re taught women are to be objectified. Its proven it gives them a chemical positive response in their brain when they see a hot girl. To choose to look means to accept their habit and not see the fault in it. Again, theres a very thin line. if you already have the girl of your dreams, why would you continuously look at hot women? When you look, you produce endorphine. For that moment you are selecting that girl over your gf. If this is a behavior that is continuous, it can very much lead to cheating or developing of extreme emotional cheating at best.

but the example you give is fine. Obviously if theres an abnormal visual in front of you like that its ok to look. im also not saying one should refrain from looking like alex in that movie clockwork orange haha! but it shouldn’t be a normal thing u do. OR at least something u do but also admit to what it means when u do it. do some self analysation. i hate it when men think its nothing at all.

dopeguru's avatar

From a psychiatrist:
Why do men look at other women? Most of us first developed the habit of looking at women when we were teenagers. It happens naturally and then we encourage it because of how good it makes us feel. Each time we see a sexually attractive woman our brain rewards us with a chemical high. It’s a minor high compared to other drugs, but it’s still enjoyable and addicting.
This natural reward system is the beginning reason why men look at other women. With the almost constant barrage of attractive women we’re exposed to in our media crazed world, many of us men have developed a regular “habit” of looking at other women. This habit can become so ingrained that our looking becomes like a natural reflex and one that we can feel we have no control over.
Unfortunately, our media exposure has only made this a more and more difficult battle for men. Advertisements by Carl’s Jr., Victoria Secret, and car and beer makers, all use scantily clad women in sexually provocative poses to sell their products (are we buying the car, the girl, or does the girl come with the car?) contribute to why men look at other women.
When we get married or are in a committed relationship, we need to stop being a man who looks at other women. If we don’t, this “habit” can cause us a lot of problems, just as you’ve described.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I understand the issue. I am not saying that I am thrilled when my girlfriend is attracted to other men. I guess I just take it in context. Personally, I think of sex, like any other human need. I liken it to food. I LOVE crab legs. I sometimes go to all you can eat crab leg dinners. They are usually at seafood restaurants. I can be completely satisfied, and happy, with my endless crab legs. But if a waitress walks by with a nice plate of flounder, I am going to drool. It doesn’t mean that I would trade crab legs, for flounder.

I agree with the car analogy. I’ve had some nice cars, and motorcycles, but I can still enjoy seeing another cool vehicle. I might look under the hood, listen to the sound system etc. But at the end of the day, I’m driving my vehicle.

As far as the girl’s vagina, I think it was more like a spectacle. If a plane crashes in your yard, and you are watching people run around on fire, it doesn’t mean you like it. There were four people carrying her, and the way they were carrying her had her legs open. I saw it. And my girlfriend saw it. We both just looked. My ex was not bisexual (unfortunately) but she looked at, and admired the girl’s vagina.

It’s our instinct, to look at others.

Keep in mind that at one point, there weren’t many people around. Our instincts haven’t caught up to the fact that there are 7 billion of us now.

tinyfaery's avatar

What is this, the 1950’s? These stereotypes are so outdated. I don’t know any women who are offended when their man looks at another woman and I don’t know of any men who base their worth solely on some measure of success.

dopeguru's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Imagine you own a car. Is not brand new, but has no debt, it looks and work fine and suits you to do all the errands and activities you want. But even having this car that fulfills all your needs, you start looking for new cars… because it’s just looking, nothing else…. Believe me, sooner or later you will start hating your car even if it is working perfectly fine and you will trade it for a new one with a fat coupon book. After a few awful payments, you will wonder why you traded the old car with no debt that worked fine…. But the damage it’s done and can’t be undone and the coupon book will last for a while… That is why your eyes should not be wandering… they will fill your head with wrong thoughts that will lead you to wrong conclusions. The best strategy to solve problems is…. TO STOP THEM BEFORE THEY START.

But we don’t just do it instinctively.. Because I think circumstances change us. For example, I stop looking at other men and thinking theyre hot when I’m with someone who fulfills me COMPLETELY. Why is that then? I don’t even tell myself to stop, i just happen to not care. My ability to stare at hot men decreases. I gain higher standards, which then make my subconcsious think “so what if they are good looking, my man is better and they probably wont fulfill me since i am picky anyway. i already have someone i thought was impossible to find”
This is a very natural reaction to me, for me. so when my man doesn’t change and keeps looking at hot girls, i see it as a lack of satisfaction mixed with objectification he is raised with as being a male

MrGrimm888's avatar

You’re over thinking this. Men are just animals. You’re asking for us to think like you. We don’t/can’t.

dopeguru's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Hahaha… Sheesh :D

MrGrimm888's avatar

I get it. I have wanted a “good” girl my whole life. They simply don’t exist. I have to take what’s available, or have nothing. We aren’t perfect. None of us. You just have to find the person who comes closest to your desired mate. I would love to have a different opinion…

Inspired_2write's avatar

Perhaps some men are STILL Shopping for the next conquest?
Its a blatant way of showing you that he is still looking.
Drop him for someone who wants You and only you.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Disagree. That’s ridiculous. Looking, is just looking sometimes. Most times….

ucme's avatar

For us blokes it’s all about our cocks, lots will deny it but there’s no escaping fundamental neanderthal truths, we’re fucking guided by our swinging dicks.
So, any woman joking about the size or gratification of said knob, especially in comparison to other guys, would be guaranteed to push buttons that crack off like a firework.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther