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Roadtodebt's avatar

Should I write a letter to my ex husbands father letting him know my ex stopped paying child support?

Asked by Roadtodebt (529points) 3 months ago from iPhone

Would any rules be broken? Is this harassment? My ex husband has stopped paying child support, I really would prefer not to go through the courts, as a last resort before I just give up entirely I was thinking of sending his dad a letter letting him know his son has stopped paying and If he could please advise him to do so but I don’t want to get in any legal trouble for it

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14 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

Oh wow. I mean it really can’t hurt to make one attempt at civility, and perhaps the grandfather would want to know and even help your child on his son’s behalf. I would be very careful in my approach or even go see him instead, like for lunch or dinner. Your child shares his dna so it’s definately worth a shot.

elbanditoroso's avatar

There is too much we don’t know. Do you and F-I-L get along? Does he see you and the kids? Does he even like you? Has he backed his son in the past? Is he likely to support you or his son?

Too many questions that we do not know the answer to, so our advice will be poor.

In general, if there has been no court ruling that says “you can’t….” then it is OK to do. But you have a copy of the decree, we don’t.

Bottom line. We don’t know enough. And if you do this, it may easily backfire.

Roadtodebt's avatar

his father lived in new york during our marriage so i only met him twice when he visited florida after we divorced i spoke to his dad on the phone a few times.. I wouldnt say it was a great relationship because we were so far apart but he did tell me to let him know if my ex ever stopped paying, though it has been 3 years since ive talked to him.. I just dont know what else to do ): I found out through facebook his dad moved to florida about an hour and half away from me.. so i was going to send a letter to that address.. I dont know if thats weird but I figured it was worth a shot.. I have no communication with my ex husband, hes in new york and I havent talked to him in 2 years.

seawulf575's avatar

Simply…no. Not unless the father is somehow involved financially. Or if the father has specifically asked you to call if your ex stopped payments. Your ex and the child support he owes is really between you and him and the courts.

Roadtodebt's avatar

ok well if i file to have his license suspended they have to send it to the most recent address which is his mothers old house she no longer lives at because she lives with his dad now in their new house.. should i at least give the court house their address to send it to?

chyna's avatar

Before you do, think this through. Since he now lives close to you, he may start wanting to see the grandkids. He has grandparent rights that he may invoke. If that is not an issue for you, and you need the money, I would contact him and at least try to get your ex husbands address. Dead beat dads suck.

Kardamom's avatar

You should speak to a lawyer.

Patty_Melt's avatar

If your ex moved, and you know his new address, you absolutely should report that. When you do, also let them know he is far behind on payments. You should not let it go so long.

Look at it from their point of view. They have thousands of ex husbands to deal with, and only a small group of them are making regular payments. If you don’t find it necessary to draw child support, why should they spend any time on that?
You have to let them know all the information you have, and you have to let them know you need the financial help to take care of those kids, or they will just have lunch, have coffee, and deal with somebody else’s case.
You say grandpa told you to let him know if payments ever stop. Having not kept in touch with him makes that real awkward. You should start having a relationship with the grandparents, unless they are bad for the kids to be around. If they care, then they must want pictures, and invites to special events. If you don’t want to include them in the lives of their grandchildren, fine, but that pretty much keeps you from being in a position to complain or ask for help.

Roadtodebt's avatar

They aren’t bad, his mother has always lived in Florida and never once contacted me to see their grand daughters, the marriage didn’t end well, he cheated on me and I couldn’t accept the divorce because I was 4 months pregnant and 11 months pregnant when our divorce was finalized, I was desperate to make our marriage work and his family hated me for not letting him live his life for almost 2 years until he moved to New York but I talked to his father after that, and his father didn’t really have anything to do with that part because he wasn’t here then, he only just moved here in June of this year to live with my ex’s mother again. I’m not really sure what to do, I don’t want to be in courts, I don’t want to hire a lawyer with money I don’t have, I just want him to pay his child support and I don’t know how how else to go about it .

marinelife's avatar

11 months pregnant? Are you sure that you’re counting right? You have been slowly letting the particulars out a dribble at a time, and it seems like you are withholding a lot of key stuff.

If your ex-f-i-l told you to let him know, then do so. Have you attempted to contact you ex himself first?

Roadtodebt's avatar

Sorry no, 9 months pregnant. Just a mistake geeze. I’ve attempted to contact my ex several times but there’s no commutation anymore, he used to let me know when he was going to be late but he hasn’t for the past 2 months since he stopped paying .

Roadtodebt's avatar

It’s a simple question, I don’t think the particulars matter, you don’t have to be rude over a simple error in numbers. I’m just asking a general question, if I should contact him or not, regardless of whatever happened before, if you don’t want to answer you don’t have to.

Kardamom's avatar

No, you should not bother writing to your ex’s parents. They have not shown any interest in you or the children, and were upset that you “prevented” their deadbeat son from doing what he wanted.

Unfortunately, the best way to get help in this situation is to go through the courts. That’s how it works.

If you don’t know your ex’s current address, but you do know your former inlaws addresses and phone numbers, you will need to give their contact info to the lawyer so they can acquire your ex’s address from them.

I am repeating the info that I gave you on your other question, because this gives you an opportunity in how to get some initial information from a lawyer for free, and you can even ask them about whether you should contact your former inlaws, and then make a plan on how to move forth. They can probably also direct you to a lawyer who could work pro-bono, or on a sliding scale. You need a lawyer.

There is a radio program from Los Angeles called Handel on the Law, hosted by lawyer Bill Handel, on KFI radio. The show is on Saturday mornings 7–10 AM PST.
Bill Handel also has a website where you can search for a lawyer, of the type you need, which would be in the categories of Divorce, and Family, and Children/Child Support.
You and your ex husband do not need to be in California to get the free referrals to lawyers in your area, and as I understand it, the first consult with the lawyer that you choose is free so that you can ask how to proceed.
You can try calling into the show, but you can also email Bill Handel and ask for assistance in how to proceed.
All of the lawyers on his recommendations list are vetted.
Here is the contact page:
Here is more info about the site, and the menu is up in the top left corner:

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