General Question

dxs's avatar

What do you think about this case of a "public" display of affection?

Asked by dxs (14816points) 1 week ago

When my immediate family gets together, my brother and his boyfriend are so very often having affectionate conversations with themselves (“my little baby!” or whatever). This is accompanied by kissing, hugging, caressing, etc.

Now, if I’m on the train, I don’t have much of an opinion if two people are kissing or cuddling or whatever—I’ll just read my book and not think much of it. But my immediate family is a group of five people, and the affectionate communication that goes on between my brother and his boyfriend is exclusive to them. This is why I find it rude. The remaining three of us are left to awkwardly start talking about something else.

I want to confront them about this, but I want to make sure that my opinion is justified. What do you think about this? What should I say to them?

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21 Answers

stanleybmanly's avatar

Such mush is irritating. It doesn’t matter if it’s boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl or boy/girl/cat/dog. Public cuddling is one thing but someone should train a hose or fire extinguisher on sickeningly excessive mushpots.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It gives me the creeps. I don’t care who it is. I’d leave the room as soon as they started.
How long have they dated? Are they trying to make some sort of statement? Are they daring someone to challenge them?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Of course it’s rude and awkward, I don’t know why people think it’s cute.

My BIL and his wife broke up and the girls he brought around were hanging on him when he was with the family, tongue kissing….ewwwww.

if you confront them lovingly, like “hey guys, I know you’re in love and all that, but the PDA is a little much at family events”....depends on how you present it and how they receive it.

gorillapaws's avatar

@KNOWITALL Has it right, the tone/sentiment, etc.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And it also depends on the reason they’re doing it. If they’re making a statement, or challenging someone to say something “because they’re gay,” the is no way to say it without them getting outraged.

gondwanalon's avatar

I have nothing against homosexuals. I’ve never met a bad one. Our next door neighbors are two gay men. They’re good people and work hard. I feel comfortable talking to them. They’re just people.

But just the thought of two guys kissing is revolting to me. If I saw that going on in public I would just keep my mouth shut and try to leave the area before I vomited.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s happening in her house in front of family. It’s revolting even when two straight people all but have sex right in front of everyone. I wonder how on earth anyone could even think it’s OK.

elbanditoroso's avatar

There are so many more things to get worked up about than this. I go with a big “so what”.

Frankly, I’d rather have people be huggy and kissy than arguing.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@elbanditoroso huggy kissy is fine. Watching people do things to get each other sexually aroused in front of an audience is uncomfortable.

The ironic thing is that if you say anything, they’d instantly feel mortified and embarrassed. Why don’t they feel embarrassed in the first place?

janbb's avatar

I think I would say something like, “Hey Guys, Remember us?” Rather than focusing on the lovey-dovey behavior, focus the statement on feeling left out. If you can do it in a lighthearted, humorous way all the better.

@gondwanalon I hate to say it but your statement about being revolted to the point of nausea reeks just a bit of homophobia. Maybe it’s time to desensitise yourself.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I can not figure out HOW anyone could think it’s OK in the first place.

gondwanalon's avatar

@janbb I have absolutely no homophobia. I’ve always gotten along with gay guys. I lived in San Francisco for 12 years in the ‘80’s and 90’s when I was young and still had my good looks. Frequently gay men would show romantic interest in me. I was never rude or short with them. I always kindly explained to them that I wasn’t gay. No problem.

In a way, I was thankful that there were so many gay men in San Francisco because that gave more women open for me. HA! It was true that I could always get a date when I wanted. And I had lots of fun. It was a very happy time for me.

I only had one bad experience with a gay man. I talking to him and he suddenly groped my genitals. I said, “What the hell!”. He said, “Oh, you aren’t into to it?”. I simply said that’s right and walked away. No harm, no foul.

Inspired_2write's avatar

If you feel you need to show off your relationship in public it could signal that you’re insecure about it and overcompensating.

Over-the-top PDAs are all about appearances.

Whether consciously or not, you’re projecting an idealized image of your relationship.

Unfortunately, the more intimate the public display of affection, the more intimacy may be lacking behind closed doors.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Their display shows they feel safe with you. That is not to be taken lightly. I honestly don’t have an answer for your situation other than saying you should proceed with extreme caution with anything you say.

There are precious few places same-sex couples can be affectionate safely.

I like @janbb‘s suggestion of simply interjecting “Remember us?”

dxs's avatar

Thanks for the responses. I should say something to them. I thought it would die down but they’ve been together for three years and its the same as when they met. They’ve both lived pretty repressed lives I’d say. I didn’t think anything of it being an issue of homosexuality, though I’m surprised it’s gone over as well as it has in the family.

janbb's avatar

@dxs Hearing that, I’ve thought of something else to say. You could take your brother aside and say, “I’m so happy that you and X are so in love and comfortable with each other, but it makes the rest of us feel left out when you are only into each other when you’re with us. Could you be mindful of including us in the conversation when you’re with us?”

raum's avatar

PDA can get kind of awkward. If you’re going to say something, I’d keep it light. Something along the lines of what @KNOWITALL or @janbb already suggested.

Though given the added context that they’ve led pretty repressed lives, maybe I’d just try to ignore it and let them have that space to work it out of their systems?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I fail to understand how a man running his hands up under a woman’s shorts, them both groaning, her on his lap, tongue kissing, each other, his hand on her ass when it’s not up on her crotch, her hand slowly creeping into his pants, is in any way acceptable and should be condoned or over looked. What about the people who feel very uncomfortable having to watch this? Do their feelings count for nothing?

@dxs, I wish you luck. If they’re still doing that after 3 years there has to be some sort of other agenda. Let us know how it goes.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Dutchess_III The OP states the affection is kissing, hugging, and caressing. That in no way alludes to what you so pruriently describe. You are imagining things that are not present in the OP or in any other comment by @dxs. Please do not elaborate on a situation you have no knowledge of.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I guess we will leave it to @dxs to explain what specific behaviors bothers her and her family members.

ucme's avatar

The best thing here is to insert a well intentioned, exquisitely timed “get a room guys”
Delivered with a disarming glint of innocent mischief in your eyes & a friendly, cheeky grin playing across your lips.

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