General Question

dayeshere's avatar

Am I wrong or am I right?

Asked by dayeshere (215points) August 24th, 2008 from iPhone

My husband and I are having this HUGE argument. I want to sell my laptop in order to buy the new Acer Netbook. It would basically be an even trade according to the completed auctions on Ebay. My husband tends to be very controlling. Money is really really tight right now. He thinks it is ridiculous foe me to even want to do this in our current financial situation. I don’t see the problem. What so you think?

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21 Answers

2late2be's avatar

if it will be an even trade I guess is cool… If not, you should wait.

babygalll's avatar

You are saying “money is really really tight right now.” Why would you even think about buying a computer at this point if you know you both are tight on money now? Is it really necessary to have a new computer now? Unless your computer is broken I would wait. Prices go down on computers all the time.

dayeshere's avatar

The only reason I am considering it is because it would be an even trade.

Allie's avatar

Is your computer crapping out on you? If yours is working fine now, then why do you need a new one? Or is it that you just want a new one? If you actually need it, then you should talk to him and explain to him that yours is a piece of shit that doesn’t work right anymore. If you just want a new one, then maybe you should rethink it. It’s obviously causing him concern.

cheebdragon's avatar

You want to sell yours and buy a new one on ebay? Or you want to get a new one from the store with the money from selling yours on eBay?

JackAdams's avatar

No matter what I say to you, someone, somewhere, will “attack” me or my answer.

But, I’ll answer anyway.

In the details section of your initial post, you wrote, “I want to sell my laptop.” The key word in that statement, is the word, “MY.”

So, we know that it is YOUR laptop and not your husband’s, so, applying the “laws of equality” here, you don’t NEED his permission or “authorization,” IMHO, to sell something that isn’t his, and which never belonged to him, in the first place.

I would never presume to tell my wife what to do, unless it was an emergency situation where her life was in danger (“Duck! NOW!”). Other than that, my attitude towards her (in a situation such as yours) would be, “Your property, your choice.”

Ideally, a marriage should be a 50–50 partnership, with NO ONE as “the boss,” and a husband should let his wife make up her own mind, with regards to her own things.

The wife should give the same kind of respect to her husband, regarding his things.

This means that if HE bought and paid for the TV in the living room, then he has lifetime custody of the remote, and she should never go near it, without written permission.

August 25, 2008, 5:10 AM EDT

wilhel1812's avatar

You are left.

augustlan's avatar

Even trade, sounds ok to me, BUT…sell yours first, so there will be no money taken out of your joint account(s) to pay for the new one.

robmandu's avatar

The question here is not whether this person is able to make an even trade for something new.

The question is whether this person should act unilaterally to do something which the spouse disagrees on.

When people are married, they become as one. If you’re acting unilaterally in direct disapproval of your spouse, then you’re WRONG.

You’re gonna face trust issues with your spouse if you cannot reconcile this before moving forward.

BTW, I’m not saying the spouse’s stance is necessarily right. If you can make an upgrade with no out-of-pocket then good for you. But just because your spouse might be wrong, does not give you latitude to do something wrong, too.

You’re both supposed to trust each other. Your spouse is trying to do right by you by keeping a tight rein on expenses. You should respect that. Try to change his mind on this issue before proceeding on your own.

augustlan's avatar

@robmandu: You make an excellent point. Whether you agree with your spouse or not, you must not disregard his feelings on the matter. Try to make him see the error in his logic (and in this case, I think there is one), and come to a mutual agreement.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

talk and not argue.
Sometimes people need to learn when to bite the tongue.

Even trade sure but if money is tight, how about if you don’t sell your current laptop that is considered the even trade? Mine took a crap on me but I didn’t go out and buy a new one. I used an old one that was lying around until I could get my newer laptop up and running.

dayeshere's avatar

Everyone has made very valid points. I appreciate tour responses. I think my major argument in this situation is with him trying to control me and my actions constantly. We have been married for 8 years and this has always been an issue.

@ cheebdragon
I would sell mine on Ebay and buy one at Best Buy

There is nothing wrong with my laptop other than I am running out of space on it and the newer one has more space as well as memory card slots.

I am a gadget freak and am constantly “upgrading”. Everytime I do this my husband freaks out. I don’t understand his logic if there is no out of pocket expense.

robmandu's avatar

“We have been married for 8 years and this has always been an issue.”

Sorry, but what exactly is “this”?

1. that your spouse is a control freak about everything and won’t let you do what you want?

- or -

2. that your spouse has difficulty understanding that your proposed deal ultimately costs nothing?

For #1, you’d need to hash that out together or with a counselor of some sort.

For #2, well, seems to me we’re just getting one side of the story. I personally have a hard time understanding how you can upgrade to newer hardware for the same price as selling your old hardware. Maybe once, if you’re going from primo MacBook Pro to the Acer… but you also said you’re a gadget freak and constantly “upgrading”. That’s just not economically sustainable over many iterations and the long term.

What do you think your spouse would say at the “no cost” bit? Perhaps he’s worried that, while a new laptop might itself come at no additional cost, what about new software, peripherals, time spent getting the PC up to speed, etc?

Have there been past examples where similar “no cost” plans didn’t work out as planned?

dayeshere's avatar

Everytime I have upgraded it has been at no cost to us. I usually purchase the new product with the funds from the sale of the old item combined with gift cards I get every Christmasfeom my parents. This time I would be selling my Acer laptop on Ebay for around $350–375. The new netbook I would like to purchase is on sale at Best Buy thru 8/30 for $329. It is normally priced at $450–500.

dayeshere's avatar

“this” refers to his controlling issue.

I am trying to understand his POV, but I just don’t see ithence the reason I am asking the Fluther community for help.

I would be selling my Seagate external drive along with it, so we would actually PROFIT by about $50.

robmandu's avatar

Well, in all fairness, I don’t think you’ve really presented his point of view… just yours. And of course, yours sounds perfectly reasonable (and his crazy, irrational, controlling).

Since this appears to about him being a control freak in the larger scope, moreso than just this laptop upgrade issue, I’m gonna punt and suggest the counselor option again.

nocountry2's avatar

It sounds like it has nothing to do with this particular situation, but more the historical root of this ongoing argument. What you percieve as controlling may in fact be his concerns about financial strain, maybe he feels like he is the one who always has to be “the bad guy” when it comes to being responsible about money.

My point is, until you sit down together or with a mediator and figure out and understand (and empathize) with the underlying feelings on this long-running issue, you will continue to create friction and resent. It has absolutely nothing to do with being right or wrong.

dayeshere's avatar

Getting my husband to go to couseling would be like trying to get the public to re-elect George Bush. I have asked for us to go and he refuses. Anytime we get in an argument he always brings up divorce. Sometimes I don’t think it sounds like a bad idea except for the fact we have a 2 yr old daughter to think of. In the same evening as our conversation he brought up the fact that he wants to buy a new Malibu. Also, about 5 minutes ago the mailman dropped off a package for my husband from Ebay!

charliecompany34's avatar

when my wife and i were in financial dire straits years ago, we gave up a lot of those little luxuries. sometimes you have to do that so you can get back on your feet. it’s uncomfortable for a while, but hey, as long as that mortgage gets paid. that’s the priority.

susanc's avatar

@dayeshere: please present the case your husband would make if he had access to fluther, so that we can see his point of view really clearly. You know him, you can do this.
Write it in his voice.

nocountry2's avatar

Whoa. If divorce “doesn’t sound like a bad idea except for the sake of our 2-year-old”, I don’t really see how you are going to make it without it. Counseling should be for the sake of your 2-year-old…

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