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crazyguy's avatar

Have you ever dated a person that you do not find physically attractive?

Asked by crazyguy (1439points) 2 days ago

Most of us select a dating partner on the basis of several factors:

1. Attractiveness.
2. Compatibility.
3. Availability.

My question is: have you ever found Factors 2 and 3 so compelling (or please feel free to name and include other factors) that you date somebody who is not physically attractive to you?

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18 Answers

Zaku's avatar

Well, I find that “objective” physical attractiveness does tend to sort of vanish and become quite subjective once I am involved and/or attached to someone. It’s never been clinical the way you describe, for me.

JLeslie's avatar

A couple of times I dated men who weren’t my physical “type.“

One of them I was young and sort of dated him on a lark I guess. He asked me out, I said yes. We spent a few months together kind of on and off.

The other was fairly serious, it lasted about 6 months and I know he thought about marrying me. He wound up being a horror. I’m so glad I got out when I did.

Wound up marrying someone who is the physical type I am usually most drawn to.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

(Female here). Yes, probably all of them. They were all attractive in their own personality. Appearance means little to me.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

No. But admittedly I was a fickle moron when I was younger. Took me along time to get my act together.

filmfann's avatar

I dated women I found attractive, which meant smart, funny, and very little bullshit. Physical appearance didn’t really rate.
That said, I will tell you my wife is physically beautiful, and every day I am amazed she was interested in me.

SEKA's avatar

I married a man who didn’t pass your “attractiveness factor”. As I got to know him, I discovered his “inner beauty” and he became my George Clooney. We are sharing the most wonderful life that most sane people would envy. I feel that beauty is in the eye of the beholder

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Yes. Like Einstine with Malova. I was interested in her mind.

She was smart and funny, and gave the best
Hickies.

crazyguy's avatar

Thanks all for your responses.

I got married 46 years ago (soon to be 47). I am amazed every single day at how beautiful my wife is. We never dated – it was an arranged marriage. I know in my heart of hearts (and she confirms it whenever we have a spat) that she would not have said yes to me if we had dated. However, we are madly in love with each other. Since my choice of a marriage partner was made after interviewing about five or six ladies that were short-listed by my parents, I spent days before the interviews trying to make a list of important considerations. Note that my parents had already eliminated women who were socially, educationally or family-wise incompatible with me. So I settled on the only attribute I could reasonably evaluate in a half-hour interview (and even that was not private). I looked only at physical attractiveness and lucked out about the personality!

JLeslie's avatar

@crazyguy I love your story. Where I live I see so many couples who are obviously still enamored with each other after many years of marriage. It’s really nice. I find it a shame that we don’t talk about this more in our society rather than high divorce rates.

kritiper's avatar

Yes. Clear cases of temporary insanity.

Demosthenes's avatar

No, there has to be some physical attraction involved. It’s not the most important factor, but it is a factor.

anniereborn's avatar

No I never did. I would have to find them attractive in my own way to want to be with them.

crazyguy's avatar

I agree with all the answers. For me it is almost impossible to make love to somebody I do not find physically attractive.

Pandora's avatar

I would have to say none of the above. It’s a long story but my husband was a blind date that I was unaware was a blind date. My best friend asked me to go with her and a friend of her fiance who couldn’t attend a Halloween party. She told me she would feel weird going with him alone. I asked her if it was a blind date and she said no. I found out from my husband later I was his blind date. Anyhow, I was not attracted to him. Long story he made a very bad impression on me at first. Then, we had a blowout and decided to reintroduce ourselves and start over. We discovered we both loved to dance and he was my equal on the dance floor. So we decided we would be just friends to go clubbing with. Two days later he called me about possibly coming to town to go clubbing after a wedding he was attending and I found I was thinking about him so much that I was going to ask my friend for his number. He called me just as I was getting ready to call my friend. Something I never did. We had a long 3-hour conversation and that is where it began. And what I loved about him was his honesty and vulnerability and his horrible jokes and his kind positive nature.
It wasn’t for his looks, nor because we like some of the same things, nor because he and I were free to date. Though if he wasn’t then I would’ve walked away before it started because I never would break up a couple. I dated guys I was attracted to, who were available and compatible with me, but often their dishonesty killed all feelings for me.

crazyguy's avatar

@Pandora You say you dated guys you were attracted to who were available and compatible to me. You also say: “none of the above”. What am I missing?

Pandora's avatar

Ah, I misread. I thought you meant when dating how did you end up deciding who to be with. Now I understand the part about availability.
I did date the above as you stated but after one horrible date with a guy I met at a school dance, I never dated a guy that couldn’t be vouch for by friends or family. So in those cases I usually had developed a slight relationship before agreeing to date them. So safety and likability was a major reason for me to even go on one date.

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