General Question

tan253's avatar

How do we deal with physically getting older?

Asked by tan253 (2869points) 1 month ago from iPhone

Hey guys, I’m now in my 40’s. 45 almost and I’m actually struggling, I know this is vanity but just hear me out. I work in film and tv and I’ve noticed my skin sags now, I can’t lose weight easily, I have wrinkles, jowls, turkey neck. Always tired and now grumpy as I find it hard to look at myself. I hate getting my photo taken and every time I see myself I feel sad. Now I know this sounds harsh and vain and we ‘all age so get over it,’ yet in my industry woman are not allowed to age. I’m thinking of plastic surgery but I hate the idea of plastic surgery. Anyone else understand? I expect a barrage of ‘stop being selfish’ comments but I do hope to hear from someone that understands – I love that I’m older but I don’t like the changes in my body.

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14 Answers

AK's avatar

Hah, we’re on the same boat. Same age, similar feelings. Those who say ‘get over it’, are mostly those who haven’t experienced it. No matter how inevitable the aging process is, when we go through it, the pains and mental gymnastics are for real…and vanity doesn’t have anything to do with it, trust me. Of course, we all want to look younger but the fact that we are physically not able to be as fit and tuned as our younger selves, is more upsetting than those grey strands and baggy eyes.
My remedy for this midlife crisis is to accept the inevitable but at the same time, doing my best to stay in the best shape I can. Yes, it takes a lot more effort now…yes, the results are slow…yes, the body screams STOP while working out….but we have to do it….Being fit is possible and I’m told that being fit in middle age helps us when we really get old….

canidmajor's avatar

Change your perspective. Appreciate that you have greater leeway to do some things you couldn’t do before. @AK is wrong. We don’t “all want to look younger”. Some of us actually like not having to have our appearance be up to an unreasonable standard. If you are becoming miserable in your industry because you feel you don’t look fuckable enough, then either find a new industry or shift your outlook.
I can sit in a coffee shop and read my book without being harassed. I can walk to my car after dark and feel pretty safe. The list goes on.

I hate that stuff hurts, and I’m annoyed sometimes that I don’t have the same energy, but I feel that it is leveling up, just having a different attitude about life.

As to your statement “we all age so get over it”…no we don’t.

If all you wanted was “oh, poor baby” posts, then you might want to flag this.

dabbler's avatar

What’s your exercise like? The older stars we admire mostly spend serious time regularly working their bodies.

kritiper's avatar

Just that. We deal with it. We ACCEPT THE FACT that we are only human and that our lives will end some day.

AK's avatar

@canidmajor – wanting to look younger does and standing measure on an unreasonable scale….are two different things. I actually ‘like’ not having to deal with know it alls who conflate things and call me out….

KNOWITALL's avatar

I assume being in the business that you are practicing good self-care, with your skincare routines and workout’s.
Other than that, if you are not happy and can afford it, why not invest in yourself and your career with plastic surgery? Just make sure to go to a good one.

jca2's avatar

The best things you can do for yourself and your appearance are eat right, drink the appropriate amount of water, exercise, try to live with little stress (staying out of fights and drama, etc.), sleep well. On top of that, my personal advice, one not always mentioned, is to wear sunscreen every day.

You may choose to freshen that all up with hair color and makeup.

The above may not compete with plastic surgery but for the average person, it’s the best they can do.

JLeslie's avatar

Do you exercise? Truly, the people who I know who look the best exercise regularly, protect their skin from the sun, and eat well. Ugh, sucks right? Healthy whole foods, fruits and lots of veg. Many of them also do little things to improve their skin like laser treatments and some use botox. The lasers can tighten skin and smooth wrinkles.

My advise is just don’t overdo the cosmetic procedures. In America it is way overused and a lot of women look so artificial it is unattractive to me. I don’t mean a specific procedure, I mean if you choose to get botox don’t get your face so frozen your lips and eyes can’t move. I have seen full face lifts that look less plastic than some botox and lip puff-ups. Don’t distort your face.

Also, when you are over 50 I think you will care less about it, although I can’t predict for sure. You likely will be in more of an acceptance stage as you age. It doesn’t help that you are in an industry where you are likely surrounded by a lot of younger people. Right now I live surrounded by people older than me, everything is relative. I see 70 year olds with more energy than me and I am envious of it, and I hope I can be like them, and their looks are barely in the equation.

I agree with @jca2 that dying your hair is really a big deal when it comes to looking younger. It easily takes ten years off of a person’s age, or ages them ten years if they are grey early. Gaining weight can age people too. I have gained weight in recent years, and I think it makes me look more matronly. I can kind of adjust for it with clothing, but staying trim makes it easier, while at the same time not too thin, because then skin can looked more wrinkled and saggy. Can’t win.

Think about this: in ten years from now you will look back and think I can’t believe I complained, I didn’t know how good I looked. It continues like that until you die. Just make the best of it in the moment. Aging gracefully can be really beautiful, your country seems to be better at it than mine. Having energy (exercise helps with that) and presence (confidence) is half the battle, because both of those things are beautiful.

tan253's avatar

Guys, thank you – nope I dont exercise, i’ve always been skinny and never wanted to exercise as I hated losing weight, well guess bloody what now! I want to lose weight, it just seems to gather on all parts of my body like uninvited guests at a birthday party!

“Think about this: in ten years from now you will look back and think I can’t believe I complained, I didn’t know how good I looked.” – you’re right here…. JLeslie, I look back now at myself in my 20s and am thinking, bloody hell what was i complaining about… it’s perspective, I’m going thrugh a midlife crisis i’ve realised, still single, solo Mum, running my own business, hustling everyday in an industry where the more attractive you are – the less you have to hustle, fark – maybe it’s time I found another industry.

Drink water, laugh, exercise, sleep and maybe a little bit of help from nonsurgical procedures :)

haha thanks guys, .... I appreciate the vaild and candid responses.

mazingerz88's avatar

I’m also having a hard time with it at 53. Or is it 54? Let’s just say 52.

Noticing for the first time that the skin on my hand now has tiny wrinkly lines wasn’t at all easy. The process had begun. On its way to looking like my grandfather’s hand as I remember it many years ago, almost transparent and resembling stretched cellophane. I’m not sure yet how I can deal with it with grace and poise. Whenever I find myself reflecting on it I end up feeling…defeated already…by Time.

Looking at the glass half-full. Things could be worse. Still vertical not horizontal. Tired cliches but effective for me. Uncertain as to how long these psychological musings would help though before I turned into an angry bitter ogre. Or is it orc?

JLeslie's avatar

@tan253 I think we all go through it. You sound busy. Do you like classes like aerobics or Zumba? So much on zoom now with the COVID situation. I do zoom zumba about 3 times a week. Some people do zoom yoga, etc etc.

tan253's avatar

Yes I guess we need to find the humour and the peace with age. Age isn’t expected it’s a gift – not everyone gets to our age – or beyond so I guess we should or i should be thankful – but still seriously gravity!!!

mazingerz88's avatar

Gravity is good. Keeps us from floating up into space. : )

give_seek's avatar

I know what you mean. In addition to the great suggestions already made, especially those regarding exercise, remember to exercise your face. YouTube facial routines you can do to preserve the elasticity in your face. Also, now is the time to invest in the highest-rated moisturizers for your skin. Yes, these are also quite expensive, but they seem to be worth it. Lastly, do a deep dive into surgery-free face lift options.

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