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SergeantQueen's avatar

How do I stop caring about other people?

Asked by SergeantQueen (12840points) November 14th, 2021

Man, I am such a loser being so freaking upset over this dumbass boy. Don’t know why I still care, haven’t talked in like 3 months. But I was never given a real reason for it. There was no reason for it. I just got given up on for no reason.

And I do not want it to happen again. I wish I Never cared at all. I regret trusting him so badly and I regret thinking he was different, he wasn’t.

I have been in relationships before obviously. But I can tell you right now I never have ever cared or loved for someone as much as that. It was scary.

Point is, is that I am done. I never should have trusted him, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to care and I certainly didn’t want to love him because I was just so scared of getting hurt. But I did anyways and now I am just stuck. It has not stopped hurting once, and it is just getting worse.

So because of this, I have officially decided it is just best for me to stop caring. I do not want to be with anyone, I don’t want to get close to anyone. It has never ended well. So I am done with it.

How do I get rid of my empathy? How do I stop caring? How do I stop trusting?

These are genuine questions please. I do not want these emotions anymore. It hurts too much

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21 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

I know it’s very hard, but you have to let him go. Right now he is physically gone, but he is still reigning in your head and doesn’t allow you to have peace. The only way to free yourself from him is to live the best life that you can and surround yourself with people who genuinely love you.

Empathy is a gift, not a curse. It’s the very thing that will draw people who truly care toward you. You can’t benefit anything from stop caring. It only further isolate yourself from the help you need and make you more miserable. And that’s exactly what he wants, seeing you miserable for as long as possible.

If you can’t do it alone and have difficulty in forming good relationship, you can always reach out to someone who cares, like people on this site or a counselor.

Your empathy is also what the world needs too. Just think about it, how many times you see news about a psychopath who thinks empathy isn’t necessary and that gives them a free pass to harm others? Or how many unfortunate incidents that could have been prevented if people just care for each other?

Please, do not make other people suffer for the fault of a guy who doesn’t deserve to be here in the first place.

LostInParadise's avatar

It really hurts when someone walks out on you without giving any reason. You can’t give up. Think of it as a learning opportunity. Was there any indication that the other person’s feelings matched yours? Do you see where you might have misinterpreted what he did? Don’t try to cut off your feelings. Learn from them and move on.

seawulf575's avatar

@SergeantQueen My suggestion is to move on. It sounds like this guy has issues. Not calling, just ghosting you, not talking, etc. are all signs of extreme immaturity. You are giving him too much power over you, even now. He hurt you and will continue to hurt you until you realize HE is the problem, not you. Move on. Go out and live your life. Enjoy the world and the people in it. Don’t let this guy deprive you of any more happiness.

And when he decides to try getting in touch again, don’t give him the satisfaction. He has shown his true colors and will do the exact same thing again, given the chance.

Poseidon's avatar

Hello SergeantQueen.

I am so sorry to say that I feel that you are wrong in wishing to stop caring about other people simply because one person you have cared for and helped apparently has turned his back on you after all the help you gave him.

This totally ungrateful individual is just one person and others you help will not treat you in such an abhorrent way and will be grateful for your friendship and help.

Also if you naturally lean toward helping others it will be extremely difficult to turn your back on anyone else who may need your help.

I have attempted to help many people during my 74 years and I have been let down numerous times but the vast majority have been grateful to me.

The fact that some I have helped have let me down and in fact on occasion ‘stabbed me in the back’ has not stopped me from continuing to help others.

In fact some of those who have turned their back on me after I helped them have come back again and asked for my help, and I did try to help again.

Many people may think I was being a fool to do this but this is the way I am made and I can’t help it.

I would rather be as helpful as I can than turn my back on someone in need and I am sure you are likely to be the same.

Added to this when the help I gave proved successful it is a great shot in the arm for me and I am delighted I could help.

Don’t let one selfish individual put you off.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I think theres a lot of positives about being alone and working on yourself. That way when you meet the right person you are 100% ready in every way to be an amazing partner.

flutherother's avatar

The time has come to stop caring about him, but not other people and especially not yourself. No one has more power over you than you have over yourself. I wouldn’t even regret trusting him, only those who can trust can be trusted in return. Being able to trust is a precious gift you do not want to lose. Keep it safe until someone better comes along.

SergeantQueen's avatar

It is certainly not the only one. It is literally everyone I have devoted my time too. So If something isn’t wrong with me, I don’t know what the issue is. I am not really changing my mind. Sorry I posted here.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@SergeantQueen Can you ask any ex’s for honest feedback?

I mean most of us kissed a lot of frogs, this is completely normal. Dating sucks.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Considering the other is in prison. No.

I am done with it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I never have ever cared or loved for someone as much as that. It was scary.

It is certainly not the only one. It is literally everyone I have devoted my time too.

So you aren’t just upset with him, but with everyone else? I’m a bit confused here.

I’m not criticizing you in any way, I’m just trying to get a full picture of your situation.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

You can focus on schooling and work. Unfortunately life will happen and there is a saying that “when calls the heart”, will happen again.

I thought that because I had pervious college experience that I was better and more prepared for university vs. a bunch of 18 years old. I thought wrong and all the crap that I didn’t deal with in junior high came up and I was broken and put to tears.

The morel is that one must always work on on our mental and social health/skills, because if not then you will not be prepared when life happens; And it will happen. Life always happens to all of us. Even Einstein got a classmate pregnant, out of marriage, and he was supposed to be the better of us.

If you truly don’t want to care about others then you are going to need something to focus on, like education, hobbies, careers, ect..

I focus on Fluther, food and family. The 3 F’s.

Good luck, be strong, and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Patty_Melt's avatar

You can’t flip a switch to shut off any feelings.

The best you can hope for is to be focused in new directions, or old directions in need of added attention, and soon that attention will crowd away the garbage you want gone. You don’t have to run yourself into the ground. Just adjust where your thoughts and energy are focused.

To illustrate my point, let me point to movies you have seen. The first minutes are called the hook. It is supposed to get you interested in watching more. An hour into the movie, you aren’t thinking about the first few minutes anymore. They happened. They haven’t changed. You have been focused on other events. The writer, actors, and director have moved your focus to other things. You need to be the director, and just let actors and scenery move your focus somewhere else.
You are a caring person.we all know that. That won’t change just because you refocus your attention in other directions. You will still be a caring person, and you will still have our respect.

SergeantQueen's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I have had plenty of friends leave once I gave them support they needed. My luck with relationships isn’t good either.

@Patty_Melt It is obnoxious because I cannot stop myself. I am not trying to brag or come off narcissistic. But I help people even when I know I shouldn’t, or when I cannot mentally take on more than I already have. I always cave in and I hate that about myself. Same goes for cutting people out. I give too many chances. Just once, I would love to tell someone to fuck off and actually mean it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

But I help people even when I know I shouldn’t, or when I cannot mentally take on more than I already have.

You need to learn how to set up boundary. You can be kind and say no when it’s not beneficial for you. You don’t need to be forceful and tell people to “fuck off”, just a simple “no” is enough to send the message across. If someone is offended that you can’t cross your boundary, then they aren’t your friend and you can safely leave them without regret. It’s a useful skill to protect yourself while giving out positive support to everyone.

I don’t blame you if you don’t know boundary. A lot of abused victims have problems with that too. Even I used to have problems until very recently in my life. Many people need help with learning about boundary. It’s something that a counselor can and should help you with.

I used to pride myself for my “ability” to help everyone more than I could, but I have come to realized that it’s not something to be proud of. It just burns me up in the process and leave rooms for manipulators to drain me dry.

I also have a friend who doesn’t know how to set up boundary. She gets conned by bad people again and again. And every time that happens she becomes angry and blames the world for being selfish and cruel. It’s heartbreaking to see.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Yeah, because the world is fucking cruel

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Mimishu1995 and your solution is to be apathetic? That would only add more darkness to the world.

I was involved in two abusive friendships, one lasted for 10 years and one lasted for 4 years. And now I’m here replying to you. I haven’t stopped caring yet.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Can’t get hurt if you don’t care.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I still get hurt from time to time. Doesn’t deter me one bit. I think I have addressed this in my first response.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I’m glad it worked out for you. Truly. I just don’t believe that is the case with me.

dabbler's avatar

I trhink @Mimishu1995 has a useful approach, know your boundaries and be courageous.

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