General Question

sarapnsc's avatar

Why do adults bully? I can understand somewhat, why children bully and have cliques, I see it as they haven't quite matured, don't know any better, or don't know how to handle social situations etc.

Asked by sarapnsc (1436points) September 21st, 2008

But, why do adults do it? A mature, grown adult? Also, would you say someone who is pompous/arrogant and rude as being a bully, or would that be a seperate character of a person? If you had someone in the workplace who showed this type of behavior to others, and you had the authority to fire them, would you, (after being give a warning?) Even just socializing, would you still want to continue socializing with that person, outside of the workplace? Are they considered a bully?

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12 Answers

loser's avatar

I think you answered this one yourself: they haven’t quite matured.

sarapnsc's avatar

@loser, well would you have fired them, would you socialize with them outside of work? After, been given a warning that is.

Should have made this clearer, my apologies.

loser's avatar

If they’re a good employee, no. They’re there to work, not socialze, right?

Snoopy's avatar

@loser Are they really a good employee if they bully their co-workers? I guess it depends on your definition of success. If they assemble the most widgits are they a good worker even if they are a bully?
If they were my employee and good at particular task, I would offer counsel and/or try to isolate them from others if possible.

I think bullying and intimidation are a result of low self esteem.

Bri_L's avatar

I agree with snoopy

Just a personal side note:

I hate bullies more than almost anyone, and will do anything to stand up for someone being bullied wether I am involved or not. On fluther or not.

gailcalled's avatar

Adult bullies were usually tormented as kids. Here is a site that addresses the issue of Adult Bullies

marinelife's avatar

There is insufficient information to give an accurate answer here. You have labeled the person a bully, but you have not stated what the behavior was, so it is hard to give a real response about whether to fire them.

To answer the part of your question that is clear, there is a definite difference between simply being rude, pompous and arrogant and bullying.

A bully intimidates others using demeanor or physical threats. That is very different from being a rude person.

I would definitely not socialize with either a rude, arrogant person or a bully. In a management situation, in either case, I would make it clear that such behavior was unacceptable and preceisely what changes I wanted made. For example, “I have had complaints from your co-workers about your rudeness. This company has a policy of workplace civility. If you cannot be civil and respectful when speaking to your colleagues, please do not speak with them at all. I am making note a note in your personnel file regarding this conversation. Further rudeness on your part, will result in a written formal reprimand.” (Firing is not the immediate next step.)

deaddolly's avatar

I agree with Marina. I detest bullys or any kind. I think addult bullies bully to make themselves feel better somehow. It puts them in control, like a rapist.

I don’t socialize with bullies or rude ppl either. I’ve had to deal with them at work, but they ususally don’t last long.

sarapnsc's avatar

@Marina…not even going there….

pandamonia's avatar

I would say that it’s really because they are so insecure about themselves that they need to make other people feel worse in order for them to feel better.

Zen's avatar

Very simply put: immaturity and low self-esteem. A bully always hurts at least two people in the process; himself, and the person he is bullying. It is a sad state of affairs when an adult bullies, but then, it’s a sad state of affairs when an adult does anything unkind, dishonest or criminal. There will always be bullies, but there will always be more kindness and goodness.

moorpheus's avatar

Adults are children in older bodies. Sadly, bullies persist everywhere. They are less likely to bully physically, but they WILL bully through manipulation, sneakiness, lying to others to gang up on someone, gossip, and outright hostile behavior.

It’s always difficult to handle, and has far reaching effects on lives.

But you must watch out wherever you are.

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