General Question

Celeste00's avatar

If you're a guy, how would you like to hear the "I'd like to hang out, but it's not a date" statement?

Asked by Celeste00 (786points) September 22nd, 2008

I’m in a relationship, and would like to be able to make clear to some male aquaintances that I like to meet new people, and hang out with them, but I’m not dating them. What do you think it’s a nice way to get the point accross without sounding too defensive?

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21 Answers

srtlhill's avatar

honesty that’s it.

loser's avatar

Just mention that you’re in a relationship and that your boyfriend doesn’t mind you hanging out with other guys and, sure!

Bri_L's avatar

what srthill and loser said

marinelife's avatar

I am unclear on why this is hard. First, if asked to do something, I would say “Just to clarify, you want to go out as friends, right? because Gary and I are in an exclusive dating relationship.”

Celeste00's avatar

@Marina, that would be my first instinct, but I’m not very aware of people’s sensitivities, and have managed to offend some people that way. Just wanted to hear if maybe there’s other ways I hadn’t explored.

jessehattabaugh's avatar

Guys don’t care how you phrase it as long as it’s clear. You could just say ”...not to fuck, just to hang out.” and we’ll understand. The real question is how to make us believe you ;-)

Emilyy's avatar

I asked this question last week which is related:

It seems like being in a relationship with someone else gives you a built-in excuse. Regardless, I’d suggest being up-front about it. I wouldn’t wait until you’re out at coffee to drop the “I like you as a friend but I have a boyfriend” bomb. Marina has the right idea up above. Just clarify beforehand. You can even say something like, “I have a hard time reading people sometimes, so I apologize if this is a little out of line, but I want to make sure this is just a platonic date.”

HOWEVER, you have to also accept that if someone really, really likes you, they might agree to a “friends only” hang out while still hoping for more. Just be clear about what you want, and set boundaries if you sense that your friends are wanting more from you.

See, community? I learned!

Jreemy's avatar

In a round-about way, I have always been met with this response, lol, it is a bit disheartening to hear it if I am attracted to the girl, but I get over it and end up being friends. So it really depends on the guy. He may laugh it off and mention that he liked you as a friend anyway.

Celeste00's avatar

Thanks, ya’ll! Old-fashioned disclaimer it is. :) Now just gotta get over how awkward meeting someone like that is.

marinelife's avatar

OK, there is another less-straighforward, but still unbeatable way. Guy A suggests activity. You: “That sounds like fun. OK, if I bring my steady?” His body language should clue you in on his intentions. You can always claim your guy had something else going if you decide it is innocuous and you want to to go.

Nimis's avatar

Removed because I am confused.

jessehattabaugh's avatar

@jballou I was just playin!

Celeste00's avatar

@jballou yes he is, and he’s got a twisted sense of humor.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

just state it from the beginning instead of beating around the bush.

Honesty is the best policy and being blunt about it is even better.

wundayatta's avatar

If I were a guy (which I am, even though I play one on TV), I don’t think I’d like to hear that one bit. Or maybe I would. Dating sucks. Very bad way to get to know people. I think I’d take it as a sign the chick was really digging me. Oops. My bellbottoms are showing.

Ya know. We could lick the back of a frog together, and you won’t have to worry about what this is all about. Too soon? All right then, just put this postage stamp in your mouth. No? You prefer to remain straight? Well, parallel lines never meet, so pardon me, but I plan to stick to the curve.

Boys are boys. Girls are girls. I play a guy on TV. The twain shall meet, and then, all bets are off!

Fieryspoon's avatar

Hey, I remember this!

If you’re up front regarding your boyfriend, and it’s obvious that the dude won’t play ball, then you just can’t be friends. If he knows the rules and he can play by them, then great.

Just don’t hang out with him a bunch before informing of the situation. And you know, like, don’t tell him you have a boyfriend after you make out with him. That’s the worst.

answerjill's avatar

Once, I asked this guy if he wanted to do something some time and he replied that he would like to hang out with me—but with a group of other people. That made me realize quickly that he was “just not that into me.” It felt bad at first, but I actually came to appreciate his directness. It kept me from getting into a situation where I would hang out with the guy (with or without a group) and I would think that I had a chance. Been there, done that.

invic's avatar

That comes at me soo much. its hillarious. thats it. u just hang out.

kevinhardy's avatar

it’s a date either way

plethora's avatar

This all seems like an exercise in “Let’s not look at the pink elephant in the room”.

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