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mascot_18's avatar

How to handle boyfriend past?

Asked by mascot_18 (48points) 4 weeks ago

Okay so me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship right now and I sometimes feel he dont feel that close to me when it comes to his past because we dont have anything similar but I understand him. But recently he told me about a girl he play games with that she had similar past so he feel close to her and feel that he could be lot more open with her, I feel bad for her but same time I feel insecure. He even said that her past is precious to him, I cried a lot because I wish he could feel that about me. I guess there is nothing keeping us close and feel like he’d lose interest someday. How should I handle this situation?

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12 Answers

Forever_Free's avatar

Be open and communicate this with him. Remember that dating is only about discovering yourself. You are trying things out and it does not mean you have to stay together.
Have fun, be safe, enjoy life.

zenvelo's avatar

It is hard to answer you because of your poor grammar.

When you say “boyfriend past” I am assuming you are referring to his past, not a boyfriend in your past.

You say it is long distance, how often do you see each other? If it is less than once every ten days, I think it is time to realize the two of you are just staying loosely connected but not in a relationship that is going anywhere. Time to move it into “friend” if you want to stay connected, but you both should consider it over.

mascot_18's avatar

@zenvelo but i want to make it work (im sorry for grammar though) and we rarely meet. But just help me with how should I talk about this.

janbb's avatar

@mascot_18 Tell him what you told us. You want to be with him but you are concerned that his connection to the other girl is stronger because of their pasts than his connection to you. He might end up breaking up with you but it could happen anyway so why torture yourself? You might be pleasantly surprised by his answer.

elbanditoroso's avatar

How old are you? My answer will be different if you are 18 than it would be if you are 25, or 50.

LostInParadise's avatar

People say that opposites attract. With regard to human relationships, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but there is some truth to it. It is a combination of similarities and differences that draw two people together. The strengths of one may coincide with weaknesses of the other.

It is important to understand that your boyfriend is openly talking to you about his relationship to this other girl. It may be time to discuss what you have to offer compared to her. The result could very well be the end of your relationship, but it may in fact result in a strengthened relationship.

snowberry's avatar

In 2 months my hubby and I will have been married 47 years.

This week I finally was able to phrase a reality about myself that he never understood until now. Perhaps it will help you in this relationship, or in a future one. This is what I told him:

Women are all about relationships. If, for example, he stomps off and gives me the silent treatment (that’s how he handles conflict), for me it’s like having the worst migraine in my emotions. There is no medication can deaden the pain,

I told him if I tell him how what he says is hurting me, he can acknowledge my pain, his part in it, and take me in his arms and just hold me. He can reassure me that he’ll be there for me. If he does this consistently, it is such a relief to have things whole between us again, and the pain subsides.

I know your relationship is long distance, but your boyfriend can still do this via video or text- if he wants to. If he’s not committed to making the effort to reassure you and comfort you, he’s already moved on.

jca2's avatar

I think some guys like to create jealousy by talking about other women. To me, those guys are jerks. A good guy won’t talk about other women, the same way he probably wouldn’t appreciate it if you were talking about past boyfriends or stuff like that.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think it’s time to move on. Asking your age was a good question.

And make friends with an English teacher on Facebook and ask for help.

smudges's avatar

@all In 2021 @mascot_18 was 15, so she’s 17 or 18 now.

MrGrimm888's avatar

As time goes by, we all grow.
As couples, we grow.
We can grow together, or unfortunately, grow apart.
It’s hard to force something, when maybe you have grown apart. That doesn’t mean either of you necessarily have grown or changed for the worse, just that maybe after several years especially when you’re a changing young adult, you are different people now, than when things were working.

But. You have to try to talk to him.
Ideally, this is a conversation to be had in person. So you can really talk.
Lay things out.

Long distance relationships, are tough.

If you are as young as we think, you haven’t even begun your journey yet. You are only “young” once. When you’re young, you think like 30 is “old.”
If you survive to 80, 90, 100, etc, the vast majority of your life will be spent as an “old” person.

Now is the time to expect mistakes, and changes in interests. It’s just part of that portion of human existence.

If you are a girl, you certainly don’t have to settle. There will always be men, even when you DON’T want them.

SnipSnip's avatar

Drop him like a lead balloon. It takes a certain set of skills to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship and it is not for everyone. It’s best the two of you realize these things and saying goodbye now is easier to do now while you are apart. I hope you are able to move on sooner than later.

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