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emmy23's avatar

Should I go back out with this guy??? please help me?

Asked by emmy23 (256points) October 2nd, 2008

So there was this guy that I used to date 6 months ago. Me and him were really close for a while and then all of a sudden things started to go down hill and he stopped talking to me. I called him time and time again and no response. Well finally I here that he moved away and didnt tell me and when i finally called him he said he was sorry but he didnt want to go out with me anymore anyways. So i was really upset. But i got over him. Now he is back 6 months later and weve been hanging out alot lately. He told me hes not ready for a relationship yet but hes missed me so much and wants to pick up where we left off and then go out again down the road. So basically be friends with benifits for a while. I dont no what to do because i really do like him again but i dont want to get hurt again either. So any advice would be great!

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18 Answers

loser's avatar

You deserve better than that.

osullivanbr's avatar

Why would you want to put yourself out there and be “friends with benefits” with a guy who right now doesn’t feel strongly enough to be with you properly?

scamp's avatar

Don’t let this creep use you honey. Find a guy that will treat you like you deserve to be treated, and kick this dud to the curb! Is this the 15 year old from your previous question?

Divalicious's avatar

I don’t understand what benefit YOU would get from being “friends with benefits”.

Buy a nice toy and lots of batteries. It’s not worth your aggravation for him to benefit without any commitment.

emmy23's avatar

I no you all make a very good point but he did say that eventually we would go out, maybe he has changed????

Bustersdad's avatar

Why would you “kind of go out” in the hopes that he “eventually” will want to go out? It sounds like you are interested in one thing and he is interested in something very different. Might be a good idea to ask him to get back to you when he is ready to date. In the meantime, don’t expect much, if anything, from him.

gailcalled's avatar

You take note of what people do and not what they say. You are the one who must learn and change. You can expect nothing from him; he had not changed. I can promise that.

emmy23's avatar

To scamp No hes not the 15 year old from my last question. It turns out he didnt like me like i thought he did. This is just a guy from my past who is freaking me out because he is back again and im realizing that im not over him

Judi's avatar

This is just as true as it was when my mom said it to me 35 years ago:
“Why buy the cow when the milk is free?”

scamp's avatar

Ok thanks for letting me know. I really can’t see any good coming your way if you allow this guy to keep you dangling this way honey. If you go out with him now, it in a way tells him that he can use you any way he sees fit, then drop you and come back when he feels like it.

Don’t allow anyone to walk on you this way. I know you may still have feelings for him, and he is probably counting on that, but think of how you felt when he told you he wasn’t interested. Do you want to go through that again? And if so how many times?

Just think about the whole friends with benefits thngs. what does that really mean? that means he gets to use you and throw you away without feeling guilty about it. Don’t fall for it. You are worth much more than that.

marinelife's avatar

Emmy, he is not a kind, thoughtful person. He does not care about your feelings.

1. He stopped returning your calls with no explanation.

2. He moved away without telling you.

3. When you finally contacted him, he told you he did not like you and did not want to date you any more. (There were much nicer ways of letting you down than that.)

4. He moves back, and you are there. One of the few people he knows. Ready to be used all over again.

5. Why isn’t he ready to have a relationship? It’s because he does not even need to bother. He is going to get what he wants from you, until he sees someone he likes better, and then he will drop you again.

Tell him you still like him, but you are not going to let him hurt you again., Tell him that if he decides he is ready for a real relationship, he can come and ask if you are interested in dating him. Meanwhile, you are going to be hanging out with people who like you, respect you and treat you right, because that is what you deserve.

You are getting the message, but you just don’t like what it is saying. You need to like yourself enough to think that you deserve better than this guy. Also, having no relationship would be better than this guy.

Divalicious's avatar

@ Marina: Very nicely put! Lurve to you!

basp's avatar

as mom used to say, “there are plenty of fish in the sea. Time to go fishing.”

JackAdams's avatar

I think you would have a better chance at happiness, if you opened a page at random in your telephone white pages directory, and picked the 137th name on that page, then called him.

Allie's avatar

My great-grandma used to tell me this: “When a man shows you who he really is, believe him.” I think you could use her advice right about now.

JackAdams's avatar

Your Great-Gramma was a very wise woman, indeed.

emmy23's avatar

Thankyou all for help
I truly appreciate it =)
marina Thankyou soo much, your answer really helped me alot, what you said is very true!

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