I like this guy but Im afraid of getting hurt!

Go for it, you might fall in love ;-)

You will not know until you try it out. But if you get signs of things that might be heading the wrong way then bail. There are good guys out there they are just hard to find. I am one of the good guys but I am already taken ;-)

You can never be hurt so much that it wasn’t worth trying. You have to accept that being hurt can and will happen from time to time. Just look at the situation and how you came to be there, learn and grow as a person, and then try to move on.

Most importantly; don’t assume. If you assume the worst and recoil, you’ll never really know and perhaps even predispose yourself to it not going well.

I wish you the best.

If you don’t take the risk, you never find the right one

Listen to the Brit. He is wise.

Once bit, twice shy. If you’re still reeling from the pain of a past relationship, it can be very difficult, if not impossible to open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again.

Why not be honest about this? Just tell him what happened, and that you are just interested in a very laid-back kind of thing. You don’t want pressure to move faster than you feel safe. If he can back off, and be cool, and really, just be friendly for a while, then you can get to know him, and see if he’s safe enough to go a bit further, emotionally speaking.

If you’re throwing yourself into relationship after relationship, and finding it hard to trust guys, this may mean that there’s more to it than just what happened in a few relationships. If that’s the case, therapy can help.

It’s important to know that as long as you are looking for a relationship to complete yourself, or to build up your self-esteem, you will find men who do the opposite. If you find a way to become comfortable and confident in yourself, you will find men who respect and care for you.

Obviously, if you have low self-esteem, it is a difficult task to rebuild that self-esteem. Don’t ask me how to do it, because I don’t know. I haven’t been able to do that trick on myself. I will tell you this—if you aren’t confident about yourself and your power, then pretend to be. Act as if you are strong and powerful, and can have your choice of men, so this guy better be good, or you’ll drop him. If you act it, they say, you will become it. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do believe it helps.

You’re in control. Don’t let it go any faster than you are comfortable with. You do have power. Use it to keep yourself safe. No one else is going to keep you safe.

I’m coming to accept that all relationships end.

All relationships end.

Let me say that again: ALL relationships end. This is not “bad.” It is merely a fact.

I’m starting to think that we cause ourselves no end of trouble when deep within, we believe in “happily ever after” and try to make our lives fit a fairy tale. Such things don’t exist. You have the moment, the present. You cannot worry about the future. And what happened yesterday was yesterday. This is a different person, a different moment. If you pay attention while you’re in that moment, you’ll see for yourself how much you can share, just get out of your head as much as you are able.

This isn’t to say I’m fully capable of this myself, but I’m working on it. Those old fantasies die hard.

I would strongly suggest seeing the film “The Goodbye Girl” and learn from that, that all men are not alike. Just because you have had one bad relationship (or six or ten), that does not mean THIS guy is going to be a dick-head, too. Nice guys DO exist and they are not all married or gay.
Good luck with your date! I hope it is everything you want it to be.

Be open with him. Let him know how you’re feeling about the situation. If he’s willing to be honest and open back to you, then it will be more than worth it :)

@Foolaholic Isn’t that taking things a bit too fast and jumping the gun? Sounds like talk for when things start getting more serious to me.

@richardhenry

I don’t mean to be taking it that far. I’m just a big fan of honesty in the relationship. I’ve had similar problems…

First, understand that this man has not hurt you. You have no reason to believe that he will. Your prior experiences have nothing to do with this guy. At this point, he’s as likely to sweep you off your feet as hurt you.

The only thing your past experiences have to offer you is an education. If you consider them mistakes (and I’m not saying that they were. As april said, all relationships end. It’s not necessarily bad), then learn from them. The question is, what to learn?

If you learned that all men are jerks, then you haven’t learned the lesson that life intended you to learn. If you learned that relationships end as a natural part of life, and sometimes it hurts, and sometimes people are jerks, and now you are a little better able to spot a jerk—well then maybe you’ve learned the correct lesson.

Finally, don’t believe that strong feelings—good or bad—are a license to turn off your brain. Feelings are often misleading, dangerous and/or flat out wrong. Your intellect is your best friend. Turn down your heart, and turn up your head. Feelings fade. Facts don’t.

Thanks for all your help. It turns out that he was a total jerk and after we kissed he wanted nothing to do with me. But you live and learn. =(

Just don’t assume that everyone will be the same, because they aren’t. Good luck and take care. :)

@emmy23 Sorry to hear that. Take it as a life lesson and consider it a bullet dodged. Good luck.

poser Thankyou for your advice. I do consider it a life lesson. Sure, I got hurt, but I will be alright.