General Question

tulsane's avatar

How long should I give him to respond before moving on?

Asked by tulsane (14points) April 19th, 2009

I sent an SMS to a guy who is interested in me. I have never asked someone to be my boyfriend so I said, “If you want to think about asking me…my answer would be yes.” I sent i via SMS – what I am wondering is, the appropriate response – HOW? SMS is so unromantic, should he send a letter or call or should I just expect an SMS? And finally and most importantly, how LONG should I give him? A week, 3 months, 2 days etc before I move on?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

19 Answers

zephyr826's avatar

I would hope he would at least call, but then again, you sent a text, so perhaps he’ll respond in kind. I would give him a week, and then assume either his feelings have changed or you read him wrong. Good luck.

James_Mal's avatar

If you sent a text, he may reply to that text. I’m a guy, and I do prefer to approach girls in person. I believe that if it is done any other way shows a sort of weakness. I’m very shy, so it is hard for me to do, but that’s how I prefer to do it. I’d hope for in person. I think a note seems… immature. A call would probably be the next best thing. I would give him a little. If it’s an SMS message, it shouldn’t take more than a day or two for him to get it. He may not reply for a few more days. At most I’d give a week, but it really depends on how much you like him.

And if he seems to be worth waiting for of course.

Hope this helped!

tulsane's avatar

Hey, thanks guys – the reason I said a note was because at the moment we are interstate, he’ll be back in 2 months! (he is seeing his fam)

knitfroggy's avatar

Maybe he didn’t get the text…My friend thinks I’m ignoring her sometimes and I really didn’t get anything from her. I know this isn’t helpful, but it could be an option to why you haven’t heard from him.

tulsane's avatar

It has been 1 day since I sent it:) I am stressing out though as I have been away for a few months and in that time realised I want to be with him!

arnbev959's avatar

Give him some time. I haven’t seem my phone since Friday, and I haven’t looked for it. Some guys don’t check their phones that often. And as to @knitfroggy‘s point, sometimes I don’t get texts either. So maybe you should wait until you see him in person and ask if he got your text.

Was this the first time you’ve contacted him since you’ve been back?

tulsane's avatar

Hey, no were were texting each other for 4 hours on the same day….then I thought about sending him this text and sent it maybe 4 hours later. But the actual day I sent it was the first time I was ettled in enough to talk to him properly. (I stayed in contact with him while away though and we never stopped communicating)

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If he’s interested, make him work for it. If you sent him a SMS wait until he responds. When he responds, don’t you respond right away. Let him sweat it out. He’ll want you more if you act like you’d be ok without him .

tulsane's avatar

And pothead…he doesnt check his phone every time he receives a msg etc but he’ll check it every day at some point.

Compassionate – i intend to make him wait, he is making me wait:)

But before I left he actually tried to get me to commit to him but I didnt (as it would be too hard with the distance…) and prior to me asking him he was still acting normally calling me sweetheart etc..I shouldn’t stress too much I guess:)

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@tulsane He’s trying to get you to commit already? Don’t move too fast. Don’t let him goad you into anything you don’t want to do. Guys that age, well guys of any age actually, usually make the mistake of moving way too fast. Go at your own pace. If he turns out to be a patient guy, then that’s a big feather in his cap.

tulsane's avatar

Yeah..I agree, thats why I said no. He is 24 and said to me, “I want to settle down” and I said, “no way, youre a baby still” and he said, “with you, maybe.” but that was 6 months ago! I think I will give him a week, but I have a feeling if he says yes, the yes will come with some heavy requirements, he is ready to settle down I think.

ninjacolin's avatar

no rules. he’ll call when he calls or he won’t… and you’ll make up your mind about him at that point.

Garebo's avatar

Sounds like you guys are tight, however, two months to see “fam” would make me insecure. I remember being gone for a summer and poof she’s left me for someone new- and we were talking marriage.
So, there is always that to consider, but sounds like he is really into you. I am surprised he hasn’t checked in though to see what’s happ’in with you, I can only speak for myself, I know I would have.
After a week or so of not hearing from him, you should consider whether you really want to waste your time with someone who will probably dismiss you in the future

James_Mal's avatar

well, whatever happens, I do hope that it works out for you. It does sound like he’s interested, so you’ve got that in the bag. Just relax, and take it slow. It needs to be something you both are certainly ready for. Not just an impulsive sort of deal.

Yeah, I hope whatever happens is what you want!

qashqai's avatar

You asked that via sms? Gosh, that’s why I hate mobile phones.

James_Mal's avatar

@qashqai Yeah, I try to avoid using my phone for deeply personal conversation.

funky_princess's avatar

Personally i wouldnt have done it via sms, its so unromantic and i would have waited for the guy to ask me!
I think he if he wants to be in a relationship with you he will respond pretty quickly, how he will respond none of us can say, But then you also need to consider he may not reply straight away if he is busy, i would wait a week, if nothing has been said then i would move on.

Bsteez81's avatar

1) Don’t bring up serious matters via text message. It dumbs down the issue.
2) there are some traditions that have been around for a while for a reason… one of them being a guy pursuing a girl. They enjoy the chase. You laying out all your cards like that takes away the challenge. If he hasn’t responded, he’s prob not interested.
Wait for them to do the asking. Period.

Response moderated (Spam)

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther