General Question

Jude's avatar

After a breakup, do you remember getting to that point to where you were happy just being on your own?

Asked by Jude (32120points) April 26th, 2009

I went through a shitty break-up back in Jan. 2009. About a month ago, I was thinking that I wanted to start dating again (felt that there was a void and wanted to fill it, I guess). But, now I’m enjoying the single life. It’s not because I’m thinking that the whole dating thing will be hard (and I’m dreading it). It’s more that I am comfortable being on my own. In fact, I’m enjoying it and have no plans to change it anytime soon.

I’m wondering what it says about me at this point? What do you think?

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19 Answers

Myndecho's avatar

I haven’t ever been in a proper relationship but I like being single.

casheroo's avatar

That’s good. That’s the best part of a break up, when you finally get to the point of just wanting to be by yourself, not looking for a new a partner..just enjoying being single.

It took me months to get over a man I dated for two years, I’d say it took six months until I realized I was better off without him, so I started dating someone else (but, when I look back on it, I wish my ex and I had tried again…it would have been a less messy break up than with the one guy!)

funky_princess's avatar

Thats great that you can feel comfortable on your own. It says that you are over the relationship and you are enjoying your own company! I was in the same position as you and i loved it! only now i have met someone who i am thinking about starting a relationship with. But youll know when you feel its right to start up a new relationship and the fact that you have felt like this relatively soon after the break up is good.
well done :)

augustlan's avatar

Good for you! I’m glad you’ve reached this point… revel in your singlehood!

Facade's avatar

I was always the one breaking up with people, so I was fine moving on. Then again I’m pretty young so my past relationships meant very little (if you can even call them “relationships”).

qashqai's avatar

I really hope this point arrives soon.

spendiff's avatar

I’m not sure what it says about you, but I think it’s a good thing. The serial monogamists that don’t let go of one relationship until they have another one to jump to don’t really get a chance to get know themselves outside of a relationship. Devote your time to a heady combination of self-improvement and disco-dancing, and by the time you hit the next relationship – you’ll be an ever better catch.

hug_of_war's avatar

After my last boyfriend and I broke-up, it took me a long time to get there, but it felt good And then someone knew walked into my life when I wasn’t looking for anyone at all. I think it says something if a person needs to be with someone to fill a hole in them.

spendiff's avatar

@hug_of_war “Person needs to be with someone to fill a hole in them”. It’s childish, but I just spat my tea across the room when I read that :)

Dog's avatar

Something interesting happened for me when I reached that point a few years back. I was able to actually look at what I wanted in a partner in a clear objective way.

I made a very practical list as a checkpoint for myself so I would not fall into any of the pitfalls I had fallen into in the past.

I was very content being alone and thus when someone came along that met all my criteria (and was hot to boot!) I was not desperate or in a rush. A few years later we married and it is the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in.

Also another benefit to knowing you can be content alone is that you are not willing to allow yourself to be used or mistreated and thus if a relationship turned sour it is easier to do the healthy thing and move on.

Life is best lived when you know that your happiness is not in any way dependent on others. This frees you to truly enjoy relationships.

Jack79's avatar

In 2001 I broke up after a 3-year relationship, during which we lived together in a pretty crammed little room. Yes, when she left I was glad, enjoyed the extra space and not having to clean up after her (she was pretty messy). There were no more bread crumbs in the bed, no noise in the mornings (she had to wake up before me), and overall it was great. But part of my happiness came from the belief that the break up was only temporary and that she’d come back a few days later. Unfortunately she didn’t. I did start feeling lonely a couple of months later, but overall I accepted that the relationship had run its course and remembered the good times, without any bitterness. We learnt to be friends, and have only positive feelings for each other, though neither of us wishes to get back together anymore (she wanted a second chance in 2003 but I didn’t give it to her, and now that’s that).

Being single obviously has its perks. And it always depends on what you value most, but personally I’d rather be in a relationship and have to compromise than be alone (as I am right now). Assuming of course that the relationship is a decent one and is based on trust and respect.

chyna's avatar

@Jack79 Your last paragraph sums it up for me too.

Poser's avatar

Yup. Got there about two years after my marriage ended. Then I met my current GF. I don’t think she and I would be so good together if I’d met her even a few weeks or months earlier. I had to get to that point in my life to appreciate her.

jessicar's avatar

Yeah I got to that point after a relationship. I enjoyed being single for the last year but now I’m kind of longing for the companionship of a mate. Well good luck to you and do whatever feels the best for you at this time.

ru2bz46's avatar

You’re in a good place @jmah. I’m recently separated. I haven’t been single for about 22 years, and I’ve never lived alone before. It’s very refreshing, and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last six months. For one, I’ve learned that I don’t need to date or be married to feel like a whole person anymore. I suppose I’ll hook up again, but I’m certainly not going to rush it.

aviona's avatar

I think I’m getting there now, too (broke up in February).

I (we?) am becoming more self-sufficient. I love being able to do what I want when I want. It sounds semi-selfish, but I believe that I not only have deserved it, but that this time has been necessary for my growth. It’s been wonderful not relying on anyone else’s schedule and just really focusing and worrying about myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe the same is true for you @jmah?

ohmyword's avatar

It’s the best feeling in the world. and it’s mainly there to remind you that one day you will happily love again. But for the time being, it’s great to be in love with yourself!

ru2bz46's avatar

@ohmyword I believe you need to be in love with yourself before you can really love someone else.

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