General Question

aajor's avatar

What happens when you fall in love with your best friend?

Asked by aajor (7points) May 4th, 2009

I’ve known him for a while. I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way. We tell each other everything, play around a lot, act like we don’t care. I can’t help it though. I’ve tried to avoid it for a while now, but I can’t. I am way to big of a wimp to tell him how I feel. I know him, and I know if I told him how I felt he would act weirdly and our friendship would never be the same again. Anyway, that’s all.

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37 Answers

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

You lose your bestfriend. Everything you listed is negative, get over it.

_bob's avatar

Well, you can:

a. Not do anything, see if you get over it.
b. Make a move.

If you make a move, and he doesn’t feel the same way, your friendship might be ruined, or maybe you 2 move past it eventually. If he does feel the same way, and it works out, it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

knitfroggy's avatar

I think you should wait it out and see if you get over it. If you tell him it might make him feel weird if he doesn’t feel the same way and that could ruin the good thing you’ve got going.

bright_eyes00's avatar

you just have to ask yourself “is it worth losing him in my life entirely?” if you think there is a shot and that he might feel the same way about you then talk to him about it. if you think he would run for the hills then move on. rock and hard place hun, it sucks but c’est la vie.

SeventhSense's avatar

You either lose a best friend and gain a lover or just lose a best friend.

cwilbur's avatar

If you are sure he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, you learn how to quash your feelings and get over it. If you fail at that, then you lose a best friend.

DesireeCassandra's avatar

You can either tell him, take the risk and see what happens, or you can spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you told him.

I am a hopeless romantic, so I would tell him. Who knows, it might turn out to be a great relationship because you guys are so close and know so much about each other! Also, if you’re friendship is strong enough you can stay friends if it doesn’t work out for some reason.

Randy's avatar

Your best friend? One word, T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Trust me.

Bluefreedom's avatar

It sounds like you might have a crush on your best friend besides being in love with him and it is called a ‘crush’ because it is difficult when you feel that way but the other person might not have the same feelings.

You mentioned that you can’t avoid it but at the same time you can’t tell him how you feel. These circumstances have the potential to create difficult and painful feelings for you the longer they go without intervention on your part. If you choose to completely forgo talking to him about any of this, you’re going to have to work it out within yourself on how to block out the feelings you have, find distractions to take your mind off of them, or work on diminishing them over time so that they don’t continue to cause you grief.

It might be best for your own piece of mind (and happiness) if you just sit down with him, have a heart to heart talk, and let him know how you feel. There is the possibility it would change your friendship, like you mentioned, but that’s a risk you’d have to take. If he is a true friend and an understanding one, even if his feelings don’t match yours, he won’t let it harm your friendship, hopefully. If your revelations to him do cause him to have a negative opinion of you and the friendship, then he might not be as great of a friend that you’ve always thought.

ems's avatar

It seems overly dramatic to think you would lose a best friend. If he doesn’t feel the same way it’s likely he would be flattered, then hope you two can get back to normal.

The smartest thing to do is to both get loaded and act irresponsibly. ;)

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If you two have been close enough friends to also be confidants then it’s pretty likely he’s picked up on your attraction and doesn’t want to act on it. He could change his mind in the future, sure but it’s not worth making your friendship awkward by pushing. Leave the ball in his court.

ru2bz46's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence makes a lot of sense, but your friend also could have realized earlier in your relationship that he was placed into the “friend zone” and has turned off any recognition of your attraction. He may be attracted to you as well, but doesn’t want to do anything to spoil your friendship.

SeventhSense's avatar

Try it sometime. You can’t cross that line without it changing both people.

discover's avatar

Why don’t you drop some hints by asking, “do you have anyone in your life?”, “do you have a crush on anyone” etc. Hopefully he may react in a positive or negative way which will give you an idea what he is up to

Bagardbilla's avatar

Maybe he’s feeling the same things, and is just afraid of losing the friendship. Perhaps you can have a grilfriend ask him in passing, “hey, you two get along so well, why don’t you date”? Or something of the sort…
If it does happen, it’ll be the most wonderful thing!

ems's avatar

True. But you can’t always play it safe with life.

oratio's avatar

Yes, the most wonderful things in life is free, but only come out of taking risks. You have to chose what matters most. Your friendship or your love for him.

Triiiple's avatar

Dont lose your best friend…it sucks to think back of the times when you had em around.

qualitycontrol's avatar

I’ve done this plenty of times to girls who were my good friends. So far, I’ve lost all of them but it was much better than hanging out with them as friends dying to give her a peck on the cheek.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Like a wise man once said, you’ll never find the undiscovered country if you are afraid to lose sight of the shore.

Life is about risks, and if you don’t take em, you’ll never find out the truth. I’d take it slow, and follow the advice of the people who answered before me. They have some good insights.

SeventhSense's avatar

..yes but neither can you assume you won’t lose a friend. If it works, great, but you can’t go back to a platonic relationship afterwards. It’s too awkward. It never works.

dynamicduo's avatar

Nothing good, especially when he doesn’t feel that way. Try finding someone else to take your mind off of them.

Mexicanamerican's avatar

This happened to me as well, I couldn’t stand it so I told her my feelings for her, she cried, she didn’t feel the same. Our friendship did change it’s silly to think it won’t. I changed because I was head over heels for her and being next to her was torture. So I distance myself from her. She changed as well she watched what she said and acted around me. I told her not too, it’s not like she lead me on or something we were really good friends, thinking back she was probably the best friend I’ve ever had. Do I regret confessing my love for her depends on the type of day I’m having like today I miss the heck out of her. We still talk but we are really distant from what we once were. It didn’t turn out like I wanted, but it might for you who knows. I hope this helps a bit.

SeventhSense's avatar

The smartest thing to do is to both get loaded and act irresponsibly. least then you can blame it on the night if it doesn’t go well and go back to normal. :)

ems's avatar

@SeventhSense It really depends on how you handle the situation. Professing your love to a friend or spilling your feelings is hugely different than showing a little interest.

If a friend sat me down out of no where for a serious talk like that. It would be awkward and terrible. It’s best to ease into these sorts of things. Get control of the emotions and feel it out for a while.

ru2bz46's avatar

@SeventhSense Sometimes, you can successfully go back to a platonic friendship. I married my best friend 20 years ago. We divorced after six years, and have remained best friends since.

SeventhSense's avatar

Well you passed the test and had a commited relationship and then went back to friendship. That’s different than not making the transition succesfully and then trying to go back.

ru2bz46's avatar

@SeventhSense Point made and understood.

dontbreakmyheartx's avatar

I know exactly how you feel if i’m completely honest, I’ve fallen inlove with my best friend and I was in the same sort of situation as you are now. I didn’t know whether to risk everything and tell him how much I liked him because I was so scared things wouldn’t be the same and that he wouldn’t like me like that. I decided to take the risk and tell him though, It’s kind of looking up a bit for me so maybe you’ll be just as lucky. If your best friend really cared about you he wouldn’t let you liking him get in the way of your friendship. It’s entirely your decision when you think about it but if you feel like he may like you the same way then its worth telling him. Like I said if he cared about you and you meant just as much as he does to you then he wouldn’t let it get in the way. good luck x

ledzep's avatar

I have gone through this feeling. I was in love with this girl who was a very close friend to me and it lasted for almost two years before one day i finally decided that i would confess my love for her rather than just sit down and wait for something to happen. I really did not know what feeling she had for me as for love goes. I sent her a mail telling that i really had feelings for her and i liked her a lot. Her reply was that she has never seen me in that manner and nor will she ever she me in that way. This really hurt me because i really cared for her and i was like crazy but i dont regret that i confessed my love because it was better than just keeping it in your mind and making your own conclusions. She told it was really weird and she did not know how to reply. After that day we stopped talking for a while. I actullay tried to forget her and i was able for a month but after that i started feeling lonely so i thought that i would just be a friend atleast and talk to her which would not make me so lonely either. But now we are friends just like before but she replied to me the second time after a month because she told me again that after what i had said earlier she was finding it weird to reply. Now we are back to what we are before….and still have some feelings for her which i think will last in my heart forever but i ll try to move on with life…coz thats what life is all about right???

Margo's avatar

I know what you mean. I was going out with a guy I really liked, and I got to know his best friend really well. My boyfriend’s best friend was pretty amazing: he could play piano, guitar, and drums. He did really well in school. His house was cozy and nice, his family was great, he was popular, he was very athletic, and he was attractive. He quickly became one of my really good friends. Since I had a boyfriend, I didn’t feel like I had to impress him, so I acted my complete self around him. My boyfriend and I dated for close to 10 months. When we broke up, we mutually decided it had been too long and to this day we’re still close. But as soon as we broke up, I felt this freedom I had never felt before. The freedom to be in love with other people. For some reason, my love for my best friend wasn’t really a friendship love anymore. I loved him. I knew there was no way I could tell him, and how could I do that to my ex-boyfriend?
One day, me and three other close friends of mine (including my best friend) tried to all fit into my twin-sized bed just for jokes. I was pressed against my best friend. At first I thought it would be really awkward, so I tried to stay my distance. My hands were under the covers, and I could feel his fingers twirl through mine. My heart raced one million miles faster and butterflies were jumping in my stomach. Was this happening? Had he felt this same way the entire time as well?
We hung out every single day since then. This whole time we’ve been keeping our relationship secret. I’ll go over to his house and wake him up, and we’ll lie in his bed and talk, and be best friends who are in love.
This all happened in the course of one week. I am still stuck in the middle of this. I have no idea what to do, because I love him but I’m afraid we’ll grow apart. He could get any girl he wants, and that scares me. I don’t want to be in love.
I have absolutely no idea what to do.

tootoosmith's avatar

don’t listen to u can lose your bestfriend

i dated my bestfriend and broke up with him because i was scared but he didn’t know and after we ar closer than ever.but i still love him lol.if he is really your friend yall can still b friends


i_know_a_lot_wow's avatar

just ask him if he says no say u were bet or joking around trust me worked 4 my girlfriend.
if he says yes dont mess up!!! you never know… well actually sumtimes u do. so ask him

lonelyboy44's avatar

I’m in middle school and I like this girl, she cute and listens to me. But right now near the end of the year I seem to have a feeling that I feel real close to my best friend who is older than me by 1 year and is taller… I feel weird about it cause if i tell her how i feel i will lose a best friend, i suggest u dont tell him. If you dont know if he feels the same its best u nevr know. Otherwise you’ll lose ur best friend and never be happy, enjoy what u have now, he might be the one to tell you.

lonelyboy44's avatar

tootoosmith is pretty right, if he is ur best friend he wont stop being friends:)

mYcHeMiCaLrOmAnCe's avatar

you are happy, if your best friend feels tha same way, or, you are sad and hate your life, if your friend turns you down

it’s simple.

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