If you make it to Heaven, what are some of the questions you would ask God?

why is there so much hurt in the world?
and
how do you decide who it goes to?

If this is Heaven, why am I in a Handbasket?

I’d ask him why he took my grandpa away so soon when he knew how much we’d miss him..
):

What were you thinking!!!???

Boxers or briefs?

Why is there no space in heaven for people who aren’t Christian?

my two questions would (maybe) be:
– “Is the Bible description of you true ?”
– if the answer is “Yes”, “Why are you such a genocidal, wrathful, vengeful, infanticidal, megalomaniacal asshole, and why am i here in heaven then ?”
– if the answer is “No”, “Then describe how you really are.”

Before or after I punch her in the mouth?

@The_Compassionate_Heretic And the Jews. God cut’s them some slack.

I would ask It for what purpose It would end the existence of the world, the universe and all life.

First, I would apologize on behalf of humanity for us being such a sorry ass bunch of greedy, slaughtering barbarians who create such misery for one another. I assume that if I am face to face with God a lot of the stuff that baffles and disturbs me will have already become clear.

Let’s say that there was a God (even)?

“Why was I so tested???”
“Couldn’t you have eased off… just a bit? Dude, three consecutive years without chaos would have been nice, you know…God?

Where the fuck have you been?

@The_Compassionate_Heretic That there is no space in heaven, or whatever you want to call, for people who aren’t Christians isn’t God’s plan, not God’s, it’s nonsense perpetrated by Christians.

Can I spend my days here in Heaven on a pontoon with an endless supply of beer and bait?

@jonsblond God says yes.

@lillycoyote :D join me!

@jonsblond Are we bass fishing? I’m up for that. Thanks for the invite. And along with the endless supply of beer and bait God promises that your hook will never get caught on anything that isn’t a fish. It’s heaven, after all.

@lillycoyote I’m determined to catch a Muskie but a delicious bass will do. :)

Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 and hot dog buns come in packs of 8?

Well, I guarantee you that I won’t make it to Heaven. First there’s that whole apostasy, unforgivable sin thing. Second, it doesn’t exist, as far as I can tell.

But, if somehow I found myself in an audience with the god of the Bible, I would ask why an omnipotent being such as his godliness would have the need to be worshiped. Omnipotence and need seem to be mutually exclusive concepts.

Why did you kill all those people? How am I not more moral than you?

You still here? You could have fooled me…

How can you walk on clouds that have been scientifically proven to be made of nothing but water vapor?

How’d you get that escalator up here?

I would ask him how does he decide whats “good” and whats “bad” behavior, and I would also demand an explanation for all the crappy things that happened to me.

Where did you put my husband?

Dude, can you introduce me to Monica Bellucci?

So, um… I guess I was wrong, huh? Is that, uh, a dealbreaker?

“God, was Lee Harvey Oswald a lone shooter or was there a conspiracy? And while we’re on the subject, what really happened on the Grassy Knoll?”

1) Why do you play dice with the Universe?
2) I’m new to Heaven, where’s the Albert Einstein residence?
3) Osama bin Laden has been denied entrance, correct?

What were you thinking when you thought up the platapus?

1. Who designed feet to look like that?
2. What kind of a way is that to run a reproductive system?
3. What does Queen Elizabeth carry in her purse?
4. Can I see some ID?

First of all, 99% of all the questions people are asking should be directed to the devil, not God.

God does not not control everybody on Earth like puppets. He lets us live our lives however we want. The circumstances in which that life is lived is purely a consequence of how others before them and around them have chosen to live their lives. The fact that bad things can happen to us is what makes our existence different than that of angels and even God himself.

We have a choice. And so does everybody else. We all have to live with these choices, whether we like them or not.

“When you have sex, do you go all ‘Say my name, say it!’?”

@pikipupiba You believe in a physical devil, huh?

@oratio I dont believe in a devil that one can touch, but i do believe in a devil who can alter minds through temptation and lead an otherwise good person astray.

@oratio Just like any other demon.

What was the point of all this?