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emmy23's avatar

What would be the best way to handle a situation in where I hate the guy my best friend is dating?

Asked by emmy23 (256points) May 26th, 2009

Ok so me and this guy met and we really hit off. We both liked each other..until I introduced him to my best friend and then they fell for each other. I was really hurt at first but we all managed to become really good friends. But then things started to go down hill. Me and the guy started arguing all the time over everything. He would always get mad at me. Me and my best friend also started arguing alot because of all the problems. So finally me and this guy decided to not be friends and to never talk again. This is causing alot of problems between me and my best friend and it also hurts to lose him as a friend. What should I do? Any advice would be great..

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15 Answers

shrubbery's avatar

Don’t stress. It’ll all turn out ok. If she really is your best friend, you guys should be able to work it out. Just tell her that even though you are having troubles with this guy you will always be there for her and you don’t want it to get between you. All you can do is try your best to keep being her best friend regardless of the boy. Or you can just try and get over your problems with the boy. Then it’s up to her and him. a) she can decide that she can still be best friends with you and go out with the guy, and it’s up to her to work out how she can manage this, b) she can decide that she won’t be able to be ok with you and the guy at the same time, and then from there either she will decide the guy is not worth it and she values your friendship more, or c) she’ll pick the guy. if the latter is the case, she wasn’t worth having as a friend anyway. orrrrr d) after viewing your efforts to be friends with him for your best friends sake, the guy will get over his problems and you will all be friends and everything will be hunky dory. hope it’s the last option. good luck xx

Judi's avatar

Time to give your friend some space. Eventually she may dump the guy and come back around, or this may just be one of those friendships that dwindle and you get together in 20 years to reminisce. Either way, you don’t want to create bad blood that won’t let the relationship heal long after the guy is history.

MrGV's avatar

…..I sense jealousy among you guys.

veronasgirl's avatar

I agree with @Judi give your friend a little space. Even if you argue with her everyday about this guy, you can’t force her to break up with him, she is going to do what she wants. Don’t make yourself into the “bad guy”, be the supportive friend. You’ve made it clear to her that you don’t like him, now just be there for her, he is not a factor in the friendship between the two of you unless you make him one.

cwilbur's avatar

Develop other friends.

basp's avatar

I’m with judi on this one too. Put some distance between you and them for a while.

dannyc's avatar

Hate is a very strong word. Maybe give this guy another chance. Sometimes perceptions of people turn out to be totally wrong.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Don’t hang out with the person.

autumn43's avatar

I lost a couple of good friends because I didn’t get along with/like their boyfriends. One married the dope and the other realized what a loser hers was. Either way, I wasn’t the important one at the moment – the S.O. was. When I realized that, I moved on and made other friends (who were not so superficial that they couldn’t have a relationship with their S.O. AND a friend – even if it meant going out and doing things separately.) Being in love with someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them 24 hours a day. Having friends is important. Hopefully your friend will see that and still want to hang with you, and maybe you and the guy will come around after some time and space.

VS's avatar

Give them space and everything will work out ok. You cannot force a resolution to this situation. She will either realize that your friendship is more valuable or she will choose him over you. Either way, it will be ok.

dynamicduo's avatar

Can we say love triangle? Well, until he broke it off with you that is. There’s not much you should do or can do beyond hanging out with other friends and living your own life.

hug_of_war's avatar

I just think if you’re best friends, you support each other even if you don’t like their partner. I think you only hate him because he “chose” her though.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I don’t know what you can do but I will tell you what you shouldn’t do. From experience. Don’t let it get between your friendship. And do not have an opinion when it comes to the relationship. Even if your friend harps on the guy and is about to break up with him, don’t join her. It is a quick way to lose a friend.

justwannaknow's avatar

You are still in love with him and can not admit it. Dump them both and get a new friend. If time heals the wounds then get your friend back. Tell her why you are moving on.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

can’t you and your friend hang out once in awhile without the boyfriend there? be civil to him when he’s around, but avoid him if you can. no reason to lose a friendship just because you have a problem with her boyfriend. they’ll break up eventually anyway, most likely.

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