General Question

Roughdraft76's avatar

Do you think strippers can be faithful and honest in a relationship?

Asked by Roughdraft76 (219points) May 26th, 2009 from iPhone

My bff is dating a stripper.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

40 Answers

trumi's avatar

Absolutely. I don’t think the job title of “stripper” instantly negates morality. A prostitute is probably not going to be a quality partner, but I think that it would vary on case by case basis for “exotic dancers.”

timeand_distance's avatar

LOL yes.
they’re people!

Aethelwine's avatar

Can politicians? hmmm…

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I don’t see why not though dating a stripper has it’s pitfalls.
Anyone who dates a stripper has to be ok their partner shoving their private bits in the face of drooling sleazy people for small bills.

I would choose not to date a stripper.

Guys, imagine your boss getting a lap dance from your girlfriend and getting so excited he orgasms on her. Are you ok with that?

hug_of_war's avatar

I’m sure some can…but I won’t be taking any chances there

justwannaknow's avatar

Yes, It is just a job for them.

dannyc's avatar

Well, it is a bit of a different kind of job to say the least. At least here in Canada it has gone well beyond the norm of just removing clothes into the realm of lap dancing, fondling, etc.. In that case, any male would have a strong objection to his girlfriend stripping, making the relationship pretty difficult. It would really depend on to what extent and how would define such activities as faithfulness . I would imagine each stripper would have a different interpretation.

purpose's avatar

Of course. They dance and shake it. It’s a job.

Darwin's avatar

It really depends on the stripper. I know one who strips (ie dances) only, and does not “take private clients” or do lap dances. She makes more money than when she was a bartender. She uses her non-work time to write plays and screenplays, hoping for a big break.

I knew another who ended up married to the man who became the chief of police in a small Florida town. They went on to have several children together (one of whom was a friend of mine) and have been married somewhere around 25 years.

OTOH there are strippers that will do a wide array of things. Often that is because they use drugs or because they despise themselves and figure whatever earns the big bucks is worth doing.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I think being a stripper does speak volumes about your self-respect, and I believe you can’t respect someone else if you don’t respect yourself. If you don’t respect others, you likely will stray…

Buttonstc's avatar

Well your question is really twofold——faithful and honest and I’ll address them separately.

Can she be faithful, yes, as much as any other woman.

As far as the word honest is concerned, that presents a different problem. If you are limiting the question to factual honesty in terms of not having an affair behind your back and lying to your face about it then Thecsame principle applies.

But what about the emotional honesty required for any long term relationship or marriage to grow and flourish. Thatscacwhole different problem. There probably are some rare exceptions but you have to realize that she makes her living by sexual deception to put it bluntly. And the better she is about “faking it” the more successful she will be and the more money she will make.

In order to succeed in that environment she must constantly keep up that invisible wall that enables her to survive. She cannot be emotionally intimate or real in her dealings with her customers or it would make her too vulnerable and interfere with her ability to do her job effectively.

That type of emotional disconnect is a very difficult habit to break. It doesn’t bode well for true intimacy.

Just something to ponder.

Facade's avatar

I don’t know that a stripper would want to be faithful in a relationship. The person spends their days showing strangers with money their bodies. I don’t see how that correlates with being true to one person.

wildpotato's avatar

@Buttonstc How is it “sexual deception” if both the dancer and the client know that there is no emotional involvement? One of my good friends in college was a dancer for awhile and to her it was a good way to make some cash, and I never thought she acted emotionally disconnected when not at the club, or even when interacting with me and not guests in the club. She’s in an awesome longterm relationship right now.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

They probably can, but I would not date someone who was comfortable with shoving their most private parts in others’ faces. My SO’s private parts are to be private, and for my access only.

Jack79's avatar

yes, they can.

whether they are, is a different story.

mrwhoopie's avatar

I have had lived with and dated strippers 3 times. It is very hard to do for the man. You have to be very trusting and able to look away. Also 95% of them have low self esteem, daddy issues or drug problems.I would advise your friend to hold on and enjoy the ride. It is an experience but it probably won’t last.However if he wants to stay in the loop it opens up the door for dating other strippers.

dynamicduo's avatar

Why would you think that strippers are prone to be less trustworthy or less faithful? You do know that most strippers do NOT have sex with their clients, right?

Buttonstc's avatar

@dynamicduo I’m so glad you said that because it illustrates perfectly my previous point about deception and emotional honesty difficulties. No, they don’t usually have sex with their clients but in order for them to make good money they have to do everything in their power to convince these guys that they find them soooo sexually attractive and if it were’nt for these silly little rules “I would like nothing better than to jump your bones because you are sooo sexy and attractive and you are such a turn on for me…..” etc. etc. and the beat goes on. And the more he is able to suspend disbelief by her actions and attitudes, the more money she makes. Yes, granted they are both exploiting each other but one can’t deny that it is sexual deception.

@wildpotato Mind you, I’m not saying that they don’t have a right to do this or anything, but just stating the reality of it..

I have no doubt that what you say about your friend is true, but she is definitely ATYPICAL as she did this for a brief time with clearly defined goals in mind and then got out and left it behind. The exception that proves the rule, if you will.

The old saying about “it’s hard to get a stripper off the pole” exists for a good reason. For the majority of these women it is not a temporary thing at all and as has been previously pointed out by others, most of these women are emotionally damaged goods in one way or another and/or drug addicts . For someone with low self esteem, there can be something intoxicating about the “power” they can wield over men when their testosterone fueled sex drive combined with alcohol prompts them to fork over money. But that’s an illusory quick fix for long standing problems.

I have a question for you——absent the huge sums of money to be made do you think that most of these women would be doing this? I think the answer is obvious.

I think that over time it takes a tremendous toll on a woman inwardly to do this night after night. She has to stifle her natural instincts on a regular basis and how much she earns is directly related to her skill to deceive. If some drunken, slobbering, sleazy guy in a bar starts hitting on you and tries to paw you, you are free to use your natural instincts to give him a swift kick in the———- But strippers have to constantly act as if they are delighted and find even the most unattractive guy the biggest turn on in the universe.. They have to act as if they are flattered to be treated as ONLY a sex object (if they want to make decent tips, that is)

For her own emotional protection, she has to learn to put up a wall. Thats why they all have different names from their own—an alternate identity. The longer your do this, the more difficult it is to just drop it at will. Can some do it——yes, but they are few..

If I were a guy involved in a relationship with a stripper, I would constantly have in the back of my mind whether whatever compliments she gave me or positive sexual reactions were real or just force of habit. When is she faking it and when is it real.

Any long term relationship eventually requires an investment of emotional honesty and willingness to be vulnerable on the part of both people if it is to survive. Even if she intends to be emotionally honest, is she capable of it?

Thats why I made a distinction between factual honesty (as in not cheating) and emotional honesty. I think its something that any guy involved with a stripper (or any sex worker) should be aware of. Most strippers aren’t Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman and happy endings are harder to come by in real life.

Do they happen sometimes? Absolutely, as others have recounted. Are they the norm? One would have to be seriously delusional to think so.If the guy is going to pursue this it should be with his eyes wide open. If he is expecting to find the future Mother of his children, a strip bar is not exactly what they call a “target-rich environment.” If he just wants to date a hot looking chick for awhile, that’s a different story. It all depends on what expectations are.

Likeradar's avatar

It would depend on the definition of faithful. If rubbing your boobs in a guy’s face is considered unfaithful, then no. If it’s actual sex and emotional faithfulness, then absolutely.

elijah's avatar

I bartended in two different strip clubs, for many many years. Here is my point of view- I’m sure it is possible for a girl to be trustworthy and honest in a relationship, depending on what the boundries of that relationship are. If the boyfriend has no problem with his nude girlfriend climbing on top of dirty sweaty dudes all night, and he doesn’t care about her showing everything she’s got for money, and he doesn’t mind strangers groping her, then it’s all good. A successful stripper is not a clean girl. There is no way in hell a man will choose to give his money to a girl who follows the rules when 30 other girls give “extras” for the same price. The bouncers get tipped to look the other way. These girls who want to make good money are pigs. And if you think the “client” always knows it’s a buisness transaction you are wrong. These girls have sucker radar. They find the loneliest guys, lead them on (oh I’m so glad your here, I didn’t want to spend time with those other guys) and take every penny they can. These guys become their regulars and this can go on for years. None of these girls are completely honest about what they do, they all claim to be the honest stripper just trying to pay their way through college. It’s bullshit. Any man that would be ok letting his girl do this isn’t a boyfriend, he is a pimp.

dannyc's avatar

@elijah I tend to agree, as I have heard stories about how this business is heading. My small business actually did some marketing work (graphics) a while back for a couple of clubs but we quickly found it to be a bad fit for us. The owners acted respectable but were anything but, and seemed to treat their employees like crap. From my conversations they seemed to be breaking every employee standards rule in the book. I think there may be exceptions but your point seems to validate what I surmised.

wildpotato's avatar

@Buttonstc 1) I have never heard that saying. 2) being emotionally scarred and addicted to drugs does not necessarily entail having low self esteem. 3) in my town, and in many other small, more conservative places, there is a no-touching rule. And if a club wants to offer full nudity they couldn’t serve alcohol. If some nasty dude pawed my friend she could certainly kick him. He’d also get thrown out of the club. 3) the reason my friend left the business is not because she fulfilled a goal but because someone slipped her a roofie and she no longer felt safe in the workplace. 4) would anyone do their job if they weren’t compensated? 5) the alternate name is for anonymity. I don’t doubt that some may find it useful as a heading for a new identity, but this is hardly an exclusive result. My friend did not treat it this way.

You seem to be making a lot of unwarranted generalizations. Not all dancing is done by Vegas rules, and not all dancers have the same take on it. They are not exceptions that prove your rule.

elijah's avatar

@wildpotato no one is saying all strippers are exactly the same. The saying about getting a stripper off a pole is very true. Most girls who make thousands stripping will never take a regular job. Almost all clubs have a no touching policy. It’s not enforced when money comes into play. Unless you go to work with your friend or have ever personally worked in a strip club, you have no idea what happens there. The difference between fully nude and not nude (where alcohol is served) is about one square inch of material that barely covers a girls parts. Some places use pasties which is just a sticker on a nipple. There is not much difference between fully nude and topless.

wildpotato's avatar

@elijah I did spend a good deal of time in the club, preparing to work as a dancer. I didn’t in the end because I didn’t want to invest in a new wardrobe and because this was about the time my friend got roofied. I had a very good idea of what happened there. To me there is a big difference between fully nude and topless, and I think many other women feel the same way.

A regular job? How is your job all that different? If you are a blue collar worker you trade on your body, if you are white collar you trade on your mind. The sexual nature of the trade for dancers is not enough to make it completely different in kind from how anyone else sells themselves.

elijah's avatar

@wildpotato By regular job I mean a 40+ hour a week, around $10 and hour (shit even $20 an hour wouldn’t compare) job. I’m sorry but spending a couple hours/days/weeks “preparing” to be a stripper only shows you the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, I can’t see what you need to learn to be a stripper besides how to walk in the shoes. I’m not a hater, I don’t see a problem with a girl being naked (or close to) on a stage to make money. I think it’s beautiful and erotic. The problem I have is that I know for a fact strippers don’t make the majority of their money on stage, the money is in the back room. I’m not going to argue with you back and forth, you will not convince me on something I am an expert at.

wildpotato's avatar

I applaud you for at least proclaiming your close-mindedness out loud. Shows a certain level of self-awareness. The real question then is why someone would realize this about themselves and choose to not work on their shortcoming. If you have a lot of knowledge about any subject you also ought to know that there is never an upper limit. You are a great example of why this site is beginning to seem like a total waste of my time, you guys seem to just like to argue without actually trying to learn from what others say. How can you just dismiss the fact that someone else has different experience than you do, and therefore is likely to possess knowledge you don’t already have, especially on a website that is supposedly dedicated to celebration of different experiences?

elijah's avatar

Grow up. No need to throw a temper tantrum. I didn’t attack you in any way. I’m not close minded, I’m telling you what I’ve experienced hundreds and hundreds of times compared to what you’ve barely experienced. I specifically said not every stripper is exactly the same.

wildpotato's avatar

@elijah I answered your point about how you can’t understand the nature of the business unless I have gone to work with my friend. You then said that such experience that I do possess in having gone to work with my friend was superficial. That is contradictory to your own proposed qualification of knowledge, and indicates to me that you are grasping at straws merely in order to prove your superior knowledge. I never debated that you have more experience than I do. My point remains – you have had a different experience than I have had, and you are apparently unwilling to accept that there is a possibility that that experience has taught me things you don’t know. You essentially used your position of superior knowledge to say that my experience counts for nothing. This is an attack.

Grow up? The essence of maturity is not, as you are presumably accusing me of not doing, being able to take the abuse of others without protest. It is being able to see that you are not the end-all-be-all of existence. I can see how with your bartending and “street smarts” you might feel that your opinion on this question is the final word. But know that this does in fact indicate immaturity on your part, and is pretty much the definition of close-mindedness.

elijah's avatar

Ok fine. I’m wrong. Your friend is a special stripper. You would of been a special stripper. Your club would have been special too. Even though ive never seen it in over ten years, you three (stripper, almost stripper, and club) happen to all be exceptions to the rule.
You’ve got to be kidding me. I never said your experience didn’t count, I said it was not enough to know the entire story. If anyone is close minded it is you, since you are unable to see or understand that about 95% of strippers fall into the description I gave. I’m done, because honestly I don’t really give a shit one way or another about strippers lives. I never said my opinion was the final word. I’m smart enough to know there are exceptions to every rule. I’m speaking about the vast majority.

wildpotato's avatar

@elijah I agree, my experience is not enough to show the entire story. My point is that neither is yours. Here is exactly how you said your opinion is the final word: “you will not convince me on something I am an expert at.”

elijah's avatar

Fine, obviously “expert” wasn’t the right way to phrase it. The point I was trying to get across is that I have lots of experience in the industry.

cak's avatar

@Buttonstc – sexual deception. Interesting. You do realize that it is the “acting” parting of the job. They are acting like they want the men (or women) in the club. Just like “actors” act. Do you call what actors do emotional deception or mental deception? It just seems very odd your choice of words that you are using in our description.

Sure, there are strippers that can be completely faithful, sure there are some that cheat. Just like there are Librarians that are faithful and Librarians that cheat. There are teachers that are faithful and teachers that cheat. It’s not the job title that determines whether or not someone is going to cheat.

mrwhoopie's avatar

@elijah You are 100% right. The big Difference is their boyfriends were never clients and their clients are never true boyfriends

elijah's avatar

@mrwhoopie there’s something wrong with a man that considers a stripper a quality catch. Most of the strippers boyfriends I have met have been douchbags with low self esteem who think bagging a stripper is a status symbol. It isn’t. I’m not saying you are, I’m saying from my experience this description fits most of the men.

mrwhoopie's avatar

@elijah. I agree! Most men consider it a quality catch till the reality hits them. Then the fun stops.There are 2 types here. The lonley shy client that enjoys the attention while it lasts and the douchbag boyfriend that is using her as much as she is using the client“boyfriend”.

dutchbrossis's avatar

No strippers are very able to be faithful and honest, if their boyfriend is open minded enough with a decent self esteem he will be fine with it. He should also make it very clear to her that she can be open with him and honest about everything

dutchbrossis's avatar

@elijah Where were the strip clubs that you worked at ?

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Exitor98's avatar

If you don’t mind kissing an ash tray that also is a cum reservoir, paying to support a drug habit and contracting STDs on a continuous basis then go for it. But you’ll have to realize that when she gets knocked up you’ll need a DNA test to make sure the baby is or isn’t yours. The last thing you you need is to be paying to support a child that isn’t yours. And then if the baby isn’t yours and you decide to adopt it you’ll have to contend the scum bag bio dad wanting custody. And the baby sure as hell doesn’t need to be raised by a stripper posing as a mother.
As far as a stripper being faithful is concerned they’re like any woman; the ability or desire to be faithful simply doesn’t exist. For most women a relationship is only a means to an end with the end being getting out of poverty, having to work and being able to afford a luxury lifestyle.

So as you can see there are many factors to consider. And before some self-appointed women’s rights activist comes along and criticizes me what I said please keep this in mind; A stripper chooses to be a stripper.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@Exitor98 You have a very grim assessment of women. I wonder if you need to meet some better examples, if you think that women are interested in money and luxury, rather than a relationship.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther