General Question

WhatThaF's avatar

Should I keep the rich guy or drop him?

Asked by WhatThaF (168points) June 3rd, 2009 from iPhone

I’ve been interested in this guy, who supposedly is rich by the way he complains about cheap ppl, buys brand names, rides a nice motorcycle, coming from a nice rich family in NY, plays golf for some classy golf club, and etc. (I guess that’s what rich is?) anyway, He seems like the perfect guy because he really knows what he wants. I dont mind his pickiness about some things because I can actually agree to some. its just this one thing—Money. whether I said I got something on Sale or told him a FUNNY story about my broke friends.. He tells me “stop bein cheap, it doesn’t look good”—all SERIOUSLY. From time to time I’ve stopped talkin about money with him b/c it gets us nowhere in the conversation—it usually just ends. he’s perfect, to me, everywhere else.. its just the money part. Money seems to mean a lot to him. I’m rly not as rich as he nor am I obsessed for brand names like him
So should I still see this guy or not? Can ppl really go psycho with money?

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36 Answers

Darwin's avatar

If you like him otherwise, quit talking to him about money. He may feel as if you are a golddigger when you do. In addition, you say he “supposedly is rich.” Why does his economic status matter? If you really like him money shouldn’t enter into the conversation at all.

He sounds too status conscious for me, though. I prefer folks who don’t flaunt wealth, whether real or pretend.

asmonet's avatar

Sounds a bit elitist, but if you like him…. go for it.
It would bother me too much, personally. I can’t stand when people focus on brand names or expensive things.

cak's avatar

He sounds a bit shallow. I’m not sure how old you are, or how old he is. There is a difference in whether he has money or whether his parents have money.

Buying brand names, thinking that buying things on sale is a bad thing…shallow. Not a winner to me, but hey – if that is your style. Go for it, just never mention money, or expect him to like your “broke” friends.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

it just doesnt sound good to me

LKidKyle1985's avatar

yeah i pride myself on how much money i save on awesome deals. I would have a hard time hanging with a guy like that. Plus I am always weary of people who take material things so seriously, but thats me.

WhatThaF's avatar

I’ve always accepted him for who he is. he’s goal oriented and disciplines himself.i just find myself rolling my eyes every time he talks materialistically.. and his mother is such a nice lady. it Looks like she raised him right. I just dont know where his obsession with money comes from honestly.

Darwin's avatar

Most of the people I know who are obsessed with money generally don’t have much but want you to think they do.

asmonet's avatar


I also worry about his priorities, and for that matter his common sense. Anyone who judges someone for financially sound decisions is pretty whacked in the head.

Jeruba's avatar

If two people differ drastically in their relationship to money, I don’t predict much of a future for them. Few issues are likelier to divide a couple.

cak's avatar

@WhatThaF – I want to apologize for my sharp reaction. I guess I have a thing with this that I need to resolve…an ex-husband. He was only happy with designer labels; however, he wasn’t always that way. When we first were together, we could only afford a used couch from a thrift store, then after a few years, we both started making decent money. Then better money…then he really started liking designer things. I’ve always been the bargain shopper. It really was a problem for the two of us.

His self-esteem was always a bit low and to make himself feel better, wanted the best of everything. He was only happy when he was wearing the best and could say he had the best of whatever it was…it was bad.

To me, materialism is usually a sign of a low self-esteem and a need to fill that emptiness.

Again, I’m sorry that I was so strong in my response.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

You can’t appreciate having money until you’ve lived without it for a while.

Unfortunately, he will never understand that.

If you can live with that aspect of him (nobodies perfect afterall), then go for it.

At the very least I would suggest sticking with it for now and giving the guy a shot.

susanc's avatar

Sorry to say, Jeruba’s right about this.

How about if you ask him to talk with you about it? You probably have a good reason
for starting here – but we can’t solve this. You know that.

It’s interesting that his mother is such a nice lady and raised him right – his fear of “cheapness’ must be something he chose on his own. So, ask. And tell us what happens next.

loser's avatar

You didn’t mention anything about love or even like. I say you should probably lose him.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

People who are arrogant about ‘cheap people’ are never satisfied with what they have – including you. Unless he can lose his arrogance, and realise that ‘looking good’ isn’t worth the smallest fraction of your time, you will probably go out of fashion quite quickly.

Be aware, such people often appear to be perfect, because they practice appearing to be perfect. I don’t mean to dash your hopes, and maybe I’ve misjudged and he is the right guy, but from what you’ve said he sounds like he is arrogant and overly opinionated.

Dog's avatar

I have been thinking about this question for a long time before answering because I was trying to get into the head of this guy.

He values status above all else: money and labels are how he defines himself as a man. Status means he is superior to those who do not or can not spend money.
It is not about having money it is about spending it.

In all likelihood even if he does have a lot of money he wont for long, especially
if an investment fails or another issue arises. Does he have a solid savings or is he spending everything he gets on his status needs.

Now that I have typed this I offer my advice as asked for above.

He has been raised in a good family and likely is sheltered,
Take a trip with him to Mexico with Habitat for Humanity or a similar
Charitable trip. Let him SEE how happiness does not need to be stamped
Abercrombe or Juicy. Take him to a place where he will find the joy of helping
others in need. If he agrees you could change his life for the better.

Lupin's avatar

How does he treat the waitstaff at a restaurant? Can you live with that?
There’s your answer.

Dog's avatar

@Lupin- That is very telling isn’t it?

Judi's avatar

Listen to your gut. Where there’s smoke there’s fire.

veronasgirl's avatar

He sounds like he is too into himself and his money. You could try a relationship with him, but think about 6 months down the road. The more he gets to know you, the more he’ll start “being himself”, which could mean one of two things: 1. He was putting so much importance on money to impress you. OR 2. He really just loves money more than anything else. Honestly, I’m betting it’s 2.

Judi's avatar

Then there is the question, Are you the “type” of person who will foster his since of value or will you be the doormat who was never good enough for him anyway. (I had one of those when I was very young. It ended badly and only in the last 5 years in my late 40’s have I really sorted through the mess and realized that I was good enough all along. It was his issue, not mine.) The pain from a relationship like that sneaks up on you.

Darwin's avatar

The other question that occurs to me is why are you interested in him? You call him “the rich guy,” not “the nice guy,” “the cute guy,” “the sexy guy,” “the motorcycle guy,” or even “the guy with the great mom.” Perhaps you need to look more at him and not at what he (or his parents) possesses.

swtsally's avatar

honestly he sounds like a jerk to me. if he liked you just as much as you liked him, whether you bought something on sale or bought something from the freakin salvation army, he wouldnt say something like that to you. like versonasgirl said, he sounds like he’s too into himself and his money and honestly, if you’re not really as rich as him, then sooner or later he’s going to find someone else that’s equally rich as him and who also cares about maintaining a good presentation physically by wearing name brand clothes etc. but if you truly like him then i guess i can’t say much more than what i’ve already said. gl.

ubersiren's avatar

Take him for a test drive. There’s no harm in an attempt. If along the way he falls in love with you, he may change his views about money and “cheap” people. If he doesn’t, then at least you’ll know the extent of his jerkiness. Plus, he’s wealthy… maybe you’ll get something out of it.

Lupin's avatar

@Dog I think you should always watch the way your date acts with waitstaff or any service person for that matter. It is a good indicator of how he/she will act with you when they are not on their best behavior. Do they drink a little too much at the restaurant? If yes then don’t be surprised if they drink at home. Keep your eyes open.
The grief may not be worth the money.

essieness's avatar

He sounds like a douchebag, in all seriousness. Anyone who is that concerned with money and appearances is not worth your or anybody else’s time! Do yourself a favor and DUMP HIM!

I’m sorry, but I just imagine him looking like this or this.

Darwin's avatar

@essieness – If he looks like the second link, then just use him for his body and then break up with him.

Judi's avatar

I just thought about my first post and should add that I now have a greater net worth than the guy who broke my heart 30 plus years ago because I was not from the correct socio-economic status. Success is the best revenge.

essieness's avatar

@Judi Um, have we celebrated your 10K-ness yet?

Judi's avatar

@essieness The party happened last night while I was sleeping but I woke up to a wonderful sprinkling of jelly dust this morning!

WhatThaF's avatar

he’s funny, doesn’t do drugs or alcohol because he doesn’t want kids to look up at him like that, he’s a natural athlete, handsome man, no tattoos(yay! lol) Thanks all. I know what most of you r sayin, but i don’t wanna let him go just yet..(He makes me swoon I tell you! lol) I’ll really figure it out the next time we have a serious talk..

Judi's avatar

I was in love with my jerks family more than him(I realize in retrospect)

Lupin's avatar

@WhatThaF Don’t let him know you’re watching his performance at the restaurant. That will distort the data.

carebare's avatar

If you really like him go for it. Don’t let him make you feel bad about not spending a lot of money on things, you know like when he calls you cheap, if he has so much money let him buy it for you.

veronasgirl's avatar

Just be cautious, I know he makes you swoon, but Jerks are very good (and well practiced) at making girls swoon.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. I think he is insecure about his money or worried he is not as rich as he believes himself to be. If you have more money than Bubba Gump Shrimp you don’t care how you are dressed because you know you have the bucks and can prove it if need be, you don’t need to try to convince people by your outward trappings, toys, and togs. Keep him around a bit longer.

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