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sap82's avatar

How can somebody truly express themselves when the whole group wants to push them down?

Asked by sap82 (704points) June 11th, 2009

Certain individuals in my life tend to be a little over baring. Despite my past, I would like to start clean in some things. However, I feel a lot of pressure from my past that unfortunatley encourages me to keep doing the things I no longer want to do. Can the fluther help? What should I do?

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15 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

Are these people friends or family? If it’s friends, the best that you can do is just not be friends with them anymore. If they can’t support you, they are not your friends.

SirBailey's avatar

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Are these people RIGHT?

sap82's avatar

@SirBailey They had a point in the past, but things are different now. I want to change things for myself. How can I if they keep reminding me of what I am. Lets consider them for the sake of argument unfortunate co-workers.

atlantis's avatar

It’s called peer pressure and according to the latest educational theories, can start from as young as second grade. Where the experts say that whosoever survives from then on will thrive and the rest will perpetually be thrown into the background, I disagree. I don’t know how, but you can throw off the shackles and thrive, life cannot be just that shallow…

There are some people, types of them, who are control freaks. Doesn’t matter to them whether it’s good or bad but it has to be approved or sanctioned by them. Some inherent emotional void that they’re making up for. The one thing you can do is avoid them with a capital A. If it’s the workplace, just move to another department, get transferred or change companies as the bahaviour probably fostered by the management there.

Another way wouuld be to just become as obstinate as they are bossy. It can be fun if you can pull it off. And try not to get manipulated or used like a rag.

sap82's avatar

In my experience, it seems once I have been branded as something I will never be any different. Yet here I am trying to change and getting shoved down for making the effort. I am who I am thats all I am trying to express.

DarkScribe's avatar

Do they have an uncontrollable urge to strip? To tear their clothes off? That could be interesting.

cwilbur's avatar

Find a different group.

You’re being too vague about things for any more useful advice. Perhaps if you gave more concrete examples—the things you want to express, the things your friends are doing to prevent it—we can offer better advice.

Response moderated
hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I echo what the others have touched on, how important is the acceptance of this “group” to you? Act from there. If it’s family then that’s the toughest audience of all because you can’t generally pick and choose them by trust, confidence, reasonability or support like you can when choosing friends throughout your life.

cwilbur's avatar

@DarkScribe: I wasn’t answering you, I was answering the question. You see, the universe doesn’t actually revolve around you, no matter how much you wish it would.

DarkScribe's avatar

@cwilbur I wasn’t answering you, I was answering the question. You see, the universe doesn’t actually revolve around you, no matter how much you wish it would

It doesn’t? Are you positive?

I was assured that it did. Did my mother lie to me?

(Yes, I know, I was just winding you up. It is so easy to get a response out of you. I’ll try to behave, but it might be difficult as I am in a good mood.)

shilolo's avatar

[mod says] Flame off.

DarkScribe's avatar

@shilolo [mod says] Flame off.

Sure. Already done.

Judi's avatar

I felt this way in school, and found that once I got out into the “real world” I was no longer bound by the labels set by the people who surrounded me. My best suggestion (If you can’t physically change your surroundings) would be to get involved with other things outside that environment. If you do things that interest you it helps you to create a new identity in your own mind.
I was a “stoner” in High School. Even though I quit doing drugs when I was 15, there was just no place for a “former stoner” to fit in. It took me probably 10 years to NOT identify myself with that lifestyle, to create a new persona for myself.
It takes time to remake yourself. Be patient and believe in yourself. Eventually it will stick and those around you will believe it too.

sap82's avatar

@Judi Thank you for you comment. That was very useful.

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