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JonnyCeltics's avatar

If you wanted to write a letter to the adoptive parents of a child you cared for before her adoption, what would you say?

Asked by JonnyCeltics (2721points) June 12th, 2009

When I was in China, I helped raise $ and became quite close with a beautiful young baby. I funded a surgery to repair her cleft palate through 2 surgeries, and she grew to become more and more beautiful. After I left, she was adopted, and it has taken me over a year to find her again.

Her new parents have been unresponsive to an email sent by a third party in an attempt to introduce my previous presence in her life and get us connected. But they could have had the wrong email, etc, or just not be willing to talk.

Regardless, I have done some research and have found out where they live, or so I think.

I want to write them a letter. Any ideas/advice on how to approach it?

Thanks so much :)

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12 Answers

RedPowerLady's avatar

Wow this is a difficult situation. I would be honest about your intentions. Say that their daughter touched your heart. You might also want to say that you have no intentions of disrupting their family. And you may consider that they have not told her she is adopted (if she was adopted young) so that you may mention you would not disrespect any of their wishes in this regard.

I think it would also be very appropriate to introduce yourself. In my culture it is important to introduce yourself well. Perhaps that is true for this family as well. They may want to know who you are, how you know their daughter, where you work, how old you are, if you have a good family life, etc.. Really any information you feel comfortable divulging.

I would also consider consulting someone from the culture so that you may understand how to approach this letter from a culturally appropriate standpoint. If, of course, it was Chinese or another culture from your own, family who adopted this baby. You might also want to consider having it translated as well if that is the case and providing both an English and a translated copy of your letter.

I really hope this works out for you.

augustlan's avatar

I don’t think I have anything to add to @RedPowerLady‘s wonderful response. Just wanted to say good luck with your quest!

JonnyCeltics's avatar

Thanks for the awesome response. She is Chinese, but was adopted by a family in the United States….

whatthefluther's avatar

Truly excellent response by @RedPowerLady . Having the family is in the USA, may ease the communication, but of course, tread lightly, do not push and respect their decision.
PS: I was a bit worried about you…you’ve not been participating nearly as much as you did this time last year…and to that, I say: good to see you and GO LAKERS!

JonnyCeltics's avatar

@whatthefluther if Garnett were around, they would have won again this year. This Laker team is an off bunch, facing a Grade B team!

RedPowerLady's avatar

Perhaps you could simply request that they allow you to write a letter or send a present. Then if they get used to that you can ask for more communication. It might be easier if you start with a small request. I just thought of that so wanted to add that in.

Also do you know what culture the family from the US is from? That may help. In fact googling them and learning a bit about them might helps as well.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

No idea….but many are religious…

whatthefluther's avatar

Typical Celtic fan…will talk trash under under any and all circumstances. And to think I was humble and congratulated you last year… should have known better.
PS: Yeah, right…If Bird were around you would have won again, too.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

Woah! you totally misinterpreted my statement. Listen, we lost, fair and square. We came up short to a better team over 7 games. easy, there…

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Do you have any pictures of her as a baby in China? If you do, I would send those with a letter.

Did you pay for all of the surgery yourself, or were you one of many donors? Do you continue to raise money for surgeries for other children?

JonnyCeltics's avatar

have pix…..raised $ myself….! thx :)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Then that would be what your letter to the parents should be about, sending them copies of the picture, telling them a little about what she was like, and about your motivation for raising the money. In that sense, you are giving them a piece of their child’s early childhood that they are not privy to otherwise. And that statement should be your stated motivation for contacting them—that you have a piece of the puzzle about their child’s life, and you want to pass it along. Knowing a number of people who have adopted children from China, I cannot imagine anyone being anything other than touched by that statement.

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