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veebee's avatar

Could you be in a relationship with someone who had a parent's name?

Asked by veebee (13points) January 4th, 2008

I’ll admit, I’m a picky dater. I just met the first young woman in a year who I would consider a possibility for a long-term relationship. And she’s fluent in an uncommon European language? Hot.

Problem is, she has my mom’s first name. I can just see myself getting squeamish seeing her sign my mother’s full name if we ever got married. Maybe she has a middle name she likes to go by? Maybe I should meet her sister?

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16 Answers

scubydoo's avatar

Just get her middle name or maybe think of a “cute” nickname for her. call her by the nickname if its too odd saying her real name.. if all else fails , send her my way, Im looking for that “long term relationship” lol :-)

jrpowell's avatar

I dated a girl that had my sisters name. Same last and first name. They spelled the first names differently but they were pronounced the same. It was weird at first but I got over it. And the freaky part… They both have red hair.

juaniquillo's avatar

I like scubydoo’s advice (the nickname part anyways). I’m picky too and it’s rare for me to consider a long term relationship with somebody. That is precisely why I push myself to at least give a try when that happens.

veebee's avatar

I like the idea of a nickname, so long as it’s clear where I’m coming from. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m trying to change her, you know?

I’d also have to use a nickname my mom doesn’t use. It’s a short and uncommon name, so I’ve got two obvious options, one of which is used by my mother. I think above all, though, I should talk to her about it, regardless of any awkwardness.

Northstate's avatar

How about ‘hun’, ‘babe’, ‘sweetie’, or the like – The only time that I have ever used my girlfriends name while in actual conversation between the two of us was when we were arguing. And it espesially never came out during the making of the love, or as I call it, the Dibbity Dibbity Doo Whaa.

All and all – I would say if you have feelings for this girl go for it. Love is hard to come by…Espesially with someone who isn’t a nut job.

Best wishes!

zina's avatar

I can see why you’d be squeamish – and I agree with others that you should still go for it. You’re absolutely right that you need to discuss it with her, since a name is such a core part of a person’s identity and it’d be weird for you to just start calling her something else. (and I doubt the usual ‘babe’ and ‘sweetie’ will be sufficient in this situation—not to mention that it sometimes takes a while to get to that stage)

Maybe if you get married she’ll keep her name, you take hers, you hyphenate both, someone uses a middle name or a family last name from another side (a maiden name)...... there are solutions.

Supergirl's avatar

I agree with Northstate (except for his making love nickname). You will eventually start using pet names to refer to her. My fiance and I only use our first names with each other when we are arguing as well.

Northstate's avatar

What are you talking about Supegirl – You never took Dibbity Dibbity Doo Whaa education class in middle school? That’s what our teacher callled it when I was in school. j/k :) – Have a great day!

kevbo's avatar

I met a hottie with my mom’s name once, and I definitely would have dated her. I call my mom “Mom,” so unless I met someone named “Mom” or “Mommy” or “Ma,” then I don’t think it would be a problem. I think having my sister’s name would be far more difficult to deal with.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

I dated someone with my brother’s name for a while. It was a bit weird for the first couple weeks, but after I had gotten to know him better, it was much easier and less awkward because I was then able to see them as completely different people who have something in common—their name. And I am with kevbo, if it’s your mom’s name then it’s not as weird as I’m assuming you don’t call your mom by her first name, rather something along the lines of “mom” or “momma.”

gcross's avatar

My husband uses his legal name for just that – legal reasons. He had one nickname as a child, chosen by his parents probably, and chose another for himself as an adult. I generally call him and refer to him by that adult nickname. I have to stop and shift gears when I discuss him with his family, since they know him by a different nickname.

He refers to me as his Sweet Little (fill in the blank) of Love. Over the years he has used birds, insects, fish, animals, food, and others. He has even gone so far as to write blog entries on how he comes up with his endearments.

And he is a redhead like my mother. But that is less a problem for me, since my son and my mother’s grandfathers all had red hair. My husband’s sister, brother and father are/were all red heads too.

It’s something you get used to. I agree with the other comments herein. Discuss it with the young lady and try both solutions. Ask her if she’d be ok going by a middle or nickname and try out some unique endearments.

veebee's avatar

@omfgTALIjustMDu – I think you’re exactly right. I realized if she signed her name using her middle name as well, I wouldn’t be weirded out at all. In fact, should we ever get married, it would probably be wise to use her middle name as well on legal documents, to avoid confusion with my mother.

@johnpowell – Whoa, now that is a little strange. Glad things got less weird. Thankfully, I don’t have any sisters, so there’s no chance of that happening to me. Count my blessings, eh?

@Northstate – The only real problem with using a nickname is when we’re having a serious conversation. It’s certainly no time for pet names, and nicknames seem a bit too casual.

@zina – At the risk of sounding cocky, I’ve got an awesome last name that she’s probably not going to want to hyphenate – especially because it already has two spaces in it! But I agree with the rest of what you said.

Oz_1's avatar

I agree with the solution of calling her by a nickname…don’t let this girl slip by just cause of that reason. (”,)

veebee's avatar

An update: we’ve been together over two months now :D

Thanks, guys.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

@veebee, I’m glad. What do you call her?

veebee's avatar

@omfgTALIjustIMDu: Her first initial or name when talking to others, and a pet name or the foreign pronunciation when addressing her.

And if anyone is curious, she’s wonderful!

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