General Question

lilgiraffe's avatar

How do you tell if a guy is serious about you?

Asked by lilgiraffe (283points) July 12th, 2009

…or if he is just having fun till the next one comes along?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

13 Answers

cyn's avatar

yeah you’ll find that out….eventually

DrBill's avatar

The guy will not get serious until you show interest back.

EntitY's avatar

I personally think it takes time to get to know each other, meaning likes and dislikes and an understanding. A guy might break it off with you, but it does not mean he was gaming. Just do not neglect to observe the signs either way…

MrGV's avatar

Have sex with him and if he still continues to talk to you afterward there is a 80% chance he is serious.

Facade's avatar

Ask him.
“Are you serious about our relationship?”
If he stumbles over his words or tries to get out of answering, then you know he was just porking around.

wundayatta's avatar

Serious? What does serious mean? Like ready to get married? Exclusive dating? What?

Are you serious? How can we tell?

There is no magic way to tell if someone else is serious about you, whatever serious means. Communication is a very uncertain business. It’s hard to know what someone else wants.

What kinds of decisions are you facing? How will your behavior change depending on whether you believe he’s serious or not? I don’t know if this is true, but it seems to me that a lot of times women ask this when they are thinking of having sex with someone, and they want to know if that is meaningful to the guy, or if he is just looking for another notch on his bedpost.

What other decisions are you facing? Do you need to turn down someone else who wants to date you? Do you need to defend this guy to your parents? Why is knowing whether he’s serious or not so important?

You gotta think about why you are asking the question. There’s something underneath there that you are worrying about—maybe it’s your reputation. Maybe it’s a fear of being taken advantage of. I don’t know. If you figure out what it is, and if you tell us, maybe we can help you figure out if he’s serious. Or maybe that’s all you need to know in order to figure out what to do next.

lilgiraffe's avatar

@daloon It would be a fear of being taken advantage of.

I just reconnected with this guy I used to date, after we lost touch for about 1½ years. The reason we lost touch was cos he withdrew contact after he felt that he wasn’t as ‘into’ the relationship as I was at that time.

In the interim though, he did try to text me to meet up but I was abroad for a few months so we didn’t. We met up again cos I had something about work to consult him with. We just had coffee and on parting he mentioned that we should do dinner sometime.

I took a while to get over him so now I don’t know if I should give it a go again if he wants to be more than friends. Part of me does not even want to entertain the chance of being hurt by the same person twice.

wundayatta's avatar

You don’t have enough information to know if he’s serious. You can’t depend on him being serious in order to protect yourself from being hurt. In love, I think, you have to give up any hope of not being hurt. You will get hurt, again and again. The thing is to have hope. Believe that you are pursuing what you really want. If you like the guy, have dinner with him. You are not going to forget what he did last time, so you won’t make that mistake again. It’ll be another mistake, if you make one… or several, which is more likely.

You’ll go slower this time. Be more cautious. Check him and check him again, to make sure he means what you want him to mean. You won’t fool yourself this time.

You know what? These are all good things. Too many people go foolishly trustingly into relationships. Because you got burned doesn’t mean you shouldn’t light another fire. It just means you need to be more careful this time. Maybe wear an asbestos suit (metaphorically speaking).

And you know what else? Life is full of fucking learning experiences. Enjoy them. They’re all you’re gonna get.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

If you don’t have anyone else waiting in the wings that you’d mess up a chance with, go ahead and go for it. Great things only happen when you take great risks.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Make him work for it. If he moves on quickly to other prospects, you know he just want’s to have “fun” and isn’t serious.

CMaz's avatar

Don’t have sex for at least 30 days. Then you will know.

And, oral sex is still sex.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

He tells you he’s really interested or falling or whatever
He asks you how you feel so far
He asks you what loose strings you have
He tells you what he’s chosen to do (change plans, make plans, etc)
He brings puts out there his feelings on exclusivity
He puts out there his views on sex
He asks you about safe sex, STD testings

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