General Question

Lee_27's avatar

Should I let him go or does anyone think he can change?

Asked by Lee_27 (348points) August 25th, 2009

I have been seeing this man for about 2 years on and off. He proclaims that I am the love of his life and I am the most important thing in the world to him and he needs me. This man has cheated on me 2 times in the past which I forgave and recently just last week with a girl he use to date that he says he loves but isnt in love with. He says he wants to marry me and he is sorry he messed things up. Is the old saying once a cheater always a cheater true? Should I just be ok with him currently loving another girl even if he isnt supposedly in love? Am i a complete moron for always thinking he will change and taking him back?

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29 Answers

nikipedia's avatar

Yes, you should let him go. No, he will never change.

DrBill's avatar

You gave him a second chance, and he blew it, time to cut your losses and move on.

Facade's avatar

The guy’s not going to change and would probably cheat throughout your marriage if you married him. Find someone else.

avvooooooo's avatar

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

There shouldn’t be a third time.

cyn's avatar

the second chance always tells the truth about people.
Move on!

jrpowell's avatar

You have already given him the impression that he can cheat on you and you will take him back. Time to move on. The odds of him changing are slim to null. Really, you deserve better.

mrentropy's avatar

Cut the ties as quickly and completely as you can. People can change, but it’s not an overnight thing and it takes a lot of effort on their part.

If you were to marry I’d bet dollars to donuts that you’d spend every day that you weren’t with me worrying about what he’s doing. There are much better ways to live your life.

Blondesjon's avatar

You are a complete moron if you think this kind of behavior is going to change. In fact, you are one of the reasons dicks like this still operate.

Break the cycle now. Kick this dick to the curb and find yourself a little self esteem.

marinelife's avatar

The old saying is not always true, but it is in this case. He is a serial cheater. Marry him and have a lifetime of doubt and pain.

dee1313's avatar

@Marina Good point! The fact that he’s done it twice should have ruined your trust in him. Relationsihps don’t work without trust.

People can only change if they want to change. If really loves you, he’d respect your desire for a monogamous relationship. The first time may have been a mistake, but after the second time you should know that he isn’t serious about wanting to change.

SuperMouse's avatar

I hate to sound like Dr. Phil here (but I am afraid I will because I am shamelessly stealing his line), but the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Cut him loose, you deserve better.

Lee_27's avatar

Thank you everyone!! Everyone of these answers are completely true, I have been a moron for thinking that this man would change. I have kicked him out several times only to have him say I must not truly love him since I am giving up so easily or he must not be importan t to me or I must not care since I am giving up. I have even heard him say how he would stay with me and love me had I been the one cheating on him Lol. What a freaking joke. He always makes it about me not caring, he is a true manipulator, liar and cheater.

avvooooooo's avatar

@Lee_27 Good! Tell him that and if he starts whining at you, kick him where it hurts! :D

frdelrosario's avatar

Do you ever read Dan Savage?


Lee_27's avatar

No never heard of Dan Savage. Why?

frdelrosario's avatar

Savage writes an excellent relationships column, in which he is asked quite often “Should I let him go, or does anyone think he can change?”.

Savage, I’m sure, and I would suggest Dump the Motherfucker Already.

jrpowell's avatar

@Lee_27 :: See how he makes his cheating and the repercussions of that your fault. Do you really want to live like that? There are plenty of nice guys out there. Start looking for one.

give_seek's avatar

“When people show you who they are, believe them.” M. Angelou

Don’t fall for the dream, deal with the reality. He’s not going to change. You can put up with a cheating man or . . . dump him because you deserve better.

PS. Get an STD test.

Buttonstc's avatar

Actions speak louder than words. Listen.

whatthefluther's avatar

Without even reading your details, my answer was he was not going to change and to let him go. After reading your details, I wish to revise my answer. Let him go?!?! Don’t just let him go….kick his ass! You knew the answer before you wrote this. You probably fear being alone and are looking for some sort of validation. You got it.
See ya….Gary aka wtf

PerryDolia's avatar

Send him a nice fruit basket with a note that says, “Three strikes. You’re out. Bye.”

quarkquarkquark's avatar

You’re justified in dumping him, and I think you probably should, but you should keep in mind that he probably does actually love you.

avvooooooo's avatar

@PerryDolia How ‘bout a box of cracker jacks?

dee1313's avatar

@quarkquarkquark Just not enough to keep his dick in his pants. At least he did it with someone else he loves too.

At least dump him until he’s grown up, and if he really means it about the feelings, until he has sorted them out. Just because he might really love you doesn’t mean he can treat you like crap. Hopefully by then you’ll have found someone better. Seems he has a back up anyway.

I don’t put up with cheaters.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

without reading the details… yes, move on.

when you have to ask, you already know the answer.

SuckaFreeCitizen's avatar

He’s cheated on you 3 times, that you know of. People will continue to treat you bad only if you allow them. Definitely drop his ass.

cyndyh's avatar

It’s not even just the cheating -although that would be enough – it’s all the manipulative bullshit.

It’s not your fault. You deserve better. Dump his ass.

perplexism's avatar

Tell him to take a looooong walk off a short pier.

sapphirebeauty7's avatar

Well first of all I hope his name is not Labeeb lol I used to know a man that i cared for where in our relationship different women would call and tell me exactly what he would tell me and only me.
Anyhow back to you sorry lol. He cheated on you? are you married to him that your still stuck with him? Honey let him go. As far as I believe “once a cheater will always stay a cheater” But hey you never know maybe he can change and maybe will never cheat on you again right?
But are you really willing to stay with him and have this emotional roller coaster inside your heart every day? Worrying? Trust me it’s not good. If he would have been your husband then that’s a little bit of a different story, but your boyfriend? Girl ditch him while you can, and keep telling your self ” I am doing this for Me cause I want to be happy” well that is if you want to stop worrying all your life and be happy, you can be with someone who will never cheat on you. And yes there are men like that out there I believe that. Ditch him unless you want to stay with him cause you dont’ care about your self allowing him walk all over you and him cheating on you? He cares about you and likes you enough to say whatever not to loose you but he deffenietly does not love you. it’s the reality.

good luck.

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