General Question

rangerr's avatar

How should I go about asking someone's family if I can come visit/spend time with a friend's urn?

Asked by rangerr (15765points) December 14th, 2009

I don’t even know how to word this question.. sorry.

My best friend committed suicide about 2½ years ago.
I just found a letter from him that I never read.
He wrote it 2 months before he died and instructed me not to read it until my birthday.
He died before my birthday, so I put the letter in a box and forgot about it because I was still grieving.

I haven’t been able to bring myself to contact his mom and check in for a while because I’m not sure what to say.

Now, I want to go visit with her, and spend some time with his urn yeah, talking to him still helps me, don’t judge me

I’m not sure what to say when I call her…

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12 Answers

colliedog's avatar

Is there some reason you can’t say what you wrote here? That seems like a pretty clear explanation of why you want to visit.

SirGoofy's avatar

Just do it. You’ve got nothing to lose here. Be open and up front. If you begin to cry when asking….that’s even better. Maybe your friend’s mother will see right then and there how important it is to you and furthermore, she may be truly moved by your simply asking. If I were her, it would be wonderful to know that someone (such as yourself) appreciated her son/daughter. I don’t think it’s selfish to ask her for this favor.

rangerr's avatar

@colliedog I don’t see how that is relevant. At all.

SeventhSense's avatar

I’m very sorry about your friend. I think what you said here is heartfelt and would probably be more than sufficient to express your feelings to his mother. I think this is what colliedog meant. It’s anyone’s guess what her feelings are regarding this but put it out there and accept whatever her response is. Good luck.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I would write her a note and say exactly what you said here, and tell her in the note how much you miss him and think of him every day. Ask her if you can come visit, spend some time with the urn, and perhaps take her to lunch. Include your phone number and have her call you.

When a parent loses a child, the worst thing is when people stop talking about the child, and it becomes as if he/she never existed. All the fine things about the person disappear into the silence, along with the pain. The pain is still there, even when no one speaks the person’s name.

colliedog's avatar

@rangerr Sorry I must be missing something. It seems pretty clear to me that what you want is normal, not unusual in any way and you just need to explain your motivations as you did quite clearly above. I think she will understand. My apologies if I’m misunderstanding.

Likeradar's avatar

I think you should just politely do it. She might be really, really glad to know you still think about him and talk to him.

rangerr's avatar

I guess I really didn’t need to ask this.. did I?
Thanks guys. ♥

colliedog's avatar

@rangerr If you wouldn’t mind explaining your earlier statement, I am concerned that I misunderstood you in an important way and would like to avoid repeating this mistake elsewhere if possible.

rangerr's avatar

@colliedog No, you’re okay. I misunderstood what you meant. My fault.

uncluttermePLEZ2010's avatar

Just ask, I keep my husband’s at home and my friends are free to visit with his “remains” whenever they visit our home. Some feel comfortable saying a word to him also. It really shouldn’ t be a problem. Best wishes…

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