General Question

pattyb's avatar

Have you ever looked at your marriage/relationship and thought "this is not working out" although you have no intentions of leaving.

Asked by pattyb (786points) February 27th, 2008 from iPhone

Married 4 a while now, and these feelings creep up once in a while. Have u ever felt the same.

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7 Answers

ryu489's avatar

its being comfortable in something and not wanting to just lose all of that and start over.

Tchalla's avatar

yes I feel that way all the time but I love by daughter to much to leave.

Yogi's avatar

I ve been with my girl and now future fiancé for three years and yes I feel the same way you do, but it just some thing you have to get out your chest so it helps to argue sometimes that way you can say what u like. This is what help me stay beacuse I dont wanna leave I know that thing can change.

Les's avatar

I don’t get this. Why stay if you have a feeling it isn’t working? I felt this way when I was in a relatively long-term relationship, where I thought that things weren’t working, and that I couldn’t see myself marrying the person. So I had to end it. Unless like Tchalla you are married, and have to see the greater good (i.e. children), why be with someone with whom you are not content? At the risk of sounding cliche, there are other fish in the sea. I know that there is that comfort issue to deal with, the idea that if you end the relationship, you will basically have to start all over, but come on. If there are problems now (as minute as you may think they are), then there will continue to be problems, and very likely, many more. I’m not saying to get out of any relationship that you have a small problem in. But if you feel that “things aren’t working”, then maybe things aren’t working. I don’t think it is fair to you or the other person to prolong something that isn’t right. Seems like this kind of attitude leads (more often than not) to people who see the things that aren’t working with their current partner, in other people, and then that leads to being unfaithful, which isn’t good for anybody.

cwilbur's avatar

You stay if it’s not working because being alone is too horrible to contemplate.

And then you find out that, as horrible as being alone may seem, it’s peanuts compared to being in a bad relationship.

If you don’t think it’s working now, either get out of it or fix it. If you don’t get out of it, you don’t fix it, and you stick around, you will make yourself miserable.

soundedfury's avatar

It is completely natural to have occasional doubts about any relationship. Since you don’t give us an idea as to the frequency, except to say “occasionally,” everyone is jumping to the “all the time” conclusion.

Relationships ebb and flow. There are times you won’t be in sync or feel further apart. If those times are more often than the good times, then you should be asking harder questions. If the happiness outweighs it all, I’d say you’re in a pretty good relationship.

gbasham's avatar

All the time. You need to ask yourself do you want to stay with this person. Does this mean if this person does not change is it worth your own happiness to stay? How flexiable are both of you? How much trust is between you. You may have to step out the situation and think about what you really want, if the other person refuses to let you go or let you come back it will not work out.

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