General Question

Justnice's avatar

am I looking for trouble?

Asked by Justnice (920points) March 4th, 2008 from iPhone

Im dating my ex’s father and he has no idea. Am I a horrible person who is just looking for trouble?

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36 Answers

ezraglenn's avatar

I think you know the answer to this question better than anyone else on Fluther.

kawaii_ninja's avatar

No! But i can see why that would offend the ‘ex’ in question if that’s what you’re getting at….

cwilbur's avatar

You’re probably not a horrible person, but your judgment is definitely questionable.

jrpowell's avatar

I wouldn’t say that you are a horrible person. But, I can’t see any good coming out of this situation. I would be mad at my dad if I found out he was banging my ex. But my dad is dead so I don’t have to worry about that.

My advice is to get out as quickly as possible before you destroy the relationship between your ex and his father. And what kind of person goes after his sons ex-girlfriend? Is it wrong to assume you were still with the ex when this started?

kawaii_ninja's avatar

@johnpowell – I think your answer is very good, and i am sorry you have lost your father =[

You should conside your ex’s feelings in this too….he must be pretty upset! Unless he is ok with it, then there’s no problem at all….
I can think of plenty of people that would veiw your relationship as ‘immoral’, but that’s up for you and your ex’s dad to decide!

Zaku's avatar

It’s at least worth looking at why this is happening, what it’s about, both for you, and for your ex’s dad. Since you’re asking that question, I expect there are things you aren’t facing clearly, which might be worthwhile to figure out.

riprock96's avatar

if you have Kids with this ex I would terminate quickly…. I feel ex’s with kids together need to some how remain friends… Keeps the kids balanced and happy. If no kids together and u really like this dude… Maybe you two stop sneaking around get it out in the open. Better then him finding out the hard way and loosing trust… Nothing worse than a screwed up family, especially if it can be avoided. If telling him is out of the question you may just want to break it off…

bulbatron9's avatar

You have got some serious issues. That old dirtbag can’t give two craps about you. He doesn’t even care about his own son! You should get away from this old man, get to the health dept., and find someone who cares about you! Nasty!

kawaii_ninja's avatar

P.S. When i said before ‘he must be pretty upset’, i meant if he found out he would be pretty upset lol, sorry…

Emilyy's avatar

I think Zaku is right on the money.

I agree that an older gentleman who goes after his son’s ex might be bad news for you. And by “might,” I mean “probably is.” Plus, a look at your profile tells me that you’re 19. How old is your new beau? Assuming your ex was around your age, that puts his father in the 40+ range. It might be okay for Katherine McFee or whatever her name is, but that huge of an age gap when you’re still technically a teenager sounds super sketchy.

Age issues aside, it is pretty likely that if you continue dating him, at some point your secret will be revealed. So you need to be prepared to either end it quickly NOW, or deal with the consequences in the event that your ex finds out. In my experience of dating ex’s friends or friend’s exes, these things never go well AT ALL when the cat is let out of the bag. Even when you think that they won’t care, they usually do. I can only imagine the sh*t storm that will ensue when it’s not friends, but family, that’s involved.

Justnice's avatar

the guy in question is 38 and I’m 19. We didn’t start dating until I broke up with his son but the problem now is that I’m in love with the guy and I cant stop anymore. I feel bad for my ex but I can’t help myself

kawaii_ninja's avatar

If you really love him…and beleive it could be serious….just remember….if you ever got married (not saying you will) you would be your ex’s mum, and if you you ever had kids (not saying you will) i think your ex would need to go to a therapy clinic. Thats just my opinion…

jrpowell's avatar

@Justnice..

This guys character is questionable. I wouldn’t even fuck my best friends ex. You are going to end up getting hurt at the end of this. It is up to you to decide how badly you are going to be hurt.

Do you think a guy who hooks-up with his sons ex is going to give a shit about you when the next high school graduation rolls around?

Justnice's avatar

the thing is I believe the father liked me before I got with his son. And the other thing is that I kind of used the son to get closer to the father. I never even really liked the son, its just that I wasn’t sure how to get with the father cause he was so much older. Does that make me horrible?

squirbel's avatar

Im pretty sure you will lose respect in many people’s eyes [those around you].

Poser's avatar

I think you’ll look back on this as one of the worst decisions of your life. Never mind the fact that it’s your ex’s dad. Using anyone (as you used your ex) is wrong. It may not make you a horrible person, but it’s evidence of it.

Emilyy's avatar

I agree with Poser. At this point, you are in a sea of different issues without a life vest. Using someone to get to someone else is a terrible thing to do. You keep asking if this makes you a horrible person. Who cares what we think? Ask yourself.

Justnice's avatar

well, I actually dont think I’m a horrible person. I just made a horrible choice. But now I’m in too deep. I can’t end this relationship now. I know that I used people to get here and I am sorry. I wish I could have done it a different way but its too late. I guess my question now is should I tell my ex?

bulbatron9's avatar

Why not the truth will eventually come out.

Cardinal's avatar

Don’t think you are horrible, but recommend getting out of the mess you are in! If you didn’t think it was wrong, we all wouldn’t be here talking about this.

Justnice's avatar

I actually dont think its wrong. I just want to know what other people think. I am scared though cause I think if my ex finds out he might kill me or even his father. I’m not joking, he’s capable of it

bulbatron9's avatar

That should tell you how good of a Father he has.

Justnice's avatar

but what does that have to do with his father. He raised him ok. My ex is just out of control for no reason. That’s why we didn’t tell him in the first place

Poser's avatar

Sounds like you’re getting exactly what you asked for. You ought to give Jerry Springer a call.

kawaii_ninja's avatar

Oh my god thats sick. Imagine you were your ex.. you would be mortified if this happened to you!! Also what if he still has feelings for you, him and his dad could fall out becayuse of you!! You could split up this family!!

cwilbur's avatar

It now sounds like you were looking for trouble, you found it, and now you don’t know what to do with it.

Get out of this situation. As quickly as possible. Forget being in love; you’ll find someone else to love.

Zaku's avatar

“I am scared though cause I think if my ex finds out he might kill me or even his father. I’m not joking, he’s capable of it”

- Wow. And what part of “am I asking for trouble?” are you unclear about? Looks really clear to me that you don’t see why you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing – part of you is creating high drama, and you are telling yourself you’re being mature and in love and nothing’s wrong… about making someone liable to kill you and/or his father. What’s your discussion of this with the father like?

kawaii_ninja's avatar

Apologies for the responce up there ^ my mate wrote it when she came on my account >_>

Justnice's avatar

I understand what everyone is saying. I guess I already knew the answer to my question in the first place. I guess I was hoping for someone to tell me that I’m not a horrible person or that they understand why I did what I did. But I dont think its nasty or gross. I think some of you are being really mean. I guess I deserve it though but you guys need to put yourselves in my position. Even though I say I’m mature it still doesn’t mean that I know everything. I still make bad decisions as does everybody else. I still dont have experience in a lot of things. I have to make mistakes to better myself.

Zaku's avatar

Ok. I don’t think you’re a horrible person (if I did, I wouldn’t bother). I understand that you’ve done this because you are human. I don’t think it’s nasty or gross, but I my advice is to look more closely at what your choices are creating, and whether that’s really what you want. Are you really in this to take what you desire from life, or do you care about the man you say you love? If you care about him, are you avoiding facing your responsibility for risking his relationship with his son, and as you say, all of your lives? I’m not calling you bad by asking you those questions – I’m asking you if you’re being clear and honest with yourself and your intentions, because it doesn’t seem like you are. Were you not fooling yourself that you weren’t “sure how to get with the father cause he was so much older” except by dating his son whom you never really liked? Again, I’m not calling you horrible, I’m asking if you weren’t self-deluding.

Justnice's avatar

at this point I will say that I am sorry for how I did everything but one thing I am not sorry about is hooking up with this man whom I love dearly. I dont regret it. I dont regret loving him. I’m not saying that I dont care about the sons feelings but at this point he just has to deal with it. I guess his father has to choose. Is he willing to lose his son over me? Hopefully it won’t come to that but it looks that way.

Poser's avatar

Maturity is more than having the experience and wisdom to keep from making bad decisions. It also involves having the experience and wisdom to do what it takes to make bad decisions right. Sounds like you’re just looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear—that it’s okay to be with this man.

And I’m sorry about my Jerry Springer comment. But you gotta admit—sounds like something you might see on that show.

Justnice's avatar

that’s alright, I know it sounds like a good topic for his show. I guess I just need to know how do I fix this? Have I waited too long? Or is it even fix-able. How do I come out with as little drama as possible?

Poser's avatar

It’s never too late to do the right thing. It’s sometimes too late to do what would’ve been right yesterday.

Leave. Today. Not only for yourself, but also for the man you claim to love. If his son is really as dangerous as you claim, you’re putting his father in danger by being with him.

Justnice's avatar

I guess you guys are all right. I know what I have to do now. Thanks guys

kawaii_ninja's avatar

If you can..i’d like to know how it all turns out….and if you need any more advice thanks ^^

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