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johnny0313x's avatar

Break up question .....

Asked by johnny0313x (1855points) March 5th, 2008 from iPhone

okay so normally I hate sappy break up crap online but here I am in a moment of weakness blabbing my personal life to strangers. Anyhow my boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half. We fought often but love each other he just feels long term he won’t be happy which I have thought about many of times on my end but I love him to death and always sucked up any negative thoughts or feelings. Anyhow I have been really upset for about a month now balling my eyes out like a girl on more then one occasion. I can’t deal with the thought of him having sex with another person. That is what is killing me. I mean I am a mess all day wondering what he is doing or who he is talking to. If I call and he doesn’t answer I get ten times worse. My heart races and I feel kinda sick. What should I do!!!?!?

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16 Answers

Poser's avatar

What can you do? Deal with it and move on. Busy yourself with things other than thoughts of him. Find a rebound.

scamp's avatar

Get yourself back out there and find another man honey!! By now, he has probably moved on, and you aren’t doing yourself any good crying over him.

Riser's avatar

Does he think he won’t be happy with you because you guys fought?

johnny0313x's avatar

our relationship story is to much for here it is a mess. Reality is we had a bad relationship but when it was good it was great and we connected in a really odd way but I was closer with him then
My family so losing him is a big deal he kinda helped me clean my act up alot. So now I feel really lost but I can’t even go out and have fun cause I always want to try and keep tabs on him which I no is wrong. I can’t help it though I get so freaked out cause trust was our main issue. I had a rebound after and it made me feel like I cheated even tho I didnt and now I’m totally turned off by everyone except him but I no he’s not gonna be turning anything down. We still talk everyday pretty much but I can’t take this upset feeling everyday anymore. .. I’m losing my mind and I Think its effecting my overall health and quality of life ugh

TheHaight's avatar

Awww the sweet smell of heartbreak… We have all gone through it at one point in our lives. You are not alone, okay?

Keep yourself busy. Dont be so available to him… Then he’ll walk all over you.

And breathe! :)

Poser's avatar

Cut ties with him. I’m always amazed that people remain in contact with exes that are absolutely not good for them. Believe me, if I didn’t have a kid with her, I’d never see or speak to my ex-wife again. There is a reason you are no longer with him, and you may think it’s because he broke up with you. That isn’t true. Fate was doing you a favor that you believe you aren’t strong enough to do yourself. You are. Lose his number.

scamp's avatar

The only thing that is really going to help you get over him is time itself. Unfortunately you will have to deal with the heartbreak you are currently feeling for some time to come. But continuing to talk to him on a daily basis, will only delay your healing process. He broke it off, so don’t answer when he calls. He can’t have it both ways, and neither can you. The sooner you realize it’s over, the better for you. It’s good that he helped you through some things. But now it’s time to stand up like a man, and live the lessons you have learned. Good luck to you!!

Riser's avatar

Johnny – look for my private comment

johnny0313x's avatar

you no I no what I need to do. Its what u all are saying. I need to cut ties and that what he wants now too. We have broken up a few times bug always got right back together…(after he fooled around) (ass) and it killed me finding that out everytime. This time I think it is different though I think we really r done and I know I need to move forward and let him go. That will make it easier but he lives a block down the road and we will always run into one another. There is only one. Club close by for gays so I am sure that is where we will run into each other the most. Its just so hard I try to be strong and then those crazy feelings come and I have my phone to my ear before I no it. I guess I just need to be strong but I be AME dependent on him cause he took care of me alot so now its a very lonely feeling. I mean I have had longer relationships but I broke them off or didnt really feel this bad after.

scamp's avatar

Attta Boy!! Now you’re talkin!! It won’t be easy, but you can do this! Stay strong!

iSteve's avatar

Short term therapy helped me get through my last break up, just a suggestion…

Emilyy's avatar

I agree that a few therapy sessions could help, especially if you have ties to your ex as someone who helped you through a hard time…Maybe you could try to find someone new in your life to help you work through things in a positive way, rather than trying to do it on your own or with a rebound.

Also, I had a terrible break-up experience not too long ago. I couldn’t eat, which I knew was a big deal since usually I eat MORE when I’m stressed. I was physically feeling things that I had never felt from a break-up before. Then, a couple days later he’s calling me and emailing me telling me how much he misses me and how sad HE is that we’re broken up.

This is all to say that knowing that he felt the same way that I did made me feel better, but it was a short-term good feeling because we weren’t going to get back together. The better thing to do would have been to stay strong and fight it out and just let time heal my wounds. When you call and he doesn’t answer it hurts you, but if he were to answer it would give you some false hope that things could be the same between you again. Being heartbroken might be the worst feeling in the world, but hopefully time will help you get through it.

Or, if you can, move to a city with more than one gay bar. Then, you won’t have to see him, and you’ll have a whole new scene to keep your mind off him.

Good luck.

kfiz's avatar

Just find a better guy to date. Wow. That was easy. Your so caught up in thinking there’s only one guy for you cause that’s all you chose to see! Step back for a few
secounds and look for a better guy!

LuckVIII's avatar

Sorry that you have to go through so much pain. You know what you have to do and from your post you don’t like what you have become. Keeping tabs on him/talking to him isn’t healthy for you at all. You will turn either bitter or psycho if you keep this up. The only thing that kepte sane thru these trying time was to keep myself busy by volunteering in homeless shelter. It helped me keep perspective of everything. I am not saying you should do the same thing but whatever you do keep moving.

zolmie's avatar

maybe you are disappointed that you invested so much of yourself by staying with this guy. You mentioned fighting a lot, ignoring your own feelings of not being happy with him long term either. It sounds like you were very hurt and let down especially after giving up your happiness to be with a guy who cheated on you. I’m sure the good times were great, but deep in your heart you know if this guy is someone you want for the right reasons or if you just want him because you dont want him with someone else. You know that he already has been with someone else bc he fooled around.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you are better than that and deserve more. There will be other guys who will be there for you, help you through tough times and won’t cheat on you. Just like you mentioned feeling bad after your rebound… Trust me, if you keep calling him and
pushing this relationship you will probably feel worse about it later. I know you are hurting and this is difficult, but if toucan find the strength to distance yourself from him you will feel better. Just give yourself one month off and see how you feel. Whether he has moved on or if he is talking to you everyday – know that he has told you in several ways he wants to move on (bybreaking up & cheating) so he probably is. You can’t control that which sucks. You can control distancing yourself, and show this guy that you dont need him. Just give it time. Hang in there.

kfiz's avatar

Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional.

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