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SaturnSky's avatar

Ex looking me up online?

Asked by SaturnSky (14points) March 15th, 2010

I am just curious what you make of this. I can understand someone looking an ex up online out of curiosity every now and then, but my ex has been constantly checking up on me.

I have a twitter account, and a blog. They visit my blog at least once a week since October when they found me, and my stats show they have always come from my twitter page. I know it is him as it says the company he works for on my stats, which only employs a few people. They also live about 4 hours away from me.

I also have had a fake account trying to add me on face book,which says they are from their home town. Coincidence? I decided to copy and paste a message to most of their contacts, as they didn’t have many, and none of them knew who this person was. They tried to add me for a year! They were also messaging me claiming they used to dance with me. Considering i am a dance teacher that’s a good thing to say, but they live no where near me!

I broke all contact with him after being fed up with what felt like emotional abuse. I disappeared, and have only just started coming online after about 2 years.

I also had a prank call a few weeks ago, and they were disturbed and spoke to someone who came in. Sounded like my ex! What is going on? What are your thoughts?

He tried to get me to come back for about 6 months after i disappeared through texts, would send me blank messages, ring on a withheld number, say nothing but just listen. When i gave him no reply he found a new girlfriend who he is still with.

In fact this time last year i had a withheld number one ring my phone a few times a day, for weeks. We used to do that when we were thinking of each other ( soppy i know). I am pretty sure that was him to. I don’t know anyone else who would do that, and my number has not changed as i run a business.

I don’t know what is going through his head?

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22 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

The guy has a very unhealthy and unsafe (for you) compulsion. He needs help. He won’t get it. You might want to investigate ways of getting protection. My understanding is that police are not always helpful. Maybe there are women’s organizations near you that can offer help and advice.

Val123's avatar

Sounds like stalking to me. But…who is “they”? Do you have more than one X?

SaturnSky's avatar

Hey Val, do you mean ‘they’ when i was describing the facebook account?

plethora's avatar

He’s stalking you, assuming that’s who it is. Well, regardless of who it is, you are certainly being stalked. There is a good bit in print about how to deal with stalkers, so I would suggest googling “stalkers”. One thing I read on it awhile back is that if a stalker calls 38 times without getting and answer and finally on the 39th call, you lose your mind and answer, what the stalker learns from that is it takes 39 calls to get a response. So just for starters, no response is best. But suggest finding what you can on how to deal with it and protect yourself.

Val123's avatar

@SaturnSky Well, like, you said, They visit my blog at least once a week since October when they found me, and my stats show they have always come from my twitter page. I know it is him as it says the company he works for on my stats, which only employs a few people. They also live about 4 hours away from me.

SaturnSky's avatar

Sorry, it is one person!

So he is stalking me? Is this going past being curious then? I mean he could have been trying to find me all this time with no results. He would have found nothing as i just didn’t come online.

Is he just bored of his latest fling and looking my way?

ModernEpicurian's avatar

I would just first of all say that you should change your phone number, it will do him good as well as you. If he tries to call it and finds out that he cant he will cease.

We can’t really answer whether he is just doing it out of boredom or curiosity ect as we don’t know the gent in question, however it is very similar to stalking and thus I would stay away.

Don’t bite the bait.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

How do you know it’s them? I’m not really big into twitter and check my facebook about once a year, but I didn’t know there was a way to see who just looked at your profile, just who contacted you.

marinelife's avatar

I would be really careful what information you post online about your life. Do you still live in the same place? Does he know where you are?

Looking that often is moved beyond curiosity to weird obsession.

SaturnSky's avatar

Well i have a stat counter on my blog. There is a link from my twitter bio, but no one ever visits my blog as its just a personal place for me to write. I don’t make it public to google etc. It shows me their ip address. It also shows me that the ip address is from the small company he works for. He manages their emails, website etc.

It would be a huge coincidence if i was being stalked by someone who lives in their town, which is a 4 hour drive from me, and works behind the scenes of that small company!

There is also a home computer from the same area that visits. Like i say, its only on my twitter page, but no one ever visits. exept these addresses as its a private blog, and i dont tell anyone about it.

SaturnSky's avatar

Marinelife, that brings me to another mystery. He is also a website designer, and knows all about that field. I made a business website, and again… had someone keep visiting it.

They were on google maps, entering ‘dance classes in….’ places all around my area.

I looked their ip address up, as it said it was in london. But when i did look it up, it said the home town where he lives!!

If you now look my business up, it comes up with a google maps picture of where i live next to the link. So to answer your question, yes i live in the same place. I think he added all this for me.

I thought that was quite sweet? No?

Cruiser's avatar

Post your twitter, facebook and blog here so we all can get in on the action!

SaturnSky's avatar

I should add an important fact here. My blog is about everything i went through after i left. That could add for more curiosity?

Val123's avatar

Dang! I just got out of Rangerr’s 10K party, came in here and with out thinking started giving GA’s!

njnyjobs's avatar

definitely a stalking ex. . . whatever motive he has for doing it should be alarming to you. I would probably proceed with caution with regards blogging. If it’s all personal, move your blogging/journal off the web and into your local pc. . . It sounds like your tech savvy yourself. Why not arm yourself with counter ammo by finding out things about his current fling, who may be able to help rein him away from you.

marinelife's avatar

@SaturnSky You think it is “sweet” that your stalker put a Google Maps link on your Web site showing where you are?

Are you nuts?

Are you confused? Do you still have feelings for this person?

plethora's avatar

@marinelife Her comment about “sweet” was sarcastic humor, I’m sure….:)
@SaturnSky Correct me if I’m wrong.

Stop Your Stalker
Plenty of other sites out there too.

SaturnSky's avatar

Yes…. it was sarcastic. Was looking for a more helpful comment.

Trillian's avatar

This has CSI episode written all over it. Be careful. Take some self defense classes.

phillis's avatar

I’m sorry to hear this has been going on so long. I would erase everything personal you’ve written that is fueling the fire. He is feeding off your emotions and being able to take sneak peeks into your life. It’s up to you, and no, it isn’t fair. But it may save your life. Not to be dramatic, but seriously…...think in worst-case scenarios.

Check with your local police department. Some larger metropolitan areas have an internet crime division. Police work hasn’t caught up with technology yet, but you need to create a paper trail. Here’s how:

File your complaint with you local police, and make a log of every time he “visits” your personal space.

Get an IP tracker add-on to your personal areas online.
(Google IP Tracker add-ons)

Look him up! That’s right…..turn the tables! Pay the $30.00 to scope out his arrest history since you’ve been gone. I bet you a shiny new nickel that he has one. You NEED to have something to show police or they won’t take you seriously. For all they know, YOU’RE the whack job. That money will also tell you where he lives currently. Make a print out for your records and give a copy to the police.

Tell someone who knows you. In fact, tell anyone who is willing to listen. Give them his name. Do NOT rely solely on the police. They’re understaffed and legally unable to move on this right now.

Set your phones so that they don’t allow unknown or 1–800 numbers.

Alert your phone company (all of them), and let them trace all your calls.

This next one is a matter of personal choice. You can opt to send a message to your stalker on your blog after you’ve completed your paper trail, even though you aren’t positive it’s him (I’m sure it is, but you can’t legally say his name). Let everyone who visits you know that they are being monitored by the phone companies, Facebook, with IP trackers, neighbors, friends, family, and police. Do not whine about it, nor make any pleas. State everything you write in a no-nonsense tone.

Stalkers are like cockroaches; they run when the light is turned on. Flip on the light!!

plethora's avatar

@phillis Damn Phillis. That’s a GREAT answer!!!!

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